he looks so cuddly (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Today, I fucked up... by letting my brother and his girlfriend enjoy a private space in our hotel

Okay so I am currently on vacation with my, family, including my brother (let’s call him Mooshy) and his new girlfriend (let’s call her Dee) he met here in Cali. For the past four nights we’ve been splurging and got 2 hotel rooms, one for my parents, and one for the three of us. The room I’m in is split up into two smaller rooms separated by a door, one has 2 twin beds, and the other a pullout couch. When we first got here, I decided to be a nice brother; I opted to take the pullout so my brother could have some privacy with this new girl Dee, and besides, I get my own room this way. Well as it turned out, that was a huge fucking mistake. The first night went fine, they were quiet and respectful, I could only assume that Dee, who is probably the sweetest girl I’ve ever met, had my brother under control. Oh how naive I was. Second night rolls around, I try going to bed at a reasonable time, until i find myself kept awake by Mooshy’s loud voice and Dee’s punctual laughs. I texted him as politely as I could to keep it down and they complied, for a while. 20 minutes pass and I’m nearly asleep, until I hear SLAP. Someone is clapping? is the building shaking? SLAP It’s definitely coming from their room, what could it be? This continues for quite a while before I text him to keep it down yet again, a little less politely. I still had no idea what the sound was, it was infrequent and seemingly random. After some time however I did fall asleep. On day three I casually mentioned the strange noise I heard the night before, and suddenly I was being stared at by both Dee and Mooshy, they seemed annoyed and embarrassed! Suddenly without warning Mooshy grumbles something about how it was a game without making eye contact with me.

Now I’m suspicious.

Night three comes and goes with no special events, I was almost disappointed, I would have liked the chance to puzzle out what that fucking slapping was.

Now it is night four.

It’s midnight here in Cali and I write this lying in bed unable to rest. it all started when they seemed to be talking loudly again. Only this time I could almost make out what they were saying. All in all only one short exchange reached my ears, but it has been replayed a thousand times in my head since.

Dee: “you actually look really good in it!”

Mooshy: “really?”

Dee: “yea, if it wasn’t for the hair on your ass it’d be perfect.”

What The Fuck

I don’t even want to express my suspicions around this. I don’t want to give them substance. Maybe if I don’t speak them they won’t be real. But I won’t forget what came next.

SLAP

‘Oh joy’, I thought at first, ‘this again’

Then I heard it.

SLAP “~argh~”

Mooshy moaned.

SLAP “whooh”

SLAP “argh”

With mounting horror my tired eyes widened as I figured out what the noise was.

She was fucking spanking him.

This continued for around ten minutes, with growing frequency and ferocity.

Then she started moaning.

I laid there, frozen as my brother pleasured his girlfriend, but I was numb to it now.

Ever since then my mind has focused on a thought I hoped I’d never have.

My brother is a kinky motherfucker.

by  JLKrampus

My bedroom

Oh, what a surprise, you caught me again…

sarcasm shark

Sharkasm

This shark is just not having any of your shit today.

why did jerry go in like that though

I'd care if the person I reblogged this from committed suicide.

It’s like his snoring got so bad that his wife left him and now he’s just forever alone with his extra-strength Breathe Right strips

maybe the strips were so effective that he inhaled his wife

honestly that could happen

@Calum5SOS: There are no words to describe how wholeheartedly I am in love with music. No matter what mood I am, music affects me in a positive way.

Last surviving 9/11 rescue dog has the best day ever for his birthday

Video

First fight (4/4)

(Requested)

Calum: I feel like with Calum the first real fight would be him saying something dumb without realizing. Like maybe you two are spending time together and you’re jokingly teasing him like “️your hair looks like a mop on your head, it’s so fluffy.” And of course you don’t mean it in a mean way, because you love his fluffy, curly hair. But Calum would turn it around and say something like “well the hot girl in the club thought my hair was pretty damn good.” And you would just sit there speechless for a moment because he just threw that in your face because he knew you had gotten jealous when the club girl had been all over your boyfriend. You had almost forgotten the incident, until now. “Did you really just throw that in my face?” You tell him and Calum would smirk, not knowing he had really bothered you and nod and you would stand from your spot on the couch and walk away from him fast. Calum would have that ‘oh shit’ moment and run after you while planning his apology in his head. “(Y/n)-” he would start but you don’t let him finish, “I can’t believe you did that! I was just playing around about your hair and you have to remind me about that stupid girl who wouldn’t leave my boyfriend alone. You know how insecure that made me.” And Calum would feel really guilty because he did know and he would give you his best pouty face and wrap his arms around your waist so you couldn’t run away from him again, “I’m sorry babe, I wasn’t thinking. I’m an asshole sometimes, I know.” He chuckled and you nodded while you waited for him to continue and he would by saying, “and I shouldn’t have said anything because I know you love my fluffy hair” and he would tickle your face with his curls and everything would be forgotten because you love your silly Calum too much.

Ashton: “You told me you were going out with family (y/n)!” Ashton yelled at me. I was getting more and more frustrated and Ashton was getting more and more angry. “I did! If you would just let me explain-” you said but he cut you off, “I don’t want any lame-ass explanation, you lied to me and now there's  pictures of you and some guy all over the internet.” You rolled your eyes before replying, “I could explain it if you would let me.” But Ashton wasn’t hearing it. He just gave you a glare before grabbing his keys and walking out of your house. You heard his car door slam and then he was gone. You groaned in frustration, knowing all of this would’ve been avoided if he had listened. You had gone out with family the night before and then you and your cousin Josh had stayed out later than everyone else because it had been so long since you’d seen each other. Ashton had never met Josh so when fans had spread pictures of the two of you, Ashton had gotten mad and wouldn’t listen to reason. So you decide to just wait it out, knowing Ash would eventually calm down and come around. And you were right, later that night while you were laying in bed getting ready to get some sleep, your phone rang with Ashton’s name flashing on the screen. You immediately answered, “Hello Ashton.” he sighed, probably relieved that you had picked up at all, “Hey babe, umm, about earlier…” he trailed off and you giggled, “If you had let me talk I would’ve told you that he was my cousin that I haven’t seen in years.” You could almost hear Ashton’s pout through the phone, “I’m so sorry, I should’ve listened and trusted you.” you gave him a “uh huh” and he continued, “I promise to listen better in the future, it just scared me because I don’t want to lose you. I love you (y/n).” “I love you too Ash, I forgive you.” you told him and you stayed on the phone with him talking about random things until you fell asleep with the phone beside your ear.

Luke: It had started as something simple and stupid. You and Luke teased each other all the time. But one day one of you would take it too far and it would end in your very first screaming match in the middle of the living room. You both would say things you didn’t mean and things you never meant to say to each other. “Well if you don’t like it maybe you should leave!” Luke would scream at you. Instead of yelling back at him you would just stop, give him a death glare and nod. “Maybe I should.” Then you would grab your keys and just run out without another word and it would set in for Luke that, “oh my god she just left me.” and he would try to chase  you out but he would just see your car speeding down the street. Luke knew you wouldn’t want him to chase after you right now because you both needed space to calm down. So he would hang his head and walk back inside and he couldn’t help the tears falling down his cheeks because he was now scared that you wouldn’t come back. You did though. After sitting in your car for several hours alternating between feeling mad and feeling guilty, you realized it was almost midnight and decided to go home and either make peace with Luke or pack your things if he wanted you to. You hoped with all your heart that he wouldn’t want that. So you arrive home and sneak inside as quietly as you could and the first thing you saw was your boyfriend crashed on the couch curled up in a ball like he always did when sleeping alone. When you walked closer you saw his cheeks stained with tears and his eyes still puffy from crying and your heart broke, but you were also a little relieved that today upset him just as much as you, it gave you hope that he wouldn’t kick you out when he woke up. You shook his shoulder lightly and his eyes popped open, eyes widening when he saw you and his arms immediately wrapping around you and pulling you down to him. “oh god, you came back. I was so scared you wouldn’t come back.” he mumbled into your shoulder and you couldn’t help but tear up again as you ran your fingers through his hair to comfort him. “I will always come back Luke. I’m sorry for what I said today.” Luke shook his head at your words and a smile spread across his lips, “I’m sorry too, I love you.” then he pressed his soft lips to yours and your world was right again.

Michael: Michael had been home for only a few days from tour and it had been nice except for one thing- he didn’t want to do anything. Right now he was sat on the couch in his man cave playing video games against some of his friends and you just wanted his attention for once. It wasn’t that you were trying to be selfish and keep him from your game, but he had been playing for hours and he hadn’t done much with you since he had gotten home. “Mikey, how much longer are you going to play?” you asked from your spot on the opposite end of the couch. “I don’t know (y/n), don’t distract me.” He mumbled in response and you frowned at his annoyed tone. “I’m just saying, you’ve been playing for hours. Let’s go out and get some ice cream or something.” you said and he rolled his eyes, “(y/n) I said leave me alone.” “Whatever.” you replied and stood up going to get dressed to get ice cream alone. You meant to quickly walk in front of Michael so you wouldn’t bother him and it was easier than squeezing behind the couch to get to the door. But your foot got caught on the cord of the play station and you tripped, pulling the cord out with you. You looked up to see a black screen and a very angry Michael. You scrambled to your feet and kicked the wire off, “Michael I’m so sorry, my foot got tangled-” you tried to calm him down but he wouldn’t let you, “I told you to leave me the hell alone but you just had to be a drama queen and ruin my whole game! Just get out of here!” “It was an accident Michael! Stop yelling at me.” he rolled his eyes at you again and crossed his arms with a frown on his face, “accident my ass, you’ve been a pest all day. Just because you’re bored doesn’t mean you have to be a brat and ruin my day.” You gasped, tears pricking your eyes at his words, “since when did you become such a jerk? You’ve been like this ever since you came home. I just want to spend time with my boyfriend!” With that you ran out of the room. A part of you hoped he would run out after you and realize how much you missed him. But that hope died when you heard the door of his mancave slam closed behind you. With a sigh you found a pint of chocolate ice cream in the back of the freezer, grabbed a spoon, and hid yourself in the bedroom watching chick flicks on Netflix and trying to put your fight out of your mind. Michael emerged about an hour later. He felt awful for the way he had talked to you and your yelling at him made him realize how much he had been ignoring you. He made his way to your shared bedroom and peeked in, a smile on his lips when he saw you licking the spoon and he heard your favorite movie on the tv. He sneaked inside, you ignoring his quiet approach. He didn’t say anything as he crawled up beside you and took the spoon, taking a bite of the ice cream and your eyes finally met his. “let’s go out tonight and have a date night and let me make up for everything I’ve said and done. I really missed you too, and it’s hard to get back to normal life after being away so long. I’ll get better though, I didn’t realize I was hurting you so much.” he said and you put the ice cream down and crossed your arms, “I get to pick the pizza toppings for a month.” Michael smiled widely and nodded, knowing he had the best girlfriend in the world.