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Rum and coke

@crackerjackeyeliner / crackerjackeyeliner.tumblr.com

Julia. 26 and gay. Find me on FFXIV. World: Ultros, Toon: Be' Yonce
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motionalocean
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claryfairhild

i’m so done with the way girls in twenties are treated. i’m so done with people who literally create timetable for us. 20- 24  find a guy, 24-26 make him propose to you, 27-29 get married. i’m so done. i’m do not want to get 2 a.m texts from my best friend who is freaking out that she is gonna die alone. i do not want see my 20 years old friend wasting her time on some guys who are not even interested in her. i do not want see us falling for every nice guy who does not look creepy. i do not want to see girls get sad or paranoid just bcos they do not fill in the schedule. you are ok. you should enjoy your life at its fullest and one day you will find 10/10 so do not pursue 6 just because you do not want to be single. it is ok and one day you will find someone. do not split your love with people who does not deserve it. keep it for yourself and when time will come you will know. i know it hurts. i know you wish u could just open part of yourself and release the buzzing love. but not every kind of love is romantic. show it to your family, friends, plants, yourself.

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kaerya

Not a real criticism, just an expansion really, but …  it’s not just the timetables we need to get away from, but the goal itself, I think.  “One day you will find someone,” sounds comforting, but the reason it doesn’t lay fears to rest is because we are all smart enough to know it’s not necessarily true.

My aunt is over sixty, never married, and never, so far as I am aware, ever even had a great romance.  She dated a lot, but never clicked and now seems to have given up.  My mentor is over seventy, divorced her asshole husband more than half her life ago and has never found anyone since.

We all know women (and men) like these.  And because we know them, we know that “one day you will find someone,” is just … hogwash.  Because sometimes you just … don’t.  Or sometimes you do, but he turns out to be a cad.  Or you do and the universe rips you apart in the most unfair way possible.  And because society has us so fixated on finding “our other half” or whatever, we view these women as cautionary tales.

But … 

My aunt trains dogs.  Her schipperke is the national champion for his breed.  She spent so much of her life as a librarian, nurturing the love of books in kids, myself among them.  I ride horses because of her, and it’s one of the very few things I do that makes my soul feel at peace.

My mentor is one of the best criminal defense attorneys in her state.  She has devoted her life to fighting to ensure that everyone gets a vigorous defense.  Because of her countless people have had the opportunity to turn their lives around.  Because of her, they’ve had a life to turn around.  Because of her, the prosecution and the police in her jurisdiction are forced to behave ethically and adhere to the rule of law.  She’s still, even now fighting to abolish the death penalty.  It’s because of her that I am pursuing the life I am.

These women’s lives are not nothing.  In fact they are a whole lot of something, and it makes my heart hurt that I ever, in my dark 3 am’s, thought of their lives as something to be avoided at all costs.

So love your family, your friends, your pets, your gardens.  Love your job or your hobby or your raison d’ etre, whatever it is.  Love sunsets and the smell of rain and yourself, and don’t love these as something to do as a placeholder until the buzzing, romantic love comes, but love these as things worth loving all in themselves.

It’s fucking hard some days.  The dark 3 am’s still come sometimes.  But most days, I am so much more at peace knowing that I am not incomplete or waiting, but that my life, if it ended today, is worth it because of the platonic, familial, friendship love I have shared.  And if the other kind does come someday, that’ll be nice, but it won’t make any of the others less.  It’ll just be caramel sauce on a sundae–tasty and wonderful, but the sundae was perfect without it too.

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sarahviehmann

I needed this today.

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thebootydiaries

When boys show their emotions and not act closed off for no damn reason 😩😚😛😍😍😍👀😏😏💯💯🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽😚😍💯💯❤️❤️❤️❤️👄👅💦 need me a freak like that 😚😚😏😏😍😍💯💯💯🙌🏽🍆💦👅

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tipchune
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inkskinned

i think “i wish platonic dates with friends were a thing” is another way of saying “i want a deep emotional intimacy.” it’s a new age. shallow friends are easy to find and hard to let go. the two of you can sit for coffee, talking about nothing, secretly texting under the table that you want to leave. she begs you to come to the party but abandons you once you’re through the door. he won’t talk to you outside of class, won’t even look at you even though two weeks ago you kissed. 

it’s the age of the internet and our empathy is evolving. yes, isn’t long-distance now so easy. there’s a lot we have to be thankful for.

but there’s a lot that’s changing. there’s no words for the emotion you feel when someone is taking a picture with you that you know is only happening because they want to look fun and popular and you’re a prop; there’s no word for when you know it’s because you’re uglier than them and it makes them look good - there’s no word for watching people socialize for social media credit. we know it happens. not just “hang on let me take a picture of my food.” not just “i’ve got to text my mom back, one sec.” i mean that strange distance between two people who comment on each other’s posts but cannot connect in person. i mean you pour out your soul on twitter but then clam up in person. i mean internet loneliness; the sensation of 212 thousand followers and still so empty, knowing if the plane goes down, the ocean of the internet will wash out your memory. 

“i want a friend date,” she says, and he snorts - you mean friends?

it’s hard, sometimes. finding a best friend. when i was little i had an assignment about it. i remember crying in the hallway because i didn’t have one. everyone else in class did. i wrote about my shadow. i didn’t fit in. over the years i’ve had a couple. one turned out pure evil. a few were my best friend but i wasn’t theirs, in the end. a lot just drifted from me until we were only friends by nostalgia, not connection. but i ached for the feeling of a best friend the whole time: the person you can be silent with, the person you can be wild with, the person you can be 100% yourself with.

we live in a society where romance is said to be the only space you’re allowed to really be close with someone. how many of us have said to make sure you marry your best friend. we know from dating that there exists a kind of connection we don’t always get in our friends - even a platonic one, a connection of spirit, a freedom of behavior. 

i get it. a platonic date sounds wonderful. it’s not hurting anybody. let’s both have three seconds where we’re honest with each other in a raw kind of way. it’s terrifying. or we could just talk about what’s bothering you. i’m also still fucked up about the avatar: the last airbender ending; i also don’t get katara and aang. 

it’s about trust. about vulnerability. so yeah. maybe i’ve done all kinds of platonic-date things. but i’ve also had the opposite happen: the non-friend. someone you don’t want to cut out, not necessarily - but not someone you can tell your secrets to in the end. i think what we’re all asking for is to be less lonely. we want to get close to people, but we don’t want to seem like we’re hitting on somebody. 

come on out with me. we’ll both dress up and drink wine and split the bill and talk about deep things. be best friends for a moment. lord knows i need one. what i’m asking is for a quick moment of emotional intimacy. of reality. of not-just-here-for-the-party. i think a date sounds lovely.

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plannedparenthood

How do I help my kids build self-esteem and a healthy relationship with their body?

Our relationship with our body has a huge impact on our overall health and happiness. Building a positive body image can be a challenge, especially in this culture. The second we’re born, we start absorbing messages about our bodies, gender, and sexuality from the world around us.

If you’ve got younger kids, siblings, cousins, or anyone in your life who you want to have a healthy and happy self image, here are some ways you can help them build a positive relationship with their body:

  • Look for teachable moments when you can talk about how all bodies are unique, that everybody is beautiful in their own way, and that it’s important to be respectful of people who are different than them. Teachable moments include things you see on social media, in ads, on TV, in movies, in music, etc. 
  • Set a good example and try not to make negative comments about your own body in front of them, and don’t allow negative body talk from others, either.
  • It’s cool to compliment how they look, but don’t let that be the only thing you praise them for. Try to focus compliments on their abilities, achievements, healthy behaviors, and kindness towards others, instead of their appearance.
  • Don’t compare their looks to anyone else’s — even if you’re saying your kid looks better. That may encourage them to compare themselves to other people and could send the message that self worth depends on appearance.
  • When you talk about diet or exercise, focus on your health and positive things your body can do instead of looking good.
  • Have conversations about how the media impacts our ideas of beauty. Remind them that the way people look in movies, on TV, and on social media is usually different than in real life. Images in the media are heavily edited and carefully chosen to show a certain image that’s not usually realistic.
  • Expose them to people from a wide range of identities, so their concepts of “normal” and “beautiful” will be more reflective of the diverse world we live in.
  • How kids feel about their race or ethnicity can be an important influence on their self-esteem. Encourage them to be proud of their heritage, and look for opportunities to celebrate their communities, cultural traditions, and family history with them. 
  • If they’re trans or gender nonconforming, respecting their identity is important for their mental health and self esteem. Show them you love and support them by respecting their clothing and style choices, and using the name and gender pronouns they want you to.

Building a healthy relationship with your body is a lifelong journey, and you can have a huge impact on the self-esteem and body image of the young people in your life. Get more tips on talking with your kid about bodies, sex, relationships, safety, and more.

-Kendall at Planned Parenthood

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tipchune
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straightboyfriend

hardest thing to learn during recovery is….. some of your misery is your own fault. you have to actively choose to stop wallowing in your own pain & start to recover. that means stop being self deprecating, start taking care of yourself, start eating healthy, start taking your hygiene seriously, even if it’s hard. & it is hard! but you must.

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