@timedork / timedork.tumblr.com
This is the cutest thing I have ever seen
this is a lot
that baby/young elephant is so cute I love animals
Don’t ignore the baby.
Elephants are so precious ✨
I love him
You WILL pay attention to me. I’m far more important than that fence.
help I’ve fallen and am perfectly capable of getting up but refuse to
what is the january mood?
Shoutout to people who can’t stand loud noise because of anxiety or sensory issues or chronic migraines and have to deal with people being unnecessarily loud all the time but can’t do or say anything about it because that’s “rude” and “ruining everyone’s good time”
well maybe a shoutout’s not the best idea but we appreciate the sentiment
me: this fun and lighthearted movie made me happy, therefore it is a good movie
film critics:
I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.
TRANSCRIPT:
JOHN MULANEY: I normally don’t notice people. I zone out constantly. Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014.
AUDEINCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I just - all day long, I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I can zone out anywhere - I was at the doctor’s office, he was reading me the results of a blood test, it was important I listened, and I zoned out! I was like, “nah, I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts”.
AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS
MULANEY: I was like, “huh. None of the Beatles had moustaches… but then one day, all of them had moustaches.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that”. Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much - they want me to focus, and they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it. This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS -
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen! If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet with your elbow on your knee while kind of looking at your phone, I’d be the Dalai Lama.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight. So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I mean, it’s fine. Let’s all try right now - let’s all be in the moment, in silence, right now. [A HALF-SECOND PAUSE] Sucked, right? Not fun at all!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: That was boring! You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about something for twenty, twenty-five minutes, and all of a sudden you’re like “oh my god, I’m driving!” and you remember? You’re like -
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “I’m going seventy-five miles an hour! I have been for a while! I could’ve changed so many lives!” Sometimes, my wife - I have this wife - she’ll be like, “are you watching the road?” and I’m always like, “I am looking through the windshield.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “And I’m not gonna hit anyone, but no. I’m thinking about the Beatles.”
Hey @vulpeculavolans added a transcript to this AND THAT IS SO AWESOME THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Three days? Easy peasy.
Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) dir. Peyton Reed
Can we just agree that Scott Lang is one of the most well adjusted, emotionally healthy characters in the MCU?
When faced with absurd Bad Stuff happening, his first thought is “why don’t we call the Avengers?”
I had no idea giant porcupines made fucking precious sounds
THAT’S THE SOUND IT MAKES!?!?!?
UN-BE-FUCKING-LIEVABLE
We got asked if this is cute and okay. I can very happily say yes, this is stupid cute and those are happy porcupine noises.
One of my favorite things about doing zoo work was all the noises you never realize the animals make when they’re excited or interested in a new thing. Coatimundis squeak and snuffle, and giant porcupines make that sound.
Omgggg the sounds.
Teddy is back on my dash and all is right with the world
WE ALMOST TO OCTOBRE POST OF PUNKINBEARS
If you’re trying to catch a housecat that’s gotten outside, don’t forget: they’re an ambush predator and you’re a persistence predator. You have several times more endurance than they do - use that to your advantage! Don’t run after them; that’s playing to the cat’s strengths, and vigorous pursuit may cause them to hide. Instead, follow them at a brisk walking pace until they get tired and need to have a lie-down, at which point you can simply pick them up and take them home.
Ok but no shit this tactic is what allowed humans to survive pre-civilisation
Some mammoth: *chilling, eating grass, mammothing*
Cavedude: *power walks towards them*
Mammoth: oh sIHT
cat : haha you can’t outrun me
human:
That’s the best possible use of a gif I’ve ever seen
you done it
congration
sure i guess sex is okay but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper
I got chills just thinking about this
u dont understand how disappointed i am that this dog didnt appear on my dash this year and how hard i tried to find a post that included both pictures
THERE HE IS
Here Come Dat Boy <3
A Good Nugget
