STARS HOW he hates this conversation . it was foolish of him to bring it up , even if he knew it was interesting enough to keep the other awake . all he can hope is that by the time anakin is awake and lucid enough to be in the clear , he'll have been too out of it to remember anything about this .
❝ i did , ❞ he admits , reluctantly . ❝ there was a generations - long war on this planet : melida / daan . so entrenched , they couldn't even decide a name for the planet , either faction believing the planet should be called the other . but the children - - - the children were stuck in the middle of it all . they'd all lost fathers , mothers , uncles , sisters . it didn't matter the age . everyone had been a casualty in this war , one atrocity fueling the next . revenge begot revenge begot revenge . until no one even knew what the fight was even about anymore . it was horrible . and the order . . . the order didn't , or perhaps COULDN'T , do anything about it . it was a system technically outside of our jurisdiction and getting involved in a civil war is always . . . messy . what side do you help when they don't even know why they're fighting ? but the children , they - - - - we . . . had created our own side . a side to try to stop the war . the order , qui - gon , couldn't stay . couldn't let me stay . and the only way i could , he only to help - - - ❞ ( cerasi ) ❝ them was if i did . . . i was warned . qui - gon told me that if i stayed , i'd be leaving the order . that that would be the end . but i'd already made my choice . ❞ he's quiet for a long moment , too long he's sure , but he can't help it . ❝ we won . eventually . ❞ his voice is quiet , MOURNFUL . ❝ but we - - - i had lost a lot . ❞ he shifts with discomfort , makes sure anakin is still awake , and adopts a more removed air , sliding the emotion away .
❝ there was no denying that i HAD stopped a war and helped a whole planet . the order accepted me back , on probation . . . .qui - gon accepted me back , though just barely . i had hurt him . he'd lost a padawan once before , one that had left the order before me . i think i'd reminded him of him a little too much when i decided to stay . it took a very long time for us to trust each other again . ❞