I've figured out why I read so much. It's not for enjoyment. It's not to be studious or to further my knowledge.

I'm running.

I don't want to think about the future or the past, because both are too terrible for me to delve into them, and the present is so goddamn demanding that all I can do is curl up in a corner and hope that it ignores me. Because I am so not ready for real life. I'm not ready to think about eleventh and twelfth grade, or if I'll be all alone at my next school. I'm not ready to fucking grow up. God, I'm crying typing this because every emotion I give is given to a book, and I haven't cried for a book in a long while, so it's just pouring out of me because I can't control it without a book. God fucking damn. I'm an actual fucking addict. How the hell does that happen?

See, there's a reason I don't post actual reviews of books. This is crucial to understand for someone that truly loves reading:

The review is only based on the reviewer's opinion and what they thought of the book.

This person may have similar taste in reading choice, but you don't know if you'll love or hate the book until you read it. I beg of you, do not let other people's opinions crowd your thoughts on the book. Half of them are only looking for the flaws, anyways! Just read it, and enjoy it.

Does this happen to other people, too?

I just became extremely sad and overwhelmed and... I don't know. I've been thinking a lot lately. I've been thinking about the future. What is it going to be like for me? I'm fifteen, sixteen in June. I'll be legal to drive if I feel like it. I mean, that's... that seems huge.

I'm going to finish high school in two years. That's monumental.

I'm going to apply for colleges and get a job and earn enough to move out.

And yet the weirdest thought in my head is, 'Wow. I could go to fucking prom next year.' You don't think about that much, being someone like me. Prom is nothing. When did I start to care? When did I start to think about it all?

I really don't want to grow up.

“This was his soul made flesh, the truth of him laid bare in the blazing sun, shorn of mystery and shadow. This was the truth behind the handsome face and the miraculous powers, the truth that was the dead and empty space between the stars, a wasteland peopled by frightened monsters.” ― Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone

Wow. This book was a great read. Magical, inspiring, with some edgy romance thrown in.

Oh boy. I have a lot of recommendations to do. No more slacking!

I put on Life thinking I would fall asleep, but nope. Come on, brain! I have school on Monday! I do not require this fecal matter!

I have not yet slept. My eyes hurt and I am tired.

But Skyrim.

It calls to me.

Oh this is the cutest thing ever.

So, I've started watching Homestuck because my best friend is crazy about it. I just want to say:

what.

I've started talking to myself to complete my thoughts out loud, regardless of who is near me. Oh boy. Can't wait to go back to school.