Twilight AU where Bella is rightly Creeped the Fuck Out by Edward rather than intrigued by him and, hoping to defuse the situation before it becomes a Thing, decides to talk to his “sister” about his behavior

What Bella knows about the fallout: Rosalie is out of school for a couple of days, and upon returning gives Bella a thumbs up from across the lunch room but offers no further explanation. Edward is absent from school for a couple of weeks, even when the rest of the Cullens are all there, and then carefully gives her space from then on out.

What Bella does not know about the fallout: Rosalie “Rapist Eater” Hale tore her surrogate brother’s arm off at the shoulder and beat him around the head with it while yelling “Don’t Stalk Girls” until Emmet and Jasper pulled her off of him and made her give the arm back.

some fond nicknames I have been using for She-Ra and the Princesses of Power characters

“Arrow Sokka”

“Jasper from SU but she loves hugs”

“catgirl fanon Draco”

“April Mermaidgate”

“Ice Toph”

“Comrade Rainbow Pegasus”

“aw, Kyle”

tumblr staff has small [CENSORED] energy

my adhd ass when someone says something and expects me to be able to comprehend it the first time

Puzzle Art

Vancouver-based artist Tim Klein makes puzzle montages from different puzzles using the same die cut pattern.

THESE ARE AMAZING

kookaburra: *sits in the old gum tree*

merry merry king of the bushes: he

nail polish is goblincore bc you can make your fingernails colorful and sparkly and also you can hoard the bottles which are colorful and make good clacking sounds

it’s just one of those croissant days

we love a recovery

Free worldbuilding idea:

Wizards have the same trust in magic that software designers have in software, which is to say, almost none at all.

“Are you fucking kidding me I worked in a reagrent shop for a few years I don’t trust any of that stuff. Who the hell knows what other components are in the ashes.”

“Yeah I was in the circle that made Alston’s Divine Circle of Teleportation. There’s some pretty nasty corner cases you can get into but the headmaster published it without us. I just take ships. It’s way safer.”

“I call bullshit on that Necromancer channeling spirits of loved ones. What did he say he was using? ‘Medium Conduit Ruinic Circles’? That’s just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, and they don’t even interact with each other.”

“I’ve been looking at this scroll all morning and I’m 90% sure that the scribe didn’t even look at the standard for pyromancies.”

“Help Desk, this is Gloriline, what did you fuck up this time?” *indistinct vocals* “Dave, I’ve seen the news, and, frankly, I can see the ash cloud from here. You paid for extended support, not enabling support.”

this changed me as a person

I’m in tears!

I just want to know how the writers of snl knew about my very specific sexual fantasy

my soul: saved 

One of my favourites

the shot of a pizza roll dragging across bare skin fucking kills me

EDIT: Okay, as it turns out I actually have Feels about this.

“What’s your name?” “I’ve never had one.”

Not only is this objectively the funniest line in the entire thing, but it also speaks to something deeper. Like, every bit guy who was in one scene gets a name. But not her, the ostensible star of the commercial. She exists only to feed her Hungry Guys. Her name is “Babe, we need more Totinos!”

That actually says… kinda a lot about heteronormativity and marketing.

They did two previous ones of these and, no, she never did have a name.

@phallicasfuck

yes we avoided the Glee Hamiton episode but the bullet we really dodged was their Dear Evan Hansen episode

Australian Flag from ‘The Simpsons’

from /r/vexillology Top comment: I’d hate to be a Australian in the Simpsons universe and have to explain to people why this is our flag.

I’d hate to be an Australian in this universe and have to explain to people why their flag is the way it is.

I’d hate to be an Australian in this universe

I spent the afternoon arranging our books by size and color (and it’s so satisfying and looks amazing) and my partner came home and stared in shock at the bookcase and then said “i’m a librarian, you can’t do this.”

him: you split up all the song of ice and fire books

me: yeah i know, they’re all primary colors, it’s perfect

him: [self-destructs]

You’re a monster

I’m standing at the bus stop and some high schoolers were trying to decipher the new time table before eventually saying “idk ask the witchy goth lady” before promptly turning to ME and saying “excuse me m'am? When’s the next bus?”

This is it, I’ve finally reached peak aesthetic. I’m the local witch and I’m not even wearing a hat.

I should buy a hat.

Do you have a wand though?

I have a stare that can make people feel uncomfortable if that counts.

I think Kambarang has ended and Birak has begun. The wind is a cold but steady sheet coming across the water from Freo to Crawley. I can hear the hum of the void and the howl of traffic from across the vast expanse of flat water. Perth has astonishingly predictable wind and dangerously unreliable rains.

http://www.bom.gov.au/iwk/calendars/nyoongar.shtml#kambarang

On Noongar land, the Noongar seasons are true and the four seasons always lie. True First Summer, Birak, has begun but the European calendar says it is still spring.