benefits of living in a lighthouse

When trans women are mocked and made into jokes in the media, I get very upset, and I am often told “Kay, you can’t go through life getting offended every time someone makes a joke.” And I sputter and object but they don’t hear me. So I want to be clear for once, about why the jokes make me angry.

I learned to hate myself for being transgender before I knew I was transgender. I laughed at the jokes in stand up comedy routines, and prime time sitcoms, and animated comedy shows, and in the movies, and in books, and in games, laughing at trans women for existing, about “men in dresses”, about people who “got their dicks chopped off”, and I learned to think that was worthy of ridicule.

And then a day came when I felt a pang of envy at what my female classmates were wearing and I repressed it, and felt guilty, and a day where I felt incomplete because I had no breasts and I repressed it and I felt disgusting And a day when I realized the only images of romance that made me feel anything showed two women together and I repressed it and I felt like a monster And a day when I realized I felt sick when I looked at myself in the mirror after every shower before work and couldn’t bear to look at my own face, and I hated myself. And then there came a day when I hated myself so much, and I thought I could never understand why, and so I just wanted it all to end. And it was just a miracle that I swerved my car back into my lane in time.

And all of it started with a joke that I heard on TV, and then kept hearing from all the voices from the ether, over and over and over, worming an idea into my mind before I was old enough to realize I was absorbing it, the idea that a man in a dress is funny, and that changing your body parts makes you a freak, and that women who have penises instead of vaginas are liars and hurt men. And they’re still making these jokes. And somewhere out there right now, just like all those years ago, there is a little girl in a t-shirt and cargo shorts with buzzed off hair watching the TV, hearing that joke and absorbing it without knowing it, who will someday have to pry herself apart to tear it out of her head, just like I did.

That is, if she doesn’t kill herself first.

I know this is a really heavy post but if you read it and you appreciated it, I’d appreciate it in return if you reblogged it. This is really important to me and I want people to read it and understand it. Thank you.

Just don’t be a dick. That’s it.

im sick and tired of men complaining about women being afraid of them like i DO NOT CARE if it hurts your feelings when a girl crosses the street to get further away from you!!! we hear how men talk about us! we see how men treat us! well stop being scared of men when they stop being so fucking scary!

#This

The Little Mermaid: Shorter Version 🦀

Did I need this?

Yes. Yes I did.

I LOVE THIS. THIS IS DELIGHTFUL

i hate like Starting Discourse but like … as somebody who has seen kind of a lot of messed up posts this pride, i want to point out that inter-community violence and exclusionism is … frankly inherently anti-pride. just… listen for a bit and if you don’t agree, that’s fine. but listen.

there’s a reason people say “no homo.” even though we hear all the time about how we’re *special snowflakes who get special attention*, people know that this isn’t a safe community to be in. i mean belonging to it - identifying openly - is a scary thing, one that paints a target on your back. so when someone voluntarily says “this is where i belong”, what the heck am i saying when i say, “no, you don’t.” they don’t get special buttons, they don’t get hugs and kisses. people who come out get kicked out of houses, abused by parents. we know that, but we lose sight of it for some reason. i was kicked out of my school’s lgbt+ group by some of the students because i was “not gay enough”. i believed it. i couldn’t say “i’m bi” for another four years after it. i said i was straight but like, playing. i said i was straight and i went home to catholic parents and i said i was straight and i went to prom alone because the girl i loved was out of state and i said i was straight until i was nineteen and drunk and whispering “i like her” to myself in a completely dark room. i still sometimes wonder - do i belong at pride? because of how much people seem to think we don’t.

and i might be alone in this but it makes me sad when people say “oh such and such an identity is taking up our space!!” there’s not a limited amount of space. that idea is something that the straight world wants us to believe, that we can only fit into this tiny little corner and that’s it. but the more of us there are, the more space we take up, the more force we have. so of course the outside community wants us to silence those who “aren’t gay enough,” because if you have only those who qualify shouting, you’re not going to have nearly enough voices. but if all of us - and i mean every person you call “fake bi”, every person who “just went through a phase” - whatever - if all of us are shouting, how much louder would that voice be? if we didn’t kick out every teenager who said “i’m just experimenting,” if we included every mom who “had a fling in college,” if we…. were together…..

those who oppose us want us to fight. divided, we are a mess, as every revolution is. they want our pride to be spent biting at each other instead of turning around and fighting. stonewall wasn’t where we fought each other. stonewall was when it finally stopped mattering, we were all angry, and hurt, and willing. and that fight? that’s what started us on the path to being free. an entire tide of people, all “enough”, no matter where they fell in lgbt.

i know this: people cannot steal my identity. just in the way that stars cannot steal each other’s beauty. let them in. if you won’t love them, send them to me. but a nation of gates and locks and tests is not a community.

Rihanna at Zac Posen’s studio.

why are yall so afraid to double text like ill be out here sending 9 messages in a row buzz buzz another message? its me bitch i just got a lot to say!!

When you’re wearing HP merch and someone tells you “omg I love Harry Potter! I’m a Gryffindor.” and you think to yourself “are you really a Gryffindor or do you say you are because Harry, Ron and Hermione were Gryffindors and therefor you think it’s the only worthy house because you’ve watched the movies once 4 years ago and don’t really know about the true complexity and attributes that belong to each house and are ignorant to the brilliance and potential of the other houses.” or when someone you just met says “I’m a slytherin, obviously.” and you think to yourself “are you an actual Slytherin or do you say you are because you’re ‘totally evil’ and ‘edgy’ since that’s the (wrong) impression the world seems to have about Slytherins and they’re all connected to the villains in the story, even if the villain presents zero Slytherin traits.”

Sarah Dessen (via quotemadness)

When you’re wearing HP merch and someone tells you “omg I love Harry Potter! I’m a Gryffindor.” and you think to yourself “are you really a Gryffindor or do you say you are because Harry, Ron and Hermione were Gryffindors and therefor you think it’s the only worthy house because you’ve watched the movies once 4 years ago and don’t really know about the true complexity and attributes that belong to each house and are ignorant to the brilliance and potential of the other houses.” or when someone you just met says “I’m a slytherin, obviously.” and you think to yourself “are you an actual Slytherin or do you say you are because you’re ‘totally evil’ and ‘edgy’ since that’s the (wrong) impression the world seems to have about Slytherins and they’re all connected to the villains in the story, even if the villain presents zero Slytherin traits.”

A 1980s Remix of ‘Somebody That I Used to Know’

better than the original

your standards should be high for both your friendships and romantic relationships. everyone you surround yourself with should have qualities you actually admire.

girls who tell other girls they are beautiful instead of giving salty looks are to be cherished 🌈💖🌈💕🌈💖💖💕🌈💖

Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017)