hi.

they have recently dug up 12 human skeletons in ben franklins basement and they have no explanation

Ben Franklin is the zodiac killer

Me on my deathbed: why did that man honk at me on January 4th 2015

a visual representation of how bad I want to go home at any given moment

me: i desire to finish a very nice and polished drawing. 

my hands:

character in a fight scene: *restrains their opponent by pinning them against the wall by their wrists*

me:

oh god no

hi its me tommy pickle

me on the first day of september

My fucking roomba woke me up at 5 am to tell me she’s stuck near a cliff.

The base of the fan counts as a cliff now, i see.

He was very scared

save him

we need to talk about shrek more

i feel so dumb when i get done watching a movie and am like “hm ! i had lots of fun watching that ! i liked it!!” and then curiously check the ratings of the movie i just watched and the reviews are all like “abomination of a movie. horrible mess. worst thing i have EVER seen. spits on the face of ALL cinema.”

every time

milennial culture is sending a horrible post to your friend who is sitting 10 feet away from you in the same room, and waiting 2 seconds before hearing a dismayed “….no!”

Anyone: *stands behind me while I’m on my phone*

Me:

*Aang voice*

Appa, yeet yeet