Important please read

Most beloved followers of mine....

I want to clear out my drafts. This is a common enough occurrence on social media, right? Right. Except I have had this account for nearly a decade. This means I have 5,473 drafts. I want to have them on my blog, and tag them so that I can access them instead of scrolling for 10 years to find something I saved for myself. The first tag on all of these post is going to be #FromTheDrafts so block it to avoid the utter bullshit that will happening. There will also be stuff from fandoms I'm not in anymore, stuff that I don't approve of/ associate with. Hopefully some of that *cough sm*t that somehow made it past the bans cough* will go onto a side blog, but I still need to get it out in the open and then reblog it there.

tl:dr block #FromTheDrafts or be faced with everything I've ever been interested in and get spammed to hell and back

That also means I will be bringing up shit from years ago and so people may be getting weird notifs from me. My apologies in advance.

I will also try to fix any broken posts, or provide links to stuff that doesn't load properly.

They say you die three times, first when the body dies, second, when your body enters the grave, and third, when your name is spoken for the last time. You were a normal person in life, but hundreds of years later, you still haven’t had your “third” death. You decide to find out why.

You sold some shitty copper, man, I don’t know what to tell you

I'm a cryptid in Stardew valley. I live on the outskirts of town. I disappear for days on end, purchasing daily one-way tickets to the calico desert. Nobody knows where I go while I'm there. Can occasionally be found fishing at random spots throughout town. I am never not running on at least one triple shot espresso. I take the abandoned minecarts to get around and am frequently seen disappearing into the sewers. I carry a sword for some reason. Once every week or two I will stride into your bedroom to deliver you your favorite meal. I'm a self-made millionaire. I attend all the town events and will go to your concert in the next town over. I have donated approximately 2583 items to the local museum and singlehandedly revitalized the town community center. There are rumors I can talk to junimos. I'm friends with the local wizard

tiktok is such an awful app, it's almost designed to feed you misinformation and expose you to insane discourse. unlike beloved tumblr, the app that feeds me misinformation and exposes me to insane discourse

No, no, no, you see on tiktok an algorithm feeds you misinformation. On Tumblr I feed myself misinformation from my charcuterie board of hand-selected unhinged mutuals.

None of that mass market junk. Only artisanal, small batch, sustainably cultivated, fair trade horseshit.

noooooo i don't have a praise kink haha..... it's just a coincidence that my pupils turn into little pink hearts when you tell me i've done a good job 🥴🥴🥴

You have been brought before the ORC BOYAR.

The ORC BOYAR seeks entertainment; perhaps this will be your chance to impress the ORC BOYAR?

Perform a dance for the ORC BOYAR by selecting two DESCRIPTORS of the ORC BOYAR's liking.

You perform a BONE MUSHROOM dance.

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform a CHEESE SPIKE dance.

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform a FAST BROTH dance.

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform a HOT CRUMB dance.

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform the DESSERT STONE

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform a LAKE MUD dance.

You feel TIRED.

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform a ROYAL PIG dance.

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform a CAVE TROUT dance.

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform a ANVIL BREAD dance.

Your POINTED JINGLE SHOES begins to show wear from use! Bring the item the TOWN SMITH to repair it.

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform a DOG MOSS dance.

The ORC BOYAR seemed slightly interested.

You perform form a DOG DOG dance.

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform a MOSS MOSS dance.

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform a MOSS DOG dance.

The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.

You perform a DOG MOSS dance.

The ORC BOYAR was sent into a rage.

ORC BOYAR: I have already seen DOG MOSS dance. Away with you!

A FERAL HOG appears to your LEFT.

A FERAL HOG appears to your RIGHT.

A FERAL HOG appears to your FRONT.

The FERAL HOG attacks you!

The FERAL HOG attacks you!

The FERAL HOG attacks you!

You have DIED. The world has been thrown into chaos.

Tip: The ORC BOYAR was once heard to have inscribed his favorite dance on a HIDDEN STONE in the DARK DWELLING.

waves of disrespect

The two types of transmascs:

This is how you do a meme. I don’t want to tell anyone my name or my bra size or my date of birth on the internet. Why can’t we make memes using useless and non-personal data points?

I am SKRUNKLY MEOWMEOW

continuing to follow a beloved mutual but tag blocking all the fandoms they post about. baby i LOVE you but there is a demonic force that controls your interests.

marcille is NOT an animal crossing cozy gamer girl she is a fucking spreadsheet warrior. maybe she plays stardew valley but she runs that farm like the navy

tired: marcille plays animal crossing and nothing else

wired: senshi plays animal crossing and nothing else

Callsigns are ALL like this. I know in movies everyone's got cool callsigns, but you have to EARN a cool callsign. Most people's are like, commemoration of something real stupid they did, or, like, "Carrots" bc "he ate carrots weirdly." This database is a treasure trove:

Also unironically if you are nb and have an "object" name you can 100% get old republicans to use it by just claiming it's for something dumb. "Yeah man I go by Brick because I dropped a bunch of bricks once and messed up a timeline on a job" will get everyone you will ever meet to call you that.

me every day without fail: I'll do [chore] when I get home

me when I get home:

cloudtail is the original tubbs

It is imperative that you assemble a collection of tumblr mutuals who are vocal about their deeply specific, highly involved kinks that you don’t share at all. If you humble yourself with the diversity of the human experience enough you can become inoculated against reactionary puritanism permanently

Happy Leland Melvin Day!!!

Happy Leland Melvin Day!

Happy Leland Melvin Day!

Happy Leland Melvin Day!!!

Happy Leland Melvin Day!