ONE HUNDRED WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU - PART 14
Summary: Number 14 of 100 ways to say I love you.
Bernie can’t help but find the whole event a rather strange experience. To be at her work Christmas party not in full dress uniform is strange. Of course, she’s used to attending hospital Christmas parties. If she was in the country for the holidays, she had always attended Marcus’ work Christmas party, but for it to be her Christmas party and for it to be a normal civilian event is...strange. She doesn’t know how to act or what she’s expected to do. That was something she was always sure of in the Army, at least after the first year where she didn’t have a fucking clue how to act in the Officers’ Mess. It had soon become second nature, something that came easily: The formality, the titles, the dress code (dress uniform was required so no worrying about what to wear), the expectations. She’s used to the expectations, but right now she unfortunately doesn’t have any.
It’s the first Holby Christmas party she’s attended. In fact, it’s the first formal party she’s attended at Holby at all, since she has previously always offered to work so everyone else could attend. This time, however, Serena had insisted that Bernie request not to work and told her even if she did request to work, since Serena is in charge of scheduling, she would have made sure she was off anyway. Bernie had had no choice really.
She had gone out shopping with Dom to pick an outfit and while she had to wear a skirt in the army she had absolutely no plans of wearing a dress to the Christmas party. Bernie Wolfe does not do dresses. She’d gone with a simple pair of tailored black trousers, a form-fitting light blue tailored blouse and darker blue waistcoat. When she’d first arrived, she had also been wearing a black jacket, but it’s hot in the venue and she’s had more than a couple of glasses of wine.
She and Serena have migrated towards each other a couple of times during the evening, but Bernie has purposely kept everything on the friendly side. They’ve been dating for over a year, but she knows Serena isn’t a fan of hospital gossip. As she thinks of Serena, her eyes naturally search out her girlfriend, and she spots her talking to Henrik and decides to head over to the bar. She’s in need of a whiskey, since even though the food and the not-so-formal formalities are over, Bernie still doesn’t feel like she can relax. She doesn’t know her role or who she is meant to try and talk to, if she has to specifically talk to anyone. She doesn’t quite know what they are meant to talk about. Once again, she always knew the answer to this when she was in the Army, as there was always a specific etiquette to who she should try and speak to and when during the evening and the same such etiquette for what topics should and shouldn’t be discussed. Tonight, she’s had a conversation with Dom, Raf and Fletch, and just managed to make small talk with Ric and Jac.
She sits herself down on a bar stool and nods her head towards Sacha, who is seated a few stools down, deep in conversation with Essie. She then pays more attention to the bartender than she does the party, following him as he serves the people ahead of her. When he finally comes over to her, she decides a double whiskey is acceptable and even orders the expensive stuff, since she knows it tastes better.
She lifts the drink to her lips the second it’s passed to her before she’s even had time to pay the bartender. The burn is soothing, and reminds her of the Officers’ Mess, since they only ever served the best drinks there. She thumbs at the glass absentmindedly and can’t help but wonder how the ward is holding up without her. It’s a week before Christmas and she’s sure there will have been at least one trauma call tonight. In some ways, Bernie can’t help but wish she was working tonight rather than sitting here feeling very much lost in a room full of colleagues she normally feels totally at home around.
She is therefore shocked when she suddenly feels a gentle weight on her shoulder. She looks up to find Serena smiling sweetly down at her. She eyes the whiskey in Bernie’s hand but doesn’t comment, for which Bernie is thankful, since it is after all slightly earlier in the night than Bernie would normally drink a whiskey, especially a double.
There is a comfortable silence between the two of them and Bernie listens as the music turns from Mariah Carey’s version of “All I Want for Christmas,”— even with her crap song knowledge she knows that one—to something slower that she recognises but can’t place.
“Can I have this dance?” And if Serena’s touch on her shoulder had startled her earlier it is nothing compared to the shock she feels now.
She stares at Serena almost completely dumbstruck for a few seconds before she finds words...sort of. “But...everyone...I can’t...”
“Major Wolfe, were you or were you not an Army officer?” The title shocks her again. Serena is one of the people who scarcely uses it, especially not in anything more than a joking way.
“Then you can’t for a second tell me you don’t know how to dance. I don’t know much but I do know dancing was a must at formal Army events, so...can I have this dance?”
This time Bernie finds her words and actually manages to convey what she’s been trying to say ever since Serena asked. “But everyone from work is here, they don’t all know about us, and the lyrics, well they are rather suggestive”— Bernie has heard the words ‘real love’ at least twice— “and I know better than anyone how much you hate rumours.” It’s the reason Bernie has kept her distance from Serena tonight, not wanting to put her in an awkward position. Tonight, she hasn’t been able to get that image of Serena pulling away from her just over a year ago as they both got out of the car when she’d tried to hold Serena’s hand out of her head. She’s kept it totally friendly not wanting to make Serena uncomfortable. It’s the reason she’s spent most of the night feeling uncomfortable and out of place, while her girlfriend has moved around from person to person like she owns the place, like she is perfectly at home.
By the time she’s finished speaking she finds the whiskey glass in her hand very intriguing, running her finger round the rim, a clear sign of nerves. She doesn’t get time to actually lift the glass to her lips though, because Serena places a gentle but firm hand under her chin and forces Bernie’s gaze upward.
“Berenice Griselda Wolfe, you have been my girlfriend for over a year, I don’t care who knows, and it’s not actually rumour if it’s true.” Bernie chuckles gently at this as she supposes Serena has a point. “Is that the reason you’ve seemed distant this evening?” Serena’s hand stops her from looking at the floor, but she knows the blush that has spread across her cheeks gives her away.
“Oh, Bernie,” Serena says in a gentle tone that settles Bernie a little for the first time that evening. “Come on. I believe I need a Major to lead me in a dance.” Bernie downs the rest of her whiskey before allowing Serena to lead her to the dance floor. There are a few couples scattered around, mainly ones she herself doesn’t recognise.
As they reach the dance floor, Bernie twirls Serena around. She takes hold of Serena’s right hand and waist. Bernie lets herself feel the beat before she starts to spin them around gently, taking the lead as Serena had requested. She lets the rhythm of the music lead her, as this is something she’s familiar with, and instead blocks out the rest of the world to focus on Serena. And when, three songs later, some much more upbeat song neither of them recognises starts to play and Serena pulls away from Bernie’s grasp slightly to place a kiss against her lips, Bernie feels fully at ease for the first time that night.
