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morphine-king

dennybitte

crocus bed

by Denny Bitte

Source: dennybitte

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catgirlizzyhands

were--ralph

I CCAN'T BREATHE

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inhaleass

powpowhammer

faded blue house portrait hanging on the wall at the local urgentcare

jecook

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catboyaddiction

draconym

I think one of the funniest things I’ve accidentally taught my parrot is yelling “WHAT?” The best part is that if he says something weird and and someone else says “what???” he usually repeats what he just said. Like just now, I was cooking in the kitchen and he heard me boiling water so he asked “you wanna noodle?” but I couldn’t quite hear him so I yelled “WHAT” and he repeated “you wanna noodle?”

Mostly he just likes yelling it, though.

draconym

Less funny things I’ve accidentally taught my parrot:

to make the smoke detector noise every time someone makes toast
to make gross eating noises at us when he wants us to share our food
to announce that he is about to poop just about every time he poops
to demand payment in the form of peanuts for every instance of good behavior
no seriously he says “I get a peanut” every single time and gets VERY MAD if not given a peanut

anonymus-maximus-er

……LESS funny??!??????

mrsbeef

The thought of this parrot declaring “I get a peanut” for good behaviour like he’s stating an immutable natural law that must never be disputed is sustaining me through this day. I was a good parrot. I get a peanut. That is how it is. That is how it always has been.

draconym

That’s exactly what he means when he says it. It’s not a request. It’s a statement of fact. These days he says it preemptively as a way of ensuring that he will be paid for his efforts. Like if you ask him to step up somewhere or go back in his cage he’ll say “I get a peanut” before he does it to make sure you agree to give him one.

you-can-hufflefuck-right-off

My question is… Does he revolt if you DON’T give him his peanut?

draconym

He used to get really angry if he did something expecting a peanut and we said “no, no peanut” because he’d been really rude (bitey, screechy, generally hostile body language) about it previously or he’d already had a whole bunch of peanuts. Since he’s started saying “I get a peanut?” beforehand, if we respond with “no peanut” he generally just decides not to do it.

He often announces something like “step up and get a peanut?” if he’s already had a bunch of peanuts and he knows he’ll have to do something to earn one. Unfortunately, he also causes trouble (furniture destruction, usually) explicitly for the purposes of suggesting “Ripley go back and get a peanut?” when we scold him, because he knows we’re going to want him to go back in his cage, and he always wants a reward for going back in his cage.

seven-oomen

that parrot is running a hostage situation

draconym

We do literally refer to him “holding the couch hostage” when he decides he’s going to make holes in the cushions until we attempt to bribe him to go back into his cage.

draconym

Ripley: I go back in cage, get a peanut? Human: Sorry, we’re out of peanuts Ripley:

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rubellite-robin

baduuizm

[id: a tweet by @TPAIN that reads: “I encourage everybody to at least (in private if need be) take a shot at doing something you actually think you’d like but your friend circle has deemed it “corny” or “lame”. Liberate yourself from the constant need of approval from everybody besides yourself and go have fun”. /end id]