wonderland

I need your words. Im suicidal and I can't die. Im running out of reasons to be happy. Idk what to do. I don't have anyone to talked to. People are so judgmental. Their words are like daggers. Im not supposed to be like this

Reasons to be happy: The rain. Waking up on Sunday at 5am and realizing that you don’t have classes to attend. Looking at your best friend as a way of passing an inside joke and the stifled laugh that comes after. The first bite of your favorite food after a long time of not having it. Clicking the save button of your document after spending six hours on that project. Pink skies. Blue skies. Just skies in general. Hearing your favorite song in the most random place and losing your shitty mood instantly. Ice cream. Cake. All the delicious food that you can think of. Finding out that your favorite author will publish a new book. Finally watching the movie that you waited for years. Reunion concerts of your favorite bands. Having your pet cat or dog cuddle with you. Hugs. Long tight panda bear hugs. Parties. Sitting in front of the sea while watching the sunset. Sitting in front of the sea while watching the sunrise. Amusement parks. Road trips. Long weekends. Kisses. The comfortable silence of the night after a loud day. Finally shutting your book after reading it. Slaying your exams. Long bus rides. Smiling at random strangers. Hearing stories of success from other people. The warmth of your home. The comfort of your room. Just everything, everything that you are.

Think of the person that makes you laugh so hard you can feel your stomach explode. Think of the moments you replayed for countless of times in your head. Think of the conversations that you would like to have again. Think of the hands that you held and the ones that you want to hold. Think of the places that you want to visit. Think of the adventures that you want to experience. All the rides that you haven’t been on. All the crafts that you haven’t created. All the dreams that you haven’t reached. Think of the people who told you that you are beautiful. All the ones who stayed with you. They may not be perfect and may not be always on your side but think of those moments that they spent defending you or comforting you. Think of all the tears that you managed to wipe away. All the mornings that you thought you would never get over with but you did anyway. Think of where you were five years ago. You have come a long way and you deserve to be here, you deserve to go on to the next level.

All you need is a heart that is ready to accept the love of other people, eyes that are focused on seeing the best in yourself, hands that are willing to be held by the ones with real intentions and feet that know how to walk away from the ones who are toxic to you. There will always be those people who are willing to go through an extra mile just to hurt you and do you wrong but it is your choice, my dear if you will let them destroy you or not. This is your life. You are what you make it and you can walk away and ignore the ones who are trying to distract you in your journey. The world is so beautiful and full of possibilities and it is yours to take. Don’t let anyone drag you down to the bottom where they belong. Their words may be daggers but you are so strong you can shield your body from them.  There are a lot of reasons to be happy. I know that it may seem difficult right now but let yourself be open to whatever or whoever that can help you right now. It takes time and you will get there.

I don’t think these words are enough. I just want you to know that you are precious and you deserve to be here. You are worth so much more than you give credit yourself for. Stay, my dear. Stay. Everything will be better for you soon and you need to be here in order to see that.