to fuck around is human; to find out is divine

Tough grizzled guy at the biker bar: "How I got these scars? Heh... that's a long story, kid" (scene fades into a montage of mundane household accidents: touching a hot pan, running into a door, slipping in the shower, cutting a bagel wrong, etc.)

[ID: A headline reads "Are You a 'Floor Person'? Why Lying on the Ground Feels So Good". End ID]

I work in gaming and do this all the time. I learnt long ago that no matter what games I name, when a guy demands I name what I'm playing, that they will shit on them.

So now I just make shit up when they try to "catch me out" and listen as they list how wrong I am and all the things wrong with something that doesn't even exist. It's a wonderful hobby and I heartily recommend it.

That feeling when your body is requesting something but you're not sure what so you just start eating and drinking random stuff to try and figure it out

Me, eating a chocolate waffle at 7pm: Is this what you desire, oh prison of flesh?

the world is a better place with trans women in it

wdym an average platonic bond cant be deep and meaningful do none of you remember the power of friendship

i have trust in the people.

I don't trust anyone who hasn't acknowledged their capacity for evil.

"I'm just a smol bean uwu" No sir, what you are is someone who is so habituated to thinking of yourself as innocent that you will continue to do so even when you're guilty.

To quote Chris Fleming

"You know that thing where the most toxic person you've ever met over-relates to woodland creatures on social media? I call it Vibe Dysphoria. She'll put up a picture of a mouse in a jean jacket with 'It's me.' That is not you. I don't know how you got under the impression that you are a mouse in a jean jacket. You are an eel with a gun.She posts a toad with a basket of mushrooms like 'Me doing my little things.' Oh madam, there is nothing little about your things. You gave me psychosexual issues I'll carry to my watery grave. You are not a toad in the forest...You are a cruel woman who just happens to be small."--Chris Fleming

fucking love when I'm on a call with someone and they start to do a little errand or go somewhere else and they say "and you're coming with me" like. absolutely I am let's go on an adventure I've been spirited away

i say this every year but tumblr didn’t start doing april fools’ gimmicks until 2014. one year previous, April 1st, 2013, was a certain Incident that i am CONVINCED caused @staff to think “we have to make an april fools’ theme ourselves, because if left to their own devices, they’ll do… That”

idk if Tumblr will keep the boops going after today, but through the power of discord emoji, you can boop your friends in a server. or idk, paste them in someone's askbox.

I made a calico one out of these if anyone wants it

saw someone complaining about getting too many boops and blocking people. the opt out button is right there.

feel free to max out your boops on my blog. hit that button 1k times idc. you earn those paw badges