2021

 i have not thought about writing on my tumblr in almost half a decade. tumblr reminds me of my youth and when my biggest problem consisted of constructing an outline for my APUSH quizzes every Wednesday. if i told my teenage self that she would be in PA school and receiving her white coat tomorrow, she literally wouldn’t even know what a PA is. 

until senior year of high school, i felt i had no purpose until i discovered my love for science. i didn’t know what to do with it at first until my love for science developed into a pursuit towards medicine. up until then, i thought i was not intelligent enough to work in the field, and so i thought i was reaching a fair amount when i finally decided i wanted to become a doctor. spoiler alert: i’m not in medical school. although my goals are different from when i was 17, i have never been happier in my life. 

what they say about PA school is true: it is like drinking water from a fire hydrant. it is overwhelming, soul crushing, and mentally draining. any adjective you can find that describes a stressful situation, PA school fulfills that. almost a year ago, i was dreading school; i was crying to my partner for the last 2 days leading up to it. i was scared and i felt alone. going into school, i fully thought i was going to be alone. i never thought myself to be particularly lovable and i did not know if i was good enough to make friends. 

fast forward a year of taking 100 exams, learning physical exam skills, taking 10 classes at the same time, and finding my chosen family, i am here. it is 12/2/2021 and i am going to get my white coat tomorrow. it doesn’t feel real. all i know is that i would have not made it here without the people in my life who believed in me and who continue to believe in me even when i can’t. tomorrow marks almost halfway of me becoming a PA. i am so nervous, but i have never been happier.