ah yes everyone’s favorite podcast

can’t criticize plastic surgery as an institution because it’s none of your business if a woman wants to “fix” her insecurities. can’t criticize the makeup industry or beauty standards because some women feel good when they shave and wear makeup. can’t bring up the challenges women face in the workplace because some women want to be stay at home wives instead of working. everything a woman does is automatically feminist and we shouldn’t stop to think about the context surrounding her actions because that would be misogynistic. here’s what i had for girl dinner. according to my girl math the barbie movie was a revolutionary piece of feminist media. i may not show it but i feel the life slowly draining from me day by day.

mr bonzos resume so far:

world renowned children's tv star

pro wrestler

freelance hitman for the uk govt

landlord

interpretive lap dancer

me every day without fail: I'll do [chore] when I get home

me when I get home:

me every single week: I'll do it on the weekend!

me the entire weekend:

Mr. Bonzo going to a strip club and literally tearing apart a bachelor's party of lads is objectively hilarious. Like the description was horrific and gave me chills to listen to. But as soon as the episode was over and I sat back to just think about the episode I started laughing because what the fuck? What do you mean?? He came to a strip club?? And just?? Started fucking ripping apart and eating people?? That's hilarious?? 🤣 I love this fucking podcast, making me shiver in fear one second and laugh my ass off the next.

DYHARDS WE ARE EATING CRUMBS BUT WE ARE EATING

When I say ‘protect sex workers’ I specifically mean protect them from Mr. Bonzo

whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision

i'm so glad i happened to see these tags this is the best thing anyone has added to this post so far

love when cats hear that you've woken up even just a little bit and they're like hiiiiiii oh my god oh my god!!!!! i wrote some poems in the night let me recite them for you. this one is called: screaming and knocking your water bottle off your nightstand

(Trying to flirt) if we were in a time loop together I would try to save you every time even if I knew it was futile. I would go insane for you

see dev patel just gets it. he’s aware that we yearn for sweaty curls and a tight black suit and beating the shit out of corrupt politicians

the two headed calf smoking twice as many marlboro red core packs as usual

just gonna start killing people i dont find funny

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

shut the fuck up

People will talk about Tumblr's amazing hatemail game but its person to person reply game is equally unhinged.

i like when ventposts self censor in a way thats completely incomprehensible to anyone else like 'im so sick of ****** ******* ******' . im sorry that youre going through it. can i buy a vowel

I like counting the asterisks and guessing what the words are. Yours says 'im so sick of gnomes fucking people'

"A crab can be huge if it expands very large. I can not let tha thappen"

I love you folk music I love you drinking songs I love you sea shanties I love you work songs I love you lullabies that have helped send countless generations of children off to sleep I love you music the poor and non-white and oppressed used to fill their difficult lives with joy I love you protest songs and coded music that helped people escape to freedom and connect with each other and keep their cultures and languages alive I fucking love you "this machine kills fascists" I love you banjos and bagpipes and all those other instruments people love to hate I love you modern artists keeping these songs alive and writing new ones I love you people writing new folk songs for fictional worlds because even people who don't exist deserve to connect through song I love you queer artists finding themselves in ancient songs I love so so so much

certified beatles post