No Longer on Light Mode™️ yw

The ethnic urge to pay for everyone’s food

Someone should invent a word for when you’re jumping and popping

pumping

Not quite but I would never correct a woman

im a white boy

*collars you* You’re my pet now 

this is Biden’s America

Bait-And-Switch

Disproportionate Retribution

Gender Reveal

Human Pet

Old-School Chivalry (Parodied)

Portmanteau

Spoof Aesop

$0

Me and who

*puts you in a wicker basket*

Reblog to put the person you reblogged it from in a wicker basket

Some of y’all think that holding hands and sharing a bed is immediately romantic, and this is why people cannot differentiate between romantic, platonic, and familial forms of love.

Nothing is EVER inherently romantic. The meaning of a gesture is determined by the people involved in it, not some random outsider.

The meaning of a gesture is determined by the people involved in it

mutuals do this with me

Now if she does it like this will you do it like that now if she touches like this will you touch her right back now if she moves like this will you move like that come on

Catch me being a modern-day cyberpirate screaming up alongside you on the 405 in my mad max car with half a bitcoin farm's worth of RAM in the backseat as I hack your Bitchless Towyota™ device and steal the boat you're towing right off the back bumper of the tesla your dad bought you

As i roar into the sunset you have to swerve* to avoid the small flotilla of hacked Towyota devices trailing behind me

(*in fact you do not swerve because you're on hands-free driving to go along with your hitch-free towing so you can only watch helplessly as your tesla mistakes your stolen booty for a small child and accelerates crashing into it and killing you instantly)

What kind of oomph are they putting into that little towing dohickey that it can haul a couple thousand pounds, and why not just put that power into the Camry

a customer just came in and ordered a flat white with six (6) shots in it. for clarity thats like.. a full cup of espresso with maybe an inch of milk sitting on top. this mf is trying to meet the hat man

same guy came back yesterday. same order. i said, "ah, entering the shadowlands again, i see." he asked me to explain this remark to him. i did so to the best of my ability. he returned again today and said, "i'll have another shadowlands please, extra hot." think i might have started something

this just in: ‘short king’ beheads person calling them ‘short king’

BEHEADS YOU BEHEADS YOU BEHEADS YOU STOMPS ON U THROWS U OFF THIS FUCKING LADDER

Love using task manager to be both my private investigator and my executioner. Task manager dragging five duplicates of discord to kneel before my throne and I order them to slit each program’s throat one by one.

they should make ibuprofen that lasts forever and ever with no side effects

i fucking love this woman.

Dana being done with people's bullshit and I live for it