...fuck

Me going shopping looking for a mini skirt but I leave with a hoodie and boxers.

Not me, using this app as a sad diary because no one I know uses this app anymore and will probably never see any of this.

The words I never said. The ones I wish I didn't say. The things I could have done different and things I can never undo. The people in my life I've let go and the ones that fled.

Every silly little thought inside my head.

I wouldn't change anything I have now but I've lost a lot of people along the way. There are so many I hope I cross paths with again but I doubt they would want me on their path because they only knew the old me. She wasnt always a good friend or a good person. She didn't know what she stood for or who to believe. She was so hurt and angry. So many things and feelings she shouldn't have had to experience. No one really knew how bad things were at home and I didn't see how much it was affecting my life around me. Now that everyone Is gone I understand. I wouldn't of wanted to be around me either. If you were ever in my life , thank you and I'm sorry.

What really fucks me up about this app is, 11 years ago there was a night when someone on here saved my life. She's now been dead for a few years and I will never forget her. I just wish more than anything I could have been there to save hers. She didn't deserve what happened to her and i can't believe I never even got to meet her. Never underestimate the power of internet friends

Thinking about how much I miss her makes me want to vomit to be honest. Like my heart aches so much it's physically painful and my chest is so tight I can't breathe. Is this normal ? ..... please advise.

To , her :

I've gone through so many cycles of avoiding or obsessing over things because they remind me of you. I never thought I would lose you and yet somehow I lost you twice. But this time it seems permanent. I don't want to make this about me when I know you were going through so much and I'm sure you still are. I just wanted to be there for you. I know you didn't want me to see you like that but I would give anything just to see you at all. I should have never let you distance yourself. At least that's what I tell myself happened. You just wanted to distance yourself. I replay so many moments in my head I could have done differently and maybe we'd still be talking right now. But another part of me thinks this was inevitable because you already had your mind made up long before I realized what was happening. I know I wasn't the best friend or the best person and I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for a lot of things. One of those things was not being there for you like you needed. I gave you space but then that space turned into a canyon. And that canyon turned into an ocean. And now I'm stuck at the shore without a boat.

Ive been trying to work on myself and be better and I hope you would be proud of the person I am now. We knew eachother at a very hard time in both of our lives and I'm so grateful I had any time with you at all. Someday I hope we meet again.