Bayardo Balladares

EAT becomes FAT if you don’t draw the line

U ever meet a super cool girl and ur like… do I want her to be my best friend or my wife

Both

@azbarr

If USA fails at least we have USB

you know you’re on the right path in life when your old passions start to pop back unexpectedly.

How many computer monitors does your employer give you?

0: You are a hard worker, perhaps a farmer or a fireman

1: You are not valued at all in your job.  You should quit immediately

2: Not bad, but they’d fire you as soon as the next recession hits

3: You are an essential employee that is loved and cared for

4: You are overworked and underpaid

5: Quit immediately; your employer has no financial sense

Applebee’s is the Nickelback of chain restaurants

If a wolf disappears from a pack without a trace, the absolutely biggest chance is that it has died. The reason your dog loses its shit every time you get home is because as far as they’re concerned, you keep coming back from the dead over and over again.

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Going grey is just your hair printer running out of ink.

i can’t wait to see you again

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me..

Needless to say, “needless to say” is completely needless to say.

— Lisa Unger (via purplebuddhaquotes)

this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!

Mr. Krabs (age 75) owns a business, works a full time job, gets there via walking, and is a single father supporting his only child