an incomplete collection of tweets i consider to be short poems

i have some too

The butch lesbian/trans man "funky printed button down" stereotype is true but you must understand that the men's section of so many clothing stores is a bleak and miserable place. Clothing manufacturers are simply convinced that no one who wears men's clothes wants anything besides the most boring outfits possible. Often stripes are the most exciting it gets. If you want to wear clothing designed for men but happen to like "color" and "joy" in your life then often the funky printed button down or the hawaiian shirt are simply your only options, especially off the clearance rack.

Also if the above is you, I highly recommend @morningwitchy and @carmico 🙏🩵🩵

not to be a Brand and plug myself here but since i was tagged: i, nonbinary, make funky button downs in fun patterns that many have described as gender affirming/euphoric :^) they come in unisex sizing xs-4XL, 100% cotton, with button on the hips for extra room! also, i have tees/pants/jackets to match.

i wanna add @mayakern is doing button ups now and has preorders going on! and @irrel has some fun dnd themed button ups!

aww thank you! glad to be in good company, i adore all the artists tagged :’)

i’ve only just started my first foray into button up territory, but i have preorders open until march 31st! sizes XS-6X, polyester spandex blend, with extra hidden closures in the bust region to prevent gaping

little rat thing

got summoned for yuri duty

Non-autistics living with autistics:

They keep eating the same freaking food and it frustrates me so much! We can't have the "big scary light" on just lamps everywhere! Even when I try to find peace by doing stuff with them they just ignore me and do whatever they want. They can't even do the simplest of things like go with me to the grocery store every week! How do people expect them to survive in society??

Autistics living together:

So as long as we get my 10 packets of this really specific food, and some snacks, I'll be okay. Also is it cool if you go to the grocery store? I can clean the bathroom since thats bad sensory for you and the store is bad sensory for me. Can you turn on the lamp instead of the big light? It gives me a headache. Thanks man. Yea I'll unplug the TV for you since you can hear the high pitched noise. Do you want to do two separate things in the same room as bonding again this evening? Thats my favorite part of the day too.

I think its funny how much the replies are about The Big Light and how we autistics feel about it

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's adhd and lesbianism

23 sapphic books in 2023

Here’s a list of 2023 book releases with f/f pairings that you can add to your TBR and you can preorder now to support the authors!  

Science Fiction / Fantasy books:

Contemporary romance books: 

May 2023 bring you even more sapphicness and books! 🎆🎇

yes all my favorite characters are desperate to be loved. no i don’t think that says anything about me

my dog got surgery yesterday. he had stepped on a stick wrong and pulled his dew claw off. in the vet's office, he tried to crawl into my lap. i felt like crying. you got hurt and i know it's scary but you'll feel better after this, okay? i kept apologizing to him. i have to leave. i'll be back when you wake up.

sometimes i wonder if i am doing enough. i barely calculate as functional. i am exhausted by the bare minimum.

but after the appointment, even while he was still working off the last of the anesthesia, he asked to crawl in my lap again. all 70 pounds of him. wobbling, uncertain, he dragged himself towards me. he doesn't ask for much - just that i am near him, quietly loving.

i think today it will be enough that i can comfort my dog with his little hurt paw. that i can bring him peace. i think today it will be enough to have him sleep awkwardly on top of me. i think today the difference i make will just be that sometimes, when i'm very lucky, i help others just by being-there.

I finally made a Butterfly Soup 2 trailer! Once again featuring the best filmmakers in the business

(also, in case you missed it, Butterfly Soup 2 is out now and free!!)

Few of my fave creator gap moe

Reverse is appealing as well

Let service industry workers say “fuck” please

I used to work at a sandwich place that also did lattes n stuff. We’d get nasty customers every once in a while, and when we did, we got to unleash Neal. Let me explain...no, it is too much, let me sum up:

The manager moved from the deep south to get this job, he’d been looking for a job in the PNW, and he somehow talked the owners into letting his platonic life mate, Neal, be the Assist Manager. So he, his wife, and his BFF forever come and take over this shop but the owners must not have actually...spoken...to Neal. He was INSANE. I mean, I never had trouble with him, but he frightened the new girls with his crazy eyes, liked knives way too much and looked like one of those tiny white guys who was spoiling for a fight and couldn’t back it up...except he could. 500 pounds of crazy in a 120 pound bag, you might say. But he was perfect, PERFECT for jerk customers who bullied new girls. Here’s an example:

So one day, I’m schlepping sandwiches, and I see the new coffee girl just...get yelled at by this big dude, who seemed way too comfortable yelling at strangers in front of other strangers in a line behind him, and maybe, if this had been somewhere else, he would have gotten away with it, because I have noticed strangers let randos yell at hapless teen college student girls who are tiny and just trying to get a buck man wow that is a whole ass THING anyway I stepped away from my sandwich, went into the back where Neal was slicing vegetables happily with a knife and tapped him in for an intervention.

My man Neal steps out from the back with knife in hand, bless. Steps up to the front and watching the chain reaction of coworkers hiding smiles, customers get big eyes, the new girl being alarmed and confused, and the big dude yelling just...not knowing what was about to happen was this...free show I just ate up om nom nom.

He does the managerial, what seems to be the problem (knife in hand), guy yells, wants his money back. Neal is all, so sorry, sure you can have money back (knife in hand slowly moving), guy yells, new girl steps back, unsure. Neal is all, but you can’t yell, sir, this a place of business, can’t we be reasonable (knife finally rest on counter, now Neal goes for his apron strings uh oh), and all the workers know this means Neal is about to be able to claim he was on break when he punched this guy.

Snacks are coming out. Tea is being drunk. Sandwiches are not being made. The whole place is bated breath on the free show. This is prime popcorn.gif territory irl.

Neal asks the dude to step outside, and the dude goes out! Big plate glass windows, everyone can see but not hear as the beast is unleashed. Neal is up in his grill, not touching, waiting just waiting for the yelling big dude to make the first point of contact. And folks, I am here to tell you that dumbass pushed Neal first and wow have you ever seen a hunting terrier just go for the ankles and take a beast down? It was like that. This guys chickened out so fast from the force of the maniac Assist Mngr ‘on his break’ and it was a beautiful thing to watch. Dude never came back, and the new girl was way more comfortable after that.

So hey. If you ever talk your way into running a shop where you know assholes are going to be mean to your workers, make sure to bring your feral best friend with the crazy eyes who likes knives way too much to defend them.

they should invent someone who wants to kiss me so so bad

"But you're so successful without it."

Content warning: This post contains mentions of suicidal ideation.

I got a message earlier tonight that I'm not going to post, but I did ask the person involved if I could talk about what we subsequently ended up talking about in DMs because I feel it's important.

Basically, it was along the lines of "My kid got diagnosed with ADHD and really wants to try meds. I know from reading your blog that correct treatment for ADHD can be really beneficial, but I just don't think she's severe enough to need them."

The message then went on to ask me, as someone who is unmedicated with ADHD, for some tricks and tips on how to be successful without medication because clearly, look how well I'm doing without them. I mean, look at my blog, look at my book(s)! Surely if I can do all that without ADHD meds, other people can too. Surely there's a trick. A skill. Something you can learn if you just try hard enough...

This is not the first time I have received a message like this. In fact, I probably get about 2-5 messages like this a week.

Usually from other people who also have ADHD/suspect ADHD but don't want medication because they don't think they need it/don't want to need it, and yet can't figure out why they're struggling so much, and ask me how do I do the thing(s) and cope so well and get so much done, etc., etc.

So I'm going to tell you what I told this person tonight in case it helps someone. Yes, I have ADHD. No, I am not medicated due to severe health complications, and yes, I get a lot done. From the outside, I am sure it looks incredibly productive and successful. But I'm going to let you in on what that success feels like.

It feels like dying.

It feels like my brain is on fire; every nerve in my body scraped raw; every part of me wired and exposed to the noise of the world. There is no quiet; there is no calm. And even when my brain does fall silent, it's another kind of death. The inside of my head is sludge, flowing uphill like treacle, weighing me down, pulling me under in the riptide of my inability to focus. I can see what needs to be done, I can see it so clearly, yet sometimes it's like I don't control my own body. Not enough dopamine. Not enough brain chemicals for the message I'm screaming in my head to make my limbs do the simplest of tasks. Like, feed myself. Take a shower. Answer that email. Text my friends back. Go to bed when I'm tired. Write a best-selling novel...

A novel that almost killed me and not because of my other ailments, but because of my unmedicated ADHD.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was already operating at critical mass when I went into final rewrites/edits. Every coping mechanism I had fell apart. Like training wheels falling off a tricycle, leaving me to wobble unsteadily until the main wheels fell off, swiftly followed by the handlebars until all that was left was me peddling frantically trying to keep my balance and not getting anywhere. I didn't realize it then, but I was heading towards a complete mental collapse. And even when I dragged myself across the finish line with the above and beyond help provided by my friends and editors, I was so burned out I couldn't enjoy my success. Worse, my success made me suicidal.

It took me until very recently, almost two years later, to be able to read Phangs without feeling suicidal. My brain associated it with the trauma of experiencing complete ADHD burnout but having to complete a monumental task anyway.

I had to go into intensive therapy to recover. I am still in intensive therapy for it.

It took me even longer after that to be able to sit down and write without harming myself. I still struggle with it, and I tell you this in all honest sincerity in the hope it makes you realize what it costs me to be "successful" and unmedicated.

And this wasn't the first time I've had to deal with this, either.

I struggled all through high school, all through college, all through every career job I ever had, knowing there was something wrong, but not quite being able to put my finger on it because hey, I still got stuff done, so it couldn't be that bad, right? Surely everyone went through life feeling this way? Right?

...right?

It wasn't until I got my ADHD diagnosis as an adult that I realized what was happening. Why I struggled so much. Why life was so hard. In many ways, it was like the sun coming up. An internal dawning of realization and acceptance, but also rage.

So much rage.

Rage at how much I'd had to struggle because no one noticed because I was quiet and undisruptive. Rage at a system that forced me to learn in ways that were not intuitive to my brain. To always being told, "doesn't apply herself" while it felt like I was clawing my brain apart trying to do what people wanted from me. To a work-life balance, that rewards all the things that make ADHD actively worse. Rage. So much rage it hurts. And to top it all off, I can't be medicated for it. I finally know what's different, I finally know why my world feels raw and turned inside out, and I can't take any of the medications that might help me.

Do you know how angry I wake up every day that there is a possible solution just within my grasp, but my health conditions prevent me from trying them? Do you know how much it hurts? How much I grieve for the person I could be if I was able to have help beyond therapy and coaching? How much happier I could be...

Not productive. Not successful. Happy.

So ask yourself, what do you want more? A child who has to go through all of this and resents you for prolonging their suffering? Who winds up hating themselves by internalizing the false concept that if they just try hard enough, they can do whatever they set their mind to.

Or do you want to help them?

Or if this is you, why are you afraid to help yourself?

Please, don't use me as an example to harm yourself or others. Yes, I am successful without medication. But the toll is high. Too high.

Rid yourself of the idea that you need to suffer more to be allowed help. You don't. They don't. No one does.

Apologies for putting this back on your dashes, but it has been zero (0) months without a concerned ADHD parent messaging me to ask how I do what I do without medication.

As though I'll disclose some secret wisdom that their kid's psychologist is withholding from them. Sorry, I'm not here to validate your toxic anti-med beliefs.

i feel like when a lot of people try to do adhd positivity and talk about the adhd traits they’re glad to have it’s always stuff like i’m creative! i work well under pressure! i’m passionate about my interests! fuck all that i’m proudest of my body’s fucked up response to caffeine. i watch neurotypical people go wahhh i can’t drink so much as a diet coke after 4pm or i will never sleep again and i go fucka you basard. watch this. and pound back an americano at 10pm and fall asleep instantly. the only exception to this for me is energy drinks because the caffeine is so concentrated that it just goes straight to my brain and cures all my symptoms. the poor man’s adderall