Well That Happened

Just a reminder that Shaw isn’t actually chipped [as seen when the simulation ends]

in case you were wondering if anyone will remember your random acts of kindness:

when i was in kindergarten, i met a boy named jordan. i don’t remember meeting him. i remember knowing him when, one day before dismissal, he came up and asked if he could be my friend. i was a painfully shy kid, and he was friendly and fun and talked a lot, so i said yes. we were the kind of friends that kindergarteners are: buddies during snack time, sharing the best crayons when we colored, and never even thinking that it could go outside of the walls of our school. it was fine. it was great. i had a friend. he’s the first friend i ever made on my own. he’s the first person who made me realise that i could.

my next clear memory of jordan comes when i was in fourth grade. in the morning, i was talking to kristen, who was one of my only friends at that point. she was looking forward to gym, because it was dodgeball day. i was not; i was always picked last in gym class, no matter who the team captains were. you don’t pick the slow-moving kid with glasses if you want to win, and grade-schoolers can be cruel. jordan heard, though; i remember that, because i remember him looking at me as i pointed out how much i wasn’t looking forward to gym, and i remember my cheeks burning because this popular kid heard about my problems.

we had lunch, and math, and finally gym to round out the day. gym, and dodgeball, and riley being one captain, and jordan being the other. and jordan, who won the coin toss, who got his pick of any kid in our class, picking me first. he didn’t even hesitate. he called my name, he pointed to me, and he smiled at me when i walked up to stand next to him. when riley laughed and picked derek for his team and taunted jordan about how he was going to lose, jordan laughed right back and told him that with me on his team, he was definitely going to win. (i don’t remember if we won or not. we probably didn’t. all i remember is not hating dodgeball for one day, and that was enough.)

fast-forward another few years, to another gym class in another school. we were doing baseball, which was my own personal hell in seventh grade. my eyesight hadn’t gotten any better, and i was too tall, too skinny, too out of touch with how to move my limbs to possibly make the bat and the ball connect. rules were rules, though, and no matter how far back in the batting line i stood, nobody was allowed to go back in the building until everyone had a chance. i made myself last every chance i could, because by that point anyone who was interested in the sport had gotten their fill and wandered away, and it didn’t matter that i stuck my elbows out and hunched over the plate and swung and swung and swung at balls that kept whizzing by me and smacking into the fence.

this day, though, this day was the worst day, because i had to be in the middle of the lineup. i don’t remember why; i only remember the sick feeling in my stomach, the feeling that the class would laugh at me as i stood there praying i didn’t move the wrong way and get hit with the ball. when i got up to home plate, i grabbed the bat and stood there and stared at the pitching mound, and jordan smiled back at me. i was clearly nervous; it was no secret that i hated gym, wasn’t any good at it. there were two kids on bases in the field, and someone in the back made a comment about striking me out; one of the kids on base groaned about how he was just going to steal home. jordan kept smiling as he walked off the mound, came up next to me, and quietly asked if he could show me how to hold the bat, how to stand. he demonstrated how to swing, and told me to just try to hit it gently. “just like this,” he said, and held the bat out in front of himself. bunting. i knew the name, even if i’d never been able to pull it off before. “hold it there. you’ll hit the ball.”

i nodded. i didn’t care. i wanted it to be over with.

he walked back to the mound, looked back and me, and then took a few steps forward. “just like i said,” he told me, and i nodded again. he tossed the ball very gently, and i held the bat out, and miracle of miracles, i bunted the ball. “run, run,” he yelled, making a ridiculous dive for the ball, kicking it out of the way of any of the outfielders who were catching on and heading for it. “first base!”

i ran. i made it to first base. i laughed, because i had never been able to do that before, and jordan turned and smiled at me before returning to the mound and striking out the next three people at bat, one right after the other.

now consider this: i met jordan almost twenty-five years ago. i remember these things, these small kindnesses, the things he didn’t have to do but did anyway. he probably doesn’t remember doing any of them. he probably doesn’t even remember me, at this point, and that’s fine. i remember his kindness when there wasn’t a ton to be had, and i remember him smiling when everyone else was laughing at me.

kindness matters. thanks for being kind, jordan. and to everyone else who has been kind, to me or to someone else: thank you, too. your kindness is noted, is appreciated, is remembered.

And also, who thought Shaw was dead??? Cause if CBS were paying attention to the series????? The show confirmed she survived a few episodes after the cliffhanger???????? And Team Machine found out in the S4 finale?????????? Then again, you are the same network that cancelled your best show so????????????????

what if they were just throwing shade at all the dumb fucks who tried to throw POI into the group of shows that went along with the Bury Your Gays trope tho

Amy Acker deserves a fucking Emmy for every single muscle in her amazing actress face.

So I was watching Bad Code and thinking about this post and I’m always struck by the librarian saying Hanna “looked out for” Root.  She was a “funny kid” and her mom “wasn’t well” and it’s easy to gather that Hanna was maybe the one bit of good in Root’s world (her disappearance and the aftermath solidifying the idea that the world is cold and people are bad code).  She was the only person who made Root feel like someone cared enough about her to be protective.

And I kinda like the idea that the feeling - being protected, being looked out for - is Root’s primary association with feeling loved.  It’s something she always takes note of, and points out:  first with The Machine (”she looks out for me”/”she cares about us”/”Miss Groves believes The Machine will protect her”) and then many times with Shaw: “Admit it, you were worried about me.”  “I knew you’d come back for me.”  “Tell Shaw I was touched she came to look for me.”  That’s what makes Root feel more cared about than she’s been in so long. 

So how great is it that the person she falls for is Sameen “I do the protecting!” Shaw.  Because Shaw is someone who shows she cares through action, through her willingness to drop everything (and bike to another state) to stand beside you in a fight.  And Root completely gets that: “The thing about Shaw is, she does care.  Enough to save my life.”  She would never want Shaw to change, would never demand more from her, because what she already gives is so much to Root.  It’s good enough for her.  Because for Root feeling loved just feels like being looked out for and protected, to know someone actually gives a shit about her not getting hurt.

And for the record that’s also probably why I have millions of feelings about John going back for Root and Harold refusing to leave her in the subway.  This whole family looks out for her now and I just?????

tweet | promo

Shaw to Bear after returning to Team Machine.

(via ipersonofinterest-fanpage)

I am in awe of the sheer wonder on Root’s face when she finally hears TM talking to her again and how she rushes forward to make physical contact with some part of it. She’s been so without it for so long that she’s grateful even for the excruciating pain TM is causing her at the moment.

Also, god bless Amy Acker for how beautifully she played this scene. Look at the last gif – you can see a perfect blend of agony and joy on her face, and how she tears up due to both. 

#do you ever think about how out of the two loves of root’s life #one of them can’t technically feel anything because it’s a machine #and the other has the volume on their feelings turned down and doesn’t show affection/love in any traditional way #but root loves them so fiercely and unconditionally and doesn’t necessarily need reciprocation #like she’ll look at them like they’re God/her sun and stars and their existence is enough because their existence is astounding to her #and maybe someday is enough and a throwaway promise is all she needs #like she asks for essentially the bare minimum #or even when she told Harold that it’s ok if they’re not friends anymore bc him being alive is enough #root #the misanthrope #has all the love to give and doesn’t ask for it in return like what kind of heartbreaking bullshit - @ddatrw

Maritza in the Season 4 Trailer