I hate that i dont even have to think to get this refrence i just automaticaly know

hi to gay people only

Same

guy who invented wine: dude this grape juice is still good

PHILLY I LOVE YOU!!!! This hometown crowd 😍😍😍 See you again tonight for round 2!!

Best night in my 28 years of life.

Throughly enjoying other restaurants reacting to IHOb

I may not be a perfect person but at least I have never yelled at an employee in a store

back in freshman year of high school we had this teacher who was really fucking annoying and HATED cell phones with a fucking passion. at the beginning of the school year he had us sign this goddamned “contract” that we wouldn’t have it in class or he would confiscate it.

so this annoying douchebag kid was on his phone and the teacher went “you have to give it to me now you signed the contract” and the kid didn’t even look up and said “contracts signed by a minor are not legally binding” and continued to text. and i hated that kid but…..dare i say iconic

anyway he got detention for it but i just found out he got into law school this year

honestly? im done with the lies. being little spoon fuckign sucks okay? it really does. its hot and sweaty and cramped and you better believe that arm wrapped around you is gunna go from “acceptable foreign weight” to “there is a literal blue whale colony collapsed atop you” in about 2 minutes flat. yall forreal want a FLESH BLANKET encasing you??? a goddamn slab prison of human skin and Person Tissue draped across your corporeal form??? find a God and grovel for redemption.

being big spoon though? divine. precious. it grants the sensation of being a benevolent egg white, swaddled loosely within your blanket shell as you in turn cradle the precious yolk within your grasp. you are a sublime deity of warmth and comfort, one who may bestow your blessing on any mortal you deem fit. an unparalleled joy to perform.

and you can grab a tit ty

can yall please stop reblogging this post i made after eating three entire packages of marshmallow peeps washed down with a near-deadly amount of nyquil 

Just say you’re a top and move on OP

idk whether it’s cute or depressing how many opportunities people have invented to make wishes. birthday candles, eyelashes, fountains, stars, dandelions. people say they don’t believe in the universe or any kind of higher power but nobody ever passes up an opportunity to make a wish