Taylor Swift's 'THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT' had 13 achievements (so far) in only half a day of being released:

The last time we were on a long flight, my wife and I invented a game we call "Little Guy."

You start a game of Little Guy by saying, "I'm gonna hand you a little guy." The little guy is some kind of baby animal you are imagining. "Oh," she might say in response, "Okay," and hold out her hands for it. I will then mime handing her the animal. This provides some clues as to the little guy's size, weight, and general ungainliness.

She then gets to ask questions about what kind of little guy this is, BUT NO QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS ACTUAL APPEARANCE OR SPECIES ARE ALLOWED. Qualitative questions, or questions about his behavior, are the only ones permitted. She can ask "Is he soft?" or "Does he seem nervous about being held?" or "If I put him in the bathtub, does he seem okay with that?" or "Would he like a lil grape?" or "Is he the sort of little fellow who would wear a vest in a children's book?" but not "Does he have fur," "Is he a reptile," "Is he from Asia," etc. Some questions are in a grey area so you have to follow your heart, but the point is not to identify the animal as fast as possible: the point is to guess the animal purely based on vibes + how he would act if he were in your living room right now.

And I'm not limited to yes or no answers! If she asks, "Would it feel appropriate to see this little guy in a propeller hat?" I can reply, "Oh no, he has a gravity to him. A bowler hat would be a more appropriate hat." Or if she asks, "Does this little guy have protagonist energy?" I can say something like, "he probably wouldn't be the main character in a children's cartoon. He'd probably be the main character's ditzy best friend who's always eating sandwiches, or something."

We're big Twenty Questions to kill time in a waiting room people, but Little Guy is more about the journey than the destination. It's got a different kind of sauce that's nice if "killing time" and "lowering anxiety" need to happen hand in hand.

Reblog to put one of these in your mutuals’ pocket when they’re not looking

this is it. this is undeniably the cutest thing ive ever witnessed. they love eachother

New Crow Time 🎀🏅

And I doubt you ever think about the damage that you did But I hold onto every detail like my life depends on it My undying love, now, I hold it like a grudge And I hear your voice every time that I think I'm not enough

so I go to animation school now

please unmute this

That was… not what I expected it to be but I am delighted

What did the people of Tumblr ever do to deserve this

We are not worthy

ELEPHANTS!! BOUNCY ANIMATED ELEPHANTS!!

I just want you all to know, that if and when this site does experience a real exodus and/or get sunsetted for good, even if we don't keep in touch I'll remember you so fondly. You're the online equivalent of the other kid on the beach where we built sandcastles together; the girl at the campsite where we explored the trees. You're the drunk person who shared kind words in the bathroom at the club, you're the talented artists at the life drawing class or the poetry night in a city where I don't live anymore. It makes me sad that maybe in the future our paths won't cross so easily, but even when we leave this little shared piece of cyberspace, carried away on our briefly intersecting trajectories, just know I still love you

In case no one told you growing up

To all the kids whose parents couldn’t help you with this kind of stuff

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

26/26

I'll never use thingamajig again, I like these other ones better.

Holy shit that's so cool

Finally “do you love the colour of the sky” got compressed for our convenience

This is now my favorite photo

I resent the inevitable consequences the second law of thermodynamics has on my tea and the entropy of the universe. It always happens too damn soon.

The hell do you mean “use a tea light” you’re telling me those things can be used to heat tea???

Fam I’ve been lied to and deceived

Wait please what are you being told, this has raised many questions about tea lights for me.

Apparently the way you’re supposed to use tea lights is like this

Which no one ever told me is possible or exists and might now become my villain origin story after suffering years of cold tea

I'm sorry they're what

They heat tea. They heat tea because they’re tea lights. They’re named that way because they’re literally devices to keep your tea warm and somehow no one has ever told me this and they’re tea lights to heat tea and I might just—[CENSORED]

I’m glad we’re all having a normal one today folks

the human stress response seems so maladaptive!

To be fair 99% of our evolutionary stress response was meant to deal with far more immediately conclusive scenarios than the tedious bullshit we put up with these days.

very very slow tigers are chasing me

not to leave a serious comment on a silly post but one of the best pieces of advice I ever got about stress was to SLEEP but secondly, when overwhelmed, lay in a bed and intentionally hold all your muscles clenched. clench EVERYTHING. hold it for a few seconds, then let go. It tricks your animal fight-or-flight monkey brain into thinking it had, and won, a fight, and some of the stress response will leave you

#turn a slow tiger into a fast tiger with this fucked up trick

the juice is loose

…what the shit did I just watch

the really comprehensive befuckening of a house

…ask a stupid question, I guess

wait look i found the real answer:

“This is from a Norwegian television show called “Ikke Gjør Dette Hjemme” (Don’t Try This At Home). It’s basically Mythbusters with a sprinkle of Jackass on top. Every season is filmed at abandoned homes scheduled for demolition, where the two hosts seek to answer the burning questions most people have.”

…but what question led to THIS?

The question seems to be “what happens if you mixed elephant toothpaste, gasoline, and fire together in a staircase”, which, I don’t know why you would ask that very specific question but maybe it’s a burning question in Norway.

It’s certainly a burning question.

I located the episode and the premise was that washing stairs is tedious and mops are old fashioned and shouldn’t it be much better to make a soapy foam to cleanse the stairs, except flammable so you can dry the stairs by setting the foam on fire…

In the end, as they watched flames shoot out of the chimney as the house burned down, they agreed that the experiment had turned out a bit more cataclysmic than they’d anticipated.