Into the Garbage Chute...

had a genuine revelation in therapy that made me burst out laughing, been a while since I had one of those

therapist was talking about urge surfing (the idea that urges are waves that come and go if you ride them out, so the more you delay acting on the urge, the more likely you are not to do it) and then I was talking about how the transient nature of my emotions is actually what gets me so mad, like it's actually very very annoying to be so so sad but to also be thinking "I know I'm very sad right now but unfortunately I am going to feel better later so I can't destroy my life for one minute's gratification," and it's just so annoying because if I knew or at least believed that I was gonna be sad FOREVER it would make things much easier, but instead I'm so mad at the knowledge that this too will pass. like it's a manifestation of weak will to not feel bad forever.

and my therapist was like, "so even at the worst times, you still have hope"

and I was like "holy shit dude" because never once in my life have I considered that the little bastard voice that tells me not to smash all the dishes because they'll be a pain in the ass to clean up in ten minutes is the last gift/curse of Pandora's box

hope is a thing with wings, i.e. a bird and like most birds is 1) very beautiful, 2) very annoying, and 3) sometimes shits on you

(via @yourblackhearts )

Update:

Adam Driver makes an appearance on Last Week Tonight and confronts John Oliver about John’s constant thirsting over him 😂 November 15, 2020.

im a romantic but the plot twist is that im unlovable

it should’ve been sinclair

You’re a daycare worker, watching over toddlers, when the imminent end of the world is announced. It becomes increasingly clear none of the kids’ parents are going to show up as the end inches nearer.

[Audio starts]

“Mom has been texting me for the last twenty minutes. She wants me to come home. It’s a four hour drive, when the roads are clear, and from what I hear everybody is trying to get somewhere right now. There’s no telling if I’d even-”

“Everybody else has left. All the other kids were picked up, the other staff left. They gave me all the keys. I promised to stay and wait for as long as- well. Even if some of the parents show up, I guess some of them won’t, so I’m just waiting. Until.”

[Clears throat.]

“A couple of people came after everybody left. Peter, one of Aidan’s fathers, gave me three hundred dollars for staying. What am I going to do with money? It’s- anyway. I kind of get it. He wanted to give me something.”

[Audio ends]

[Audio starts]

“They’re all between 2 and 4.” Sniff. “They’re so little. Too little to really- maybe if they were older, I’d have to tell them something. But um. I’m just- trying to stay calm and keep them happy and occupied. I think that’s the best thing, right now.”

[Heaving breaths.]

“I normally use this recorder to help me remember stuff. It’s just, uh, habit to talk to it. I don’t know. They’re napping, right now. I’ve got the baby monitor, they know that if they talk into it, I’ll come, so-”

[Sobbing.]

[Audio ends]

[Audio starts]

“Mom keeps texting, so I blocked her. I sent her a text telling her goodbye, first, but. I do. But these kids need me.”

[Sniff.]

“I tried calling their parents again, but I can’t get anybody. It’s just busy signals. I called the firefighter station, 911. I can’t get through to anybody.”

[Shaky breath.]

“I went out into the yard. Um, I think they can play. It’s nice out, and you can’t really see it yet. Little bit of a glimmer, if they ask I’ll just tell them it’s a plane, but it’s nice out and we’ve got hours before-”

[Murmuring child’s voice, indistinguishable.]

[Audio ends]

Keep reading

hamlet, bouncing onstage for his fifth unwanted soliloquy of the day:

i’m not sleepy in a cute way but in a chronic depression and insomnia way 

Lizzie, rejecting Darcy’s proposal: “And what about Mr. Wickham? What excuse can you give for your behavior towards him? He told me of his misfortunes.”

Mr Darcy:

Lizzie: “That you chose to tell me that you liked me against your better judgment! That you ruined, perhaps forever, the happiness of a most beloved sister! That you -”

Mr Darcy:

Does anyone else feel, like, a weird inhibition against starting new TV shows?  Like, there are shows I want to watch but when I think about sitting down to start it something in me goes “no you can’t just do that.”  What am i waiting for?  I feel like I need to prepare?  Brain:  You have to wait.  Me:  Wait for what???  Brain:  WAIT

I found out recently that it’s due to not having enough emotional or mental space to process something new. Got too much going on in your own head/real life already.

my body, tearfully: when sleep???

me: my dude we just woke up!! It’s time for wakefulness and doing things and Productivity

my body, weeping: but???? when sleep?????

me: okay, finally now is sleep

my body: no. wrong.

my personal curse is the knowledge that I function best with rigid structure and strict routine but am almost totally incapable of independently establishing or maintaining that structure and routine

I still think about the person on twitter who thought that Pennywise was living in Derry, Ireland every waking second of my life.

If I think about a Derry Girls au too long, I literally pass out. It’s like, what if the Losers were 8 times stupider and more chaotic? It’s all I’ve ever wanted!!

Like I don’t even know how you would even plot this fic out? Literally all 5 of them would encounter Pennywise and immediately scream and try to hit him with the nearest object?? Like Pennywise would starve to death in Derry. All the kids would throw hands the second they saw him.

“Are ye saying you saw a clown, Michelle?”

“Aye, it was a fecking clown, Claire.”

“But, clowns aren’t even scary!” 

“Aye, I know that, and I told the wee bastard as much, then he grew a bunch of fangs, like, total cracker actually if ye think about it.”

“Have none of you considered that a grown man dressed like a clown hiding in the sewers who wants to eat children might be something to take at least a little bit seriously?!?”

“Ach, seriously, fuck off James, go be a craic killer somewhere else!”

“Have ye considered James that maybe the clown is more afeared of us, than we are a him?”

“No, Orla, I hadn’t considered that, thank you.”

“Okay girls, I think we’re all missing the point here! You said that he grew fangs!??! Are you sure you weren’t just a wee bit blackout drunk?!”

“Well to be fair, I was boking all over myself, Erin, to be sure, yeah.”

___

“What’s this I hear about a man dressed like a clown in the sewers?”

“But da you don’t think our Erin is daft enough to play in the sewers do ye?”

“I’m sure it’s just an urban legend, Joe.”

“You watch your tone with me boy! I’ll not have some wee Southern shite tell me what’s real and what’s myth!”

“I tell ya it’s real! As real as my right hand, swear to God!”

“Erin! I don’t want you goin anywhere near no man approachin wains dressed like a clown!”

“But don’t you think the whole affair of dressing up as a clown like, is a wee bit… gay? Uh- I mean no offense son.”

“Still not gay!”