Natasha Romanoff: I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.
Nick Fury: I know this, and I love you.
Bucky: Do you really want to know how I got injured? Tony: Yes. Bucky: I was hula hooping. Steve and I attended a class for fitness and fun. Tony: Oh my god. Bucky: I’ve mastered all the moves: the pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle. Tony: Why are you telling me this? Bucky: Because no one will ever believe you. Tony: You sick son of a bitch!
Steve: Honey? Bucky: What? Steve: Where’s my uniform? Bucky: What? Steve: Where - is - my - uniform? Bucky: I, uh, put it away. Steve: *Where*? Bucky: *Why* do you *need* to know? Steve: I need it! [Steve rummages through another room in their house] Bucky: Uh-uh! Don’t you think about running off doing no daring-do. We’ve been planning this dinner for 72 years! Steve: The public is in danger! Bucky: My evening’s in danger! Steve: You tell me where my uniform is, Bucky! We are talking about the greater good! Bucky: ‘Greater good?’ I am your husband! I’m the greatest *good* you are ever gonna get!
Natasha: [about Laura] Ask anyone, we’re close.
Clint: Natasha and my wife sometimes have sleepovers. In my bed. With me in it.
Grant Ward: What am I gonna tell her?
John Garret: Well if you learned anything from today, it won't be the truth!
Clint Barton: Since I started working at SHIELD, I've been shot, stabbed, set on fire, poisoned, shot, partially chewed, shot, and declared legally dead! Twice on the same day!
Natasha Romanoff: You said "shot" like three times.
Clint Barton: That's just by you!
Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, “Would an idiot do that?” And if they would, I do not do that thing.
Clint Barton
Listen up, fives, a ten is speaking.
Tony Stark
Skye: Was there ever a moment, when you had the genius idea of joining HYDRA, that you thought, "Hey, ya know, this might backfire."?... No. That never occurs to you, 'cause you're a jerk, and you never learn from your mistakes, and that's why everyone left at SHIELD thinks you're an asshole.
Ward: That's not true! People at SHIELD like me! You're just being a dick because we're going through a tough time right now.
Skye: I'm being a dick?
Ward: Yes!
Skye: You shot Victoria Hand, kidnapped me, and threw FitzSimmons into the ocean, and *I'm being a dick?*
Wars: There's no talking to you!
Darcy Lewis: We'll... interface with SHIELD on this weird anomaly.
Jane Foster: No, no. God no. We don't need those idiots fucking everything up. Burn everything. Get rid of it.
Peggy: You were flying today, buddy.
Steve: Yes, I was flying. But a little too close to the sun.
Bucky: You let him go in the sun!?
Loki: You know, I was god once.
Frigga: Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.
You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Steve. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon… with nail polish.
Natasha Romanoff
Clint: Peel this apple for me, please.
Kate: No! No, I’m not gonna peel an apple for you.
Clint: But Natasha always does it for me.
Kate: Why does Natasha peel your apples for you?
Clint: She doesn’t like for me to eat the apples with the skin on it, she says the skin’s loaded with toxins.
Kate: OK, well, good news - Natasha's not here.
Clint: I know she’s not here and that’s why I need you to do it for me. PLEASE, PLEASE.
Kate: Oh Jesus, just eat it with the skin on it.
Clint: I do not LIKE IT with the skin, Kate. I'm not ALLOWED to eat it with the skin, I'm not ALLOWED!
Kate: OH MY GOD, all right. If you just shut up, I will peel the apple for you the way Natasha likes you to eat it! Give it to me, give it to me! I’ll do it the way Natasha insists.
Darcy: You said that if you were going to do same-sex experimentation, it would be with me.
Jane: I never said that to you.
Darcy: It was implied.
Jane: By you!
Okay, just because you are making me very sexually confused does not mean that you are intimidating.
Kate Bishop, to America Chavez
Pietro: No, Wanda, everything is running smoothly. Billy, tell Wanda everything is fine.
Billy: Hey, soul mom. We haven’t eaten for days, your plants are dying, and I’m dropping out of school. Love ya, bye.