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Alas, We Are All Fucked

@dont-tempt-me-frodo / dont-tempt-me-frodo.tumblr.com

I don’t even know anymore (impalaloompa on ao3)
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The Lesser Evil (a Witcher Pirate!AU)

1674 and piracy is rife throughout the Caribbean. Plenty of work for a Pirate Hunter such as Geralt. But when he takes a contract to hunt down a pirate captain who is interfering with important trade, a harsh truth arrises that will question his morals and he will be forced to choose between two evils, and risk the one thing he never thought he would find. Love.

Extract from Chapter 10: The Cargo

The Lark was anchored among the pocket of small islands just off the coast of Tortuga. The sea lapped gently at her hull and the wind whistled through the rocks, rocking her slightly from side to side.

The crew were poised and ready to hoist the anchor and let out the sails the moment the order came. The cannons had been readied, the grapples laid out in preparation for boarding.

Havi perched in the crow’s nest, telescope pointed at the eastern horizon. Renfri was half-way up the rigging of the fore mast with her own spyglass pressed to her eye. Jaskier was behind the helm.

There was a calm focus to the Captain. A stillness and a silence that put the whole crew at ease, even in the face of what they were about to do.

Geralt could feel the crackle of excitement in the air.

He was crouched next to Duny, checking and double checking the security of the knots at the base of the main mast.

They had been in this position for a few hours now. Just waiting.

The blazing sun glinted off the surface of the water making the already bright day almost too painful to even look at. Sweat was building on Geralt’s brow, trickling down his back, soaking into his shirt. It was stiflingly hot, and he couldn’t wait to get out onto the open sea so that the wind could properly move around them.

After what felt like days, Havi finally stirred in the crow’s nest.

“Sails!” came his deep bellow.

A jolt shot through the crew, each one of them pre-empting the orders that hadn’t come yet.

“Renfri?” Jaskier called to her.

“Clipper,” she shouted back, “Flying no colours. It’s them.”

“Haul anchor, full sail,” Jaskier yelled.

The crew lurched into action. The canvas sails flapped as they were released then bulged as they filled with the wind. At the same time the anchor was cranked up and The Lark surged forwards with the push of the wind. The black flag at the top of the main mast whipped back and forth.

The brig cut through the water at a startling speed and it wasn’t long before Geralt could see the merchant ship on the horizon.

Renfri had hopped down from the rigging and was barking orders as she made her way to join Jaskier on the quarter deck.

Geralt held tightly to the side of the ship. Never before had he actually taken part in an act of piracy like this and the rush he felt lit a fire in his gut. Boarding and looting a ship then moving on the cargo. He was going to experience it first-hand and gain invaluable information about the interference in trade that Jaskier was responsible for.

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Saw this on a door at work.

That fucking tag omg

[Image description: Photo of a door with an official warning sign: “This Door is Alarmed;” beneath the official sign are two different handwritten notes on different scraps of paper: (first)“The window is startled,” and (second) “The floor is somewhat taken aback.” Description ends]

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aphel1on

i have such a love for characters who descend into madness or villainy out of deep, deep empathy. characters who fundamentally cannot cope with the cruel realities they find themselves in and blow up about it in spectacular fashion. fallen angel type characters with tears of outrage in their eyes. characters who break before they bend, and break so badly they splatter blood all over their noble ideals. every variation on it gets me so good

Court of Mirrors? :]

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I have found the best ally

Straight and cis people will say that they are allies, but you will NEVER measure up to my dentist.

Me: "Hey, is it ok if I can change my name on my info from [DEADNAME] to Sai?"

Random woman that I wasn't even talking to in the chair next to me: "Honey, if that's the name you had at birth, [DEADNAME] is your only name."

My dentist, very slowly turning her rolley chair towards the woman: "Shush."

Random woman: "Excuse me?"

Destist: *closes privacy curtain while staring bullets at the lady*

Me: *pissing myself laughing*

My dentist while changing my name in my info (reminder that English is not her first language, she immigrated from Russia): "There, Sai, you have pretty boy teeth. Smile and make all girls swoon."

Me not having the heart to tell her I'm not transmasc but I'm Agender, and still pissing myself laughing: "Thank you [DENTIST NAME]."

Rb to have pretty chosen gender teeth. Smile and make all girls swoon.

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animesickos

We're on a new platform with a totally different audience...we have to prove ourselves all over again...convince a totally new group of people to think we're funny and worth your attention....so allow me to drop some of my "A" material....the funniest thing I got.......here goes....... jeef berky

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nerdgasrnz
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uberguber89
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