...he is weaving the chocolate. Do you copy, this bitch is WEAVING CHOCOLATE

Republicans OPENLY want to kill queer people, oppress minorities, and turn the country into a christo-fascist dictatorship, but you ABSOLUTE FUCKING DUMBASSES ARE STILL ACTING LIKE THE DEMOCRATS ARE EXACTLY THE SAME, because you don't want to "compromise" your pretentious fake, holier than thou "values"

The only way to preserve democracy and protect people's lives is to vote blue, every position, every election, every year, down the ballot

To the self-righteous pricks who supposedly have liberal views and values but refuse to vote:

Fuck you, rot in hell, everything, every death, every act of tyranny, every drop of blood, is on your hands you selfish pieces of shit

My apartment building has coin-op laundry in the basement, and on the shelf where people store detergent there are also just enough quarters to start one load in the washer. This is the collective "oh shit I forgot my quarters" bank that anyone can borrow from to start laundry without having to climb all the way back up the goddamn stairs first. These quarters have been steadily used and replaced for multiple years now, and every time I see them I think about how upon such small foundations rests all of human society.

There is,,, a lobster. On the way

There is a lobster somewhere in the facility but we don’t know where

This is not a joke btw I was supposed to receive and acclimate a lobster today but I waited around in the lobby for an hour before finding out that the Lobster Deliverer went around back and gave the lobster to the aquarist and he went out on a diving trip without telling anyone where he put the lobster. There is literally a lobster here somewhere and we can’t find it. Lobster location unknown.

Update he put it in one of the lobster traps tied to the pier. Which is fine, that’s where it was gonna go anyway until we set up its display, but I would’ve preferred to acclimate it before plopping it into the ocean. But the hooligan has been contained. There will be no surprise lobster attacks today.

Update 2 here is Thee Lobster

this reply in the comments tho

This did not go where I expected from the first tweet and now I am laughing so hard I am crying.

@elodieunderglass

(via)

it’s incredible to me that you can see how much they are definitely going to bark in a still image

stay hydrate.

sorry but there's simply not a malewife on the level of joel hammond from santa clarita diet. his wife turned into an undead flesh eating monster and he was like sweetie of course i will find people for you to kill and eat. i love you so much. i'm going to go have a panic attack.

Is anyone else like…halfway pro life because people need to be responsible and abortions shouldn’t be allowed just cause…half way ‘abortions should be allowed for extreme cases (high probability of death, certain illnesses, cases of rape)’. nothing is black or white imo. the way people are so extreme about one side or the other is weird to me tbh.

So, if you actually listen to the people who have had abortions, you’ll find that *none* of them did it “just cause.” Everyone has their reasons. Everyone makes that choice *because* of something.

And those of us who support unfettered access to abortion recognize that it isn’t *our business*, or our governors business, or the presidents business, or our senators business, what those reasons are. Those of us who can become pregnant should be given the respect snd dignity to make those choices without having to get permission from Ted Cruz first.

Now, if you want to reduce the number of abortions, there are lots of ways to do that *without* restricting people’s ability to access abortions. Universal Healthcare, subsidized prenatal and child care, expanded protections to victims of domestic and sexual abuse, guaranteed paid parental leave- these things can reduce abortion rates, and they don’t fundamentally dehumanize and denegrate those of us who can become pregnant.

gumpy

(Soundwave voice) LAKE SUPERIOR

REPUBLICANS INFERIOR

Have An Evil Day

No prompt this time, just a sequel to ‘Welcome To Evil-Mart’

Working at Evil-Mart is usually… well, it’s retail. It’s physically exhausting, you have to deal with a lot of idiots without being overtly rude, and your feet hurt. Even though the hours and pay are very good, the benefits are great, and our bosses treat us well compared to most retail employees, it’s still not what I’d call a fun job.

But it’s not what I’d call dull, either. Especially not on days like today.

I was promoted to supervisor after the Food Poisoning Incident, so I have a little more authority and a little less obligation to be pleasant and I got issued a weighted cosh because sometimes Evil-Mart customers get… feisty. I’d never had to use it, though, because those who hadn’t seen what I did to Majority Rules, either in person or on one of the cell-phone videos that circulated afterwards, had at least heard about it.  They didn’t give me any trouble.

I was halfway through my shift, and the worst things that’d happened had been running out of croissants and a machine oil spill in Aisle Seven, when our greeter pressed the alarm button, which sent an alert to my handset. As front-end supervisor, that meant me, so I went over. Sam, who is unusual in the henching community for having actually aged out rather than ‘being retired’ jerked his chin in the direction of a tall, swaggering figure. “He just came in,” he whispered.

I did a full double-take before I took it in. Superdyne. Fucking Superdyne.

We’d all heard about his dramatic heel-turn a couple of months ago. The whole world had heard about it. Superdyne, who’d skated closer and closer to the line for years, had decided to cross it in a blaze of bloodshed. He was a villain now, he said. There’d been a whole speech about how ingratitude had driven him to it blah blah blah.

I work at Evil-Mart. I’m from a hench family. If someone becomes a supervillain because they hate Mondays or want to turn us all into dinosaurs or whatever, I don’t judge. I will sell depth-charges and laser guns to anyone who can prove they’re over eighteen without hesitation. But even we get kind of grossed out by the ‘I am forced to turn evil because I haven’t been given enough love’ thing. People who are actually so fucked up by emotional abuse or neglect or some superhero killing their family, we’re fine with them. But they don’t say that’s why they do it, and most of them need a lot of therapy to even realize it. People who actually say that’s why are entitled dickwads.

And now the dickwad had walked into Evil-Mart like he was entitled. Like he thought he was one of us.

Keep reading

Evil-Mart provides a vast array of tools and gadgets that is essential for the common villain-of-the-week. You work as a cashier there. Unfortunately all your coworkers mysteriously called in sick today, so you alone have to handle the long line of increasingly disgruntled customers.

Everyone has that one story about the time EVERYONE called in sick and they had to work a shift totally alone. Mine was a little different, though.

See, I work at Evil-Mart. It’s actually a really good job – benefits are top notch, pay is excellent, and management really cares about the wellbeing of employees. For good reason – most of us are, if not family, certainly part of the Family. All the staff are from the families of henchmen and minor villains. It’s easier for everyone that way.

Unfortunately, while the official ‘bad guys’ excel in many areas, catering isn’t one of them.  I don’t know why, but it’s just not something we’re good at. Anyway, there was a big team dinner for Evil-Mart one night, to celebrate the store’s tenth anniversary. And the next day, nearly the whole staff were out with food poisoning. And by nearly the whole staff, I mean … well, it went like this.

I was on the opening shift, and usually when I get there, there’s already two supervisors there. This time… nothing. The door was still locked. I knocked a few times, then called the front desk. Still nothing.

The third time I called, a voice answered that I didn’t recognize. “Who is this?”

“Rebecca Kahn, I – “

She sounded like she was about to cry. “Are you calling in sick too?”

“No, but the door’s locked and I can’t get in.”

“You’re here? At the store?”

“Yes, and I only have two minutes or I’ll be late clocking in and – “

“Wait right there! I’ll be right down!” The phone slammed down, and a couple of minutes the door swung open. “Thank God!” the woman exclaimed. I vaguely recognised her from meetings, but we’d never spoken before, but now she grabbed my hands and squeezed them as if I was a long lost friend. “Did you have a special meal last night?”

At that point, light began to dawn. “Yes. Knuckles Levy from the warehouse and I both had the kosher meal.”

Keep reading

KID WATCHING THE VIDEO: This guy’s not not tied to his rope… this - dude, this guy’s crazy, does he have a death wish or somethin’? Oh my gosh! Doesn’t he have like a wife and kids at home???

[parachute opens up to reveal it is rainbow]

KID, IN EXACT SAME TONE: Doesn’t he have a husband and kids at home???