I'm a diagnosed borderline with depression and I be always had super duper intense emotions but the past week I've been feeling extremely numb. It's a new feeling and sometimes I like that I don't react in such a strong manner but I just feel less happy all together too. Is that me getting better or worse? Im medicated as all hell and have been through dialectic therapy twice. If this is getting better sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it.
Going off of this, I’m not sure I have enough information.
However, I will say a couple things:
- Extreme feelings of emptiness are very common in BPD and this could be what you’re experiencing. If it is, distress tolerance skills might help. The ones centered around activity, such as playing a game or doing crafts, have always been especially helpful for me.
- It’s possible that what you’re experiencing is a symptom of your depression. If you think this could be the case, maybe consider letting a professional know.
I’ll also add this: From personal experience, I know that one of the most confusing parts of BPD recovery has been the “boredom.” I’m not entirely sure how to explain it. My emotional state used to be so incredibly heightened 90% of the time that, in a way, it was exciting (albeit painful). When I was sad, I was really, really sad. When I was happy, I was on a complete emotional high (and let’s not even talk about the crash that would follow).
Now that I’m recovered, that just isn’t the case. My sadness can still be difficult, but it doesn’t reach where it used to very often or for nearly as long. My happiness is still really nice to experience, but even that is less intense. A lot of the time I think I feel “flat/numb” but really, that’s just my emotional state hanging out at baseline. It’s all definitely taken some getting used to. At times, when I’ve been bored or even only mildly happy/content, I’ve even questioned if something’s wrong because for so many years of my life I was used to those extremes. But over time, it’s become far more familiar and less scary to feel things less intensely.
Recovery is absolutely worth it and I can genuinely say I’m far more comfortable living my life at baseline. Promise.
If you’re questioning if it’s something other than these things, such as a medication problem, etc. then I think you need to let your team know.