Welcome To My Personal Hell

I think that the Hamilton musical is objectively the funniest thing that could happen to that man's memory. Imagine dying of a gunshot wound infection in 1804 and learning from the afterlife that tweenage girls in 2017 are drawing thousands upon thousands of images of you making out with your fellow congressmen because someone wrote a 2-hour rap opera about you. I like to imagine that Hamilton found a monkey's paw and wished to leave a legacy, and this is what it did to him.

you don't control who lives who dies who tells your story

TIL In 1926 the famous pianist Fats Waller (then 21) was kidnapped by Al Capone’s gang to play piano for his birthday. He basically went missing for 3 days and was returned unharmed but drunk.

via reddit.com

What this headline leaves out is that they kidnapped him by doing the standard mob thing of driving a car up, pointing a gun at him, and saying “get in”. Fats thought he was gonna be killed until Al told him he was a huge fan

Unharmed, heavily intoxicated, and I believe something like $1,500 wealthier.

Nonono we don’t get to ignore what was just said prior. What the fuck DO YOU MEAN THE OPPOSITE OF YOUR MOTHER SELLING YOU TO ONE DIRECTION????!

so easily we forget the lore of our forefathers.

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now i’m thinking….maybe this is the good luck post

…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment

likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post

change my mind lads

Do you ever lie awake wondering how the heck Gimli knows what a nervous system is

Clearly dwarves have medical knowledge far more advanced than that of the other races.

His Majesty Dr. Gimli, son of Gloin, Neurosurgeon, M.D.

gimli trying to explain his studies to legolas, a flat-earther

#*scroll down* #*remember that middle earth is canonically flat for elves and round for everyone else* #*scroll back up & smash that reblog button"

tired: legolas took gimli to valinor with him because they were bffs/in love/etc. 

wired: legolas took gimli to valinor to prove the world was flat after arguing with him about it for decades

Sorry it’s what to elves

So, in Tolkein lore, the world was originally flat, with most of the land in the middle (hence Middle Earth).  But the Numenorians (men who were rewarded with their own Atlantis-equivalent island for service in the first big war against Melkor, but eventually Power Corrupts etc) tried to invade the uttermost west which was basically Elf Heaven.  To put an end to that sort of thing, the creator of the world Bent The World and made it a sphere…but left elves able to treat it like a flat disk.  So elves can sail west and reach Elf Heaven, but a man or dwarf or hobbit who sails west will eventually wrap around to the east coast of Middle Earth.

This is why Legolas can see for such great, almost impossible distances. The Earth does not curve for him.

Legolas said fuck the horizon

everyone in fantasy novels is horny on main for elves and it’s honestly a travesty like why the hell would you want to marry an elf you’ll just spend the rest of your days growing old in the woods with a bunch of immortal bastards whose heads are so far up their asses they think singing week-long ballads is prime entertainment and say shit like “thou” and “beseech” unironically y'all should be hooking up with dwarves who 1. actually know how to throw the fuck down and let loose at a party 2. will literally shower you in diamond dust and gold they mined and crafted with their bare hands and 3. can sling you over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes with their huge muscular arms developed from hours of said mining and crafting. there’s literally no contest.

^best addition

Trigger warning/heads up to anyone who doesn't know- JK Rowling recently posted a link on twitter to a blog post she made. It was meant to defend her stance on trans people I guess?

I read it (being naive and hoping it would be an apology) and can say from the bottom of my heart, if you are trans, PLEASE DO NOT READ IT. It's so hurtful and full of damaging misinformation and inflammatory language, basically JK digging her heels further into her transphobic opinions. I'm so worried about how people will read it and be triggered by it. Or worse- agree with it.

I'm only mentioning this because, with all the crazy things going on it the world, mental health is plummeting for a lot of people. And I care about anyone following me who'd be especially triggered by JK Rowling and her terrible behaviour.

Trans women are women.

imagine trying to apply this logic to any other scenario “no officer i dident steal this, because i murdered the owner first, wait why are you still arresting me”

I was thinking what if Hobbits adopted a human baby but they thought it was a hobbit baby and they were like he’s the fuckin tallest hobbit there ever was and no one tells him he’s human so he just thinks he’s a fuckin strong ass hobbit then I realized that’s the fuckin plot of the movie Elf you dumb fucking idiot

Why must you all mock me

proceeds to play animal crossing in bed for the next 3 days

In retrospect I'm real glad the Celebrities got "Imagine" out of their system over coronavirus

i love how bugs bunny is totally calm as long as everyone leaves him alone but as soon as someone bothers him he’s like “ok. now i have to kill him”

Bugs Bunny’s defining trait is that he never starts shit but ALWAYS finishes it

This is the exact opposite of hostile architecture. Bless.

(Friendly architecture? Neighbourly architecture? Benign architecture?)

I love the idea of my roof being an apartment complex for birds.

transhumanists be like go grandpa

Playstation 5

this is the locomotion i want my cyborg body to have instead of feet.

ACCOUNTABILITY REFORM NOW