Having total brain fog at work. My days anymore feel like I have to walk through mud. I'm trying so hard just to think of what I need to do next at a career I've worked since 2008. Maybe I just need coffee and I'm being dramatic 🥴

Coming back to Tumblr is something I'd thought about for a while, but this post is hopefully going to be the thought I had today that I just HAD to get out there. It's not juicy or anything, it's just something I didn't particularly want a bunch of "thoughts and prayers" replies to and I know that's exactly what I'd get on Facebook.

So I'm thinking heavily on the "martyr mentality" I feel gets pushed. The "tough it out," crowd, the people who celebrate going in to work unless they're practically vomiting blood and have at least three broken bones. The crowd who play "pain Olympics" with, "I don't know why Suzie can't handle a simple job when she only has [blankety blank]"

And honestly, well, this is a personal decision. Because no, am I going to come to work with an IV pole and chemo hanging? Nah I'm good. But I do enjoy my job mostly. And I have a lot in life I enjoy that requires me to have a good, steady income. I also know that when I was furloughed during covid, it was one of the lowest points on my life. I like the momentum.

I've veered a little off point, but where I'm leading, is that this has lead to me somewhat tolerating a lot of "issues" with my body.

My neck hurts? It's tension. Isn't everyone stressed?!

Headaches every day? Isn't that also pretty much everyone? And while they aren't localized to the front of my face... That doctor did say he still thinks it's my sinuses. HaVe SoMe fLoNaSe. Dizzy? Yeah, must be those damned sinuses. Or maybe I should eat.

How did I actually find out something is actually wrong? I was walking through a parking lot and a parking gate fell on my damn head. And I got a CT. Even then, I was told the CT was normal. The next day I got the email, "Hey, you have some new results on your patient portal." I looked out of boredom. Long story short, I'm having a Chiari decompression next month which is an operation which involves my skull, the covering of my brain, and my c1 vertebrae.

So my point is no, I don't want to let these headaches and aches and pains run my life. But damn, that "suck it up" mentality did nothing to help me.

If anyone has actually made it this far and actually reading this, don't ignore your red flags. If you think a "sinus headache" in the back of your head sounds like a crock of shit, go somewhere else.

Highly doubt anyone remembers me.

Used to be BIG into Sims. Formerly JKAmaryllis I think. Or Voidverg. I decided to change the name when I left my husband in 2020. I haven't been on Tumblr in forever. Hadn't been into gaming much. I'll actually probably go into that in a post later. (will probably get back into it soonish).

I may later figure out how to archive my old posts because this will likely take on a completely different mood, flavor etc. Feel free to unfollow or hang around and see what happens.

Mainly, this is more for a kind of therapy for myself. I just feel like I wanted a place where I could vent things that I didn't feel safe saying anywhere else. I need to work on the name, something not searchable lol. Because who knows. But for the most part, I just feel like screaming into the void. Hello void?

Cars and Coffee

Another oldie for the queue

I found an old blog that had some old comp photos lol so I figured why not add them to my queue 🤷‍♀️

The New River Gorge Bridge is one of my favorite places IRL btw. Of course I had to build my CAMP with a great view of it :)

Anyone else think of War of the Worlds? At least the 2005 movie version lol

When a genie gives you $100k simoleons, you get a Zl1. :D   What color? I have a feeling he suggested hyper blue metallic ;) 

This baby deserves a garage lol

My current family, even if they look a bit unhappy lol