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hello i have been inactive for months and plan to be for many more to come but just in case u forgot i really love the cure

minds work weird. this is the first thing i remember from my life. ive known this moment long before i saw the photo for the first time. i was 2, and i probably had nothing on my mind but how cool my moms hands were and how i didnt want to pee or eat or cry. my mom told me that when i was 4 i climbed up on an abandoned israeli tank and fell down. then i was 9, and all i thought about was that i had just lived through a war and i was happy my brother was alive. then 11 12 and 13 and i cared about how my friends looked nicer than me, and how i would never be with paolo nutini. 16 17 i still thought my friends looked nicer than me, but now i thought they were smarter, better, nicer. i thought they didnt really think of themselves as my friends. and at 19 i still think these things, and i think that at 11 and 17 i could have been thinking of much better things. maybe i should think about better things. its hard to shut your brain off, and its hard to control what you think about. you tell yourself, stop thinking about your problems and your faults. stop being so selfish. but selfishness is nothing like self love. self love is whats missing here. so if i take the love i have for the world, if i take the love i have for my friends' minds, for my mom's hands, for space and menswear, for the possibility of life before life and life after it ends, if i take the love i have for everything outside of me and channel it into myself, how beautiful would life be? would i go back to this moment when i was 2 and i was watching these statues in the lake and all i felt was content? what a beautiful thought. but it seems distant and i feel daft to have made it seem so simple. sometimes you have to soldier on through the ugly thoughts and come out of them okay and forget falling in love with yourself but hey maybe pat yourself on the back for going through the day not thinking of how you could look nicer or you could think better thoughts. you did good kid.

why is it still thirty degrees