I did find that! And Bilbo translated three parts into the Red Book of Westmarch, as I now know. Thank you for your answer!

And I agree. I think a large factor in the Silmarillion is that it’s been written in hindsight, and therefore many things were placed in a historical context. And even more importantly than that: I think the big mistake people usually make, especially in hindsight and while considering history as an overarching line, is to attribute actions to personality instead of circumstances. While circumstances are the much more important factor.

So what I found was that if I placed myself directly in the shoes of a certain character and considered, from their point of view, everything that they personally experienced - from childhood on - and the emotional impact those events would probably have, then suddenly, many many things start to make much more sense.

I do come from a social psychological point of view so that’s the natural thing for me to do. Maeglin is a really good example, I think you’re very right about that. Feanor’s sons are another, I would say. And the more I do think about it, the more I want to sit down and go through them and consider, for example, everything about Celegorm’s background, experiences and relationships, because already I’m pretty sure that his actions, even the most unfavorable ones (you know, Nargothrond, Lúthien, pressing for the attack on Doriath etc.) start making a whole lot more sense than just “well I suppose he’s simply a douche”.

Let’s be real, if he were just that, Huan wouldn’t have chosen to be loyal to him for so long. So there’s got to be more than that.

To be fair to the lore master: He only did have hindsight, and knowing the outcome of things really colors your perception of them, I think. It also opens up a whole new line of interesting questions if you consider that what we read is, in parts, to be treated as unreliable because it’s relying heavily on hearsay. It must, there are moments where it’s simply impossible for anyone else to have been present to witness them.

It’s fascinating to think about, so thank you for giving me the opportunity to go off on a rant like this, and feel free to do so again whenever you like! :D

“We’ve met before, you know.”

“Yeah, you made a great impression on my chin,” Bucky gestures vaguely, aimlessly towards his face, managing a small smile even though the pounding of his heart.

Natasha’s eyebrows rise subtly and her lips curl just a little, an echo of a wry little grin that has been ghosting around his memory during too many sleepless nights in an apartment in Romania. “Was it really your chin hurting afterwards?”

“Well. No.” An aborted half-shrug, his left shoulder still feeling too light, the absence of weight constantly putting him off-balance, still. He can feel his shoulders try to curl inward and forces himself to remain still in a weak attempt to not give everything away.. “Pretty sure you hit me in the head several times and kicked me in the groin.”

His memory is still hazy of those moments, like so many of them.

Bucky chances another look up into her face, into her eyes, the question that has been a constant companion for months now repeating itself in his mind. Does she remember?

‘We’ve met before, you know.’

He gets to watch that little thing of a smile widen into something more prominent.

God, she’s different now. Not so painfully young anymore, grown up, and beautifully so, her hair the same shade but in soft waves opposed to the wilder curls, her eyes older, calmer, surer of herself and of everything around her. Happier too. She grew up into everything he hoped for her.

Bucky’s not sure if even if she did remember, he’d even fit in anywhere in her life anymore. She has so much now - teammates, friends, people she obviously trusts. Hell, for all Bucky knows she could even be married now.

His gaze slides away from her, a tightness rising in his chest that’s hard to swallow down. He’s being ridiculous. She’s probably only here because -

Why is she here?

“I didn’t mean that though,” Bucky hears Natasha speak up again, still finding himself unable to look into her face again. Just like back then, at the very beginning, when she was so vibrant and bright in the twilight of his own existence that it almost hurt to look at her. “I didn’t mean the bridge in D.C. Didn’t mean Odessa either.

She’s shifting, and Bucky’s heart rate ticks up another notch when he realizes that she’s sitting down on the low coffee table right in front of him, and at the same time what her words mean.

Not Berlin. Not D.C. Not Odessa.

His head jerks up to look at her again after all, and it’s startling to have her closer suddenly, close enough that it would make him pull away from everyone else except for Steve. Natasha looks up at him with her fingers entwined underneath her chin, looking so calm and collected, but there’s something in her eyes he can’t quite interpret.

“Do you remember that?”

There’s a horrible, terrifying feeling of vulnerability fighting the hope that wants to rise in his chest, the ridiculousness that comes with the realization that she does remember. She does. They made him watch as they put her in the chair and wiped away everything they had, and somehow, at some point, some things must have broken through again, must have come back to her. There’s no other explanation.

And Bucky tells himself, his thoughts racing, that this has to be enough, he can’t expect - can’t hope - there's a ravine of so many years to bridge where she kept living, lived her life without him anywhere near it, probably for the longest time without even remembering, and -

“James.”

Her voice drags him back from that place he fell into for a few moments without even realizing and Bucky swallows and presses his lips together. But there’s so much warmth on her face, so much softness, so... so much.

And that’s what makes him take that jump, to push through that uncertainty and nervousness and fear and finally meet her eyes again.

“Yes. All of it.”

It takes a moment, but when a smile breaks over her face, it’s the first moment since waking up from cryo where Bucky thinks that maybe, somehow, things could actually be okay.

“Focus, Barnes. You’re gonna get us killed.”

“You wound me, sweetheart.” Bucky takes a shot that drops another alien body but doesn’t stay to watch it twitch once more before lying still. “My focus is impeccable.” There are more swarming around towards them, and yet a grin flickers over his lips when Natasha huffs.

“Save the pet names for later.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says and punches his left arm right through the spinal cord of one of those things. And Bucky takes a second to just watch his girlfriend as she spins around one of them, uses it as leverage to deliver a killing blow with her bites to its neck before whirling back around to deal with the first.

It still looks effortless, always, like grace and flowing water and the choreography of a dance.

He doesn’t think there’s anyone who can blame him. She’s a marvel when she fights, and that’s not just because he’s biased.

Which he is. And entirely unashamed to admit it.

(Because it’s finally not important - not dangerous - anymore if the whole goddamn world knows how much he adores her.)

Between the two of them, they have dealt with the last of their alien squadron only moments later, and Bucky kills the last one just in time to see Natasha watching him, the corners of her mouth curling subtly.

Amidst the chaos of battle, before they go to help out their teammates, Bucky catches himself smiling back.

‘Later’ is going to be good.

Oh gosh, thank you so much!! It’s honestly always such a pleasure to hear these things, and since I’m a person who does this too sometimes, just devour a story the way you described, it’s incredibly amazing to hear that this happens to other people with our stories too. :D

THANK YOU, again, you’ve made my day with your message!!

Alright, replying to messages on mobile always somehow fucks this up so here we go again.

THANK YOU so much dear! I had a great day, got my university certificate, my favorite coach took over my favorite football team, I had cake and pizza. Thank you so much for thinking of me, it’s so appreciated!