An Everything Blog

my brother is sitting in the chair in my room studying a practice test thing for his final test before he becomes a fully certified EMT tomorrow and he’s mumbling some of the questions out loud and he just went “a child has fallen from a monkey at school…” and he just got dead quiet and stared at the wall for like a solid minute with the most stricken look on his face before he whispered “there’s no protocol for monkeys”

bro

bro it means monkey bars 

now he’s googling “child falls from monkey” and apparently the only thing that pops up is Fall Out Boy’s “Thnks Fr th Mmrs”

 I M  L AHUGNI N G SO H ARD  HE WENT INTO THE KITCHEN LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO AND STARTED A CONVERSATION WITH MY MOM AND I HEARD HIM JUST STOP MID SENTENCE AND THEN SHOUT “FUCKING MONKEY BARS” 

this was a post meant for like 6 people who actually know my brother and now this is the only image he has on this site he’s the “monkey protocol” guy for almost 100,000 people I give up

Meryl Streep in Mamma Mia really was living the best life- owned a hotel on a beautiful Greek island, singing sweet ABBA bops, had a history of dicking down so many hot dudes she wasn’t sure which handsome, tone-deaf, middle-aged man was her kid’s dad. 

what a life. 

youtuber au is just a fancy new term for icarly au

This was from mises.org, an article called “In Defense of Scrooge”, and I swear to god it’s not intended as satire or some cruel joke. Propertarians are so gross. “No doubt Cratchit needs – i.e. WANTS – more to support his family.” Fuck you, bootlicker.

Literally the mindset of everyone who supports capitalism.

I wish this was satire it wouldn’t be half bad then

“If A Wrinkle in Time succeeds at the box office, it could open the door for not only more directors of color being given budges of $100 million+, it could also lead to non-white leads being cast in films. Maybe, our dream of seeing Percy Jackson adapted with three non-white leads could actually happen.”

“Black Panther is a special situation, because it’s Black characters from the comic books. They couldn’t exactly change the race of T’Challa and his cast; they would be fundamentally changing the story, and the point of it. T’Challa’s Blackness is something special, something that adds to his royalty. But with A Wrinkle in Time, these characters could have been any race. They could have been white. But Ava chose to make a majority of them people of color – which is tremendously important.”

Classic lit + Onion-style headlines = the mashup you never knew you always wanted. Click here to see all 14!

brought to you by our resident genius, @roonil-freakin-wazlib

@classic-literature-snob

Gomez gives out better relationship advice than like 90% of dudes.

Gomez Addams is a suave motherfucker who loves his wife more than his own life.

Everyone should want a Gomez. He’s p cool.

Gomez and Morticia Addams actually have a very loving and extremely healthy relationship, both in the old TV show and in the more recent movies. They were also one of the first television couples to be shown to have an active (albeit offscreen) sex life. Their frank attitude towards sexuality was shocking in its’ time, but their relationship and their family dynamic is actually more functional and more…dare I say it…sane than most families portrayed on TV.

The comedy in the show came from the family’s “odd” lifestyle, rather than from infighting and petty bickering, or worse, as was common on other shows of the time, thinly veiled references to spousal abuse. They didn’t make fun of each other or act like their children were creatures from another world. Were they strange and outside of social norms? Yes. Were they united in creating a loving home and being good, supportive parents? Absolutely.

These two support and adore their children, care for an aging mother and an estranged brother, put family before everything, and they love each other, wholly, fiercely, without reserve. They are every bit as much in love after at least a decade of marriage as they were the day they met.

Relationship goals. LIFE goals.

Just remembered in the second movie when their third child became “normal” for a period and although they were shocked and didn’t know how to handle it, they didn’t mistreat the child or love it any less. They accepted the difference, even though it was hard for them. 

Reblogged for truth.

Posts about Gomez and Morticia Addams are almost always uplifting and I’m happy to have them on my dash, but I think my favorite bit about this conversation is what Gomez is actually saying to Fester.

It’s nobody’s surprise that many of the aesthetic and thematic elements of The Addams Family in its various incarnations are influenced by Gothic tradition (not goth, that mostly came later. And not Goth, that was much much much too early), and I think Gomez’s words are a dead bullseye in terms of Gothic mentality.

The sublime is a recurring theme throughout Gothic literature. Although the word (like “awesome”) has lost a lot of it’s original luster over the intervening decades, sublime doesn’t really mean elevated and lofty (or even heavenly) as it’s often used today, but rather something possessing the power and grandeur to induce awe and veneration in the mind of the beholder. Although less than divine, something sublime possessed a wildness and power that transcended human ability to control…or even to comprehend.

Sublime is standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon leaning as far as you dare over the railing and still not being able to see the canyon floor below. Sublime is warrior-queen Galadriel being tempted by the One Ring. Sublime is waking up in the middle of the night in the heart of a wild thunderstorm.

Gomez isn’t advising Fester to treat a woman he fancies like a princess, or even elevate her to pedestal of angelic nature (who’s idea was it to equate femininity with purity anyway? What a laughable and historically damaging idea. Shame on whatever dead (probably) white dudes promoted that!)

Gomez is advising Fester that if he truly loves a woman he must do everything he can to remind her of how she’s an untameable force of nature who’s grandeur brings him to his knees in awe and terror. Just like Morticia, for Gomez.

I’ll sign off with one of my most favorite quotes of all time, because it feels suddenly very relevant:

why is this a screenshot

The original post will kill if you look at it directly

If i have to die to find out why they can’t be together than so be it

You can join the movement here and to any of you struggling out there just know that: It Is Going To Be Okay

I actually can’t wait to get mine, this is such a wonderful concept💕

This post made me choke up and get misty eyed. I have made 7 attempts on my own life starting at the age of 11.

It does get better. It is going to be okay.

Honestly, some people underestimate just how much a small statement can help someone.

Whoever made this needs jesus

“can’t shake the devil’s hand and say you’re only kidding” is the most concise and powerful dismissal of people who are “jokingly” racist and i can’t believe it’s from a They Might Be Giants song

*hits on you* *actually hits you*

the only ship i need is a scholarship am i right ladies