Mamoru Shimokochi, 1981
Lanchinho da tarde
A lot clicked for me when my mom said the reason she was so reactive towards me as a kid was that she assumed intent behind things I did, rather than recognizing my behaviors for being normal kid behaviors or normal autism behaviors. So I got treated as if I was an adult who was intentionally doing things to upset her. She'd react to me like I had the maturity and wherewithal to do things in a cruel or manipulative way, making her life harder, when I was just existing. Just trying to learn how to cope and be a person myself. When she told me this I stopped in my tracks trying to process. Why would anyone's default assumption be that a kid is trying to antagonize them instead of like, struggling with something they're experiencing? But she was also raised the exact same way, treated like everything she did carried the weight of adult responsibility, not seen as a kid.
As a child therapist who focuses on audhd kids THIS!! So often parents put intent behind kids actions when it’s just “kid trying to feel safe and comfortable”. babies are not trying to “manipulate “ you, kids and teens are just pushing back to figure out the boundaries of their world, if a kid doesn’t like something don’t force it on them. Stop expecting better emotional regulation from your child than you’ve ever shown them.
Stop expecting better emotional regulation from your child than you've ever shown them.
why does thw last image keep getting more nonsensical. every once in a while ill see a new version of this and its something that makes less sense
its like you dont even want to sell your life to a corporation
cant believe they gave this woman enough money to ruin the environment for singing vapid shit of this caliber for over a decade. have some shame man. get a grip. what the hell are any of you even doing
whotever… im donot have to listen to anybody
Source: Out In America; A Portrait Of Gay and Lesbian Life , by Michael Goff and the staff of OUT magazine
namjoon waiting for you at the bar ♡
he is literally leaving
ROUND 1: ELAINE (seinfeld) VS BEOWULF (beowulf)
the poll is missing.
listen,
I'm listening
do you hear it?
the classic trope of "what if you went to a town and it was weird" never fails
i’m going to ikea for the first time with my bf this weekend and i know you love ikea so what should i look out for?
(also i’m sorry you’re sick! refuah shleima)
ok first of all thank you!!! i love this ask
my basic IKEA recommendations:
- join IKEA Family ahead of time. it’s free, you’ll get a 5% discount and a free coffee/tea
- get lunch or dinner there for the experience but keep your expectations low. would recommend avoiding fish
- the structure of the store will take you through a series of showrooms displaying different products in simulated rooms before taking you down to the “marketplace” (assorted home goods) and then spitting you out in the warehouse where you pick up the boxes containing the furniture. as you go through the showrooms, take pictures on your phone of the labels attached to anything you want, including the name and the aisle location of that product in the warehouse
- IKEA has a discount “As Is” section, usually down by the warehouse. i’ve gotten some amazing deals in there and it’s worth checking out
- IKEA also has put some of its As Is section online, so you can reserve products ahead of time and pick them up when you get there. definitely recommend using this feature
it’s hard to make recommendations per se bc i don’t know your tastes in particular, so i’m going to drop some products i happen to particularly love on you 😅 for the most part i do prefer wood/bamboo IKEA products bc they hold up better than the products that are made of like. particleboard and paper lol
you happen to be going to IKEA at a great time bc they’re having a big sale on dressers and other storage items. if that’s the kind of thing you want you have some fantastic options! right now the solid wood products are about the same price as the particleboard and paper products so that’s pretty cool
the standout to me would be the TARVA line. they’re made of pine. the five drawer dresser here is usually $250, it’s marked down to $150 atm. the six drawer dresser is usually $330 and it’s marked down to $190. there’s also a three drawer dresser, a nightstand and a matching bed frame. i happen to adore TARVA bc they’re unfinished wood and thus super customizable – you can paint them, stain them, change out the knobs etc.
in a similar vein to TARVA, I love love love the RAST dresser. also unfinished pine and just $60!
HEMNES is also made of pine but it’s not unfinished wood. i’ll say the deals on HEMNES are a little less impressive to me but it’s worth a look if the “classic” style appeals to you a little more.
there are also a ton of HEMNES pieces (TV stands! nightstands! dressers! bookshelves! vanities! shoe storage! etc.) if coordinating all of those things is something that matters to you
(side note - that dresser on the right is HUGE. i've sold them secondhand before and they literally are too big to fit in my cargo space with the door closed)
there are a lot more things included in the sale so i'd highly recommend checking it out!
IKEA also has a number of acacia wood products that are just gorgeous, largely under the SKOGSTA and NACKANAS lines. gorgeous wood 😭 includes a bench, a stool, a shelf, a dining chair that they are discontinuing because they hate me and want me to die, a dining table…..
as for other furniture furniture…..
i’ll be honest that i think IKEA sofas and armchairs are pretty uncomfortable. i want to love some of them aesthetically but i just don’t find them pleasing to sit in. your mileage may vary
the biggest exception is the POANG chair (plus the ottoman?). it’s got a fascinating history dating back to the seventies, it’s got a fun shape, it has an associated ottoman so you can put your feet up, it’s comfortable, it comes in a ton of different colors for the frame and cushions
and most importantly, it makes a delightful boingy rocking motion if you are at all inclined to fidget. this is probably the number one piece of IKEA furniture that i’m dying to find a spot for in my house
honorable mention is the BUSKBO armchair, it’s a little pricy but god is it shaped
IKEA’s best table in my humble opinion is probably the NORDEN. they have ratcheted the price up to a horrific $350 as of late so it may be understandably out of your price range, but the storage drawers are fantastic and it has such a small footprint if you don’t have space for a huge dining table/desk. 10/10 would like to be a NORDEN when i grow up
as for dining chairs, aside from the SKOGSTA chair that they are taking from me in an act of violence, i’m very fond of OSTANO. it’s so pleasingly shaped, comes in some lovely green and orange-red shades in addition to black, and it’s literally $25. she cannot be defeated
for bed frames i’m fond of TARVA again, but if you’re open to a full size bed, NEIDEN is solid pine and available for $60 plus $40 bed slats which is not bad at all
if you need under-the-bed storage drawers you may want to check out the BRIMES and MALM lines (they are made of flimsier materials but my MALM bed really held up for the 5 years i had it)
i also personally really really love the VEVELSTAD bed with the TOLKNING headboards. kisses to her
KALLAX is not made of great materials but is a fucking classic and available in so many configurations
i’m also very fond of some of the baskets and things made to fit perfectly in the KALLAX cubbies. (you can see some of the cabinet and drawer inserts above)
my absolute fave is BULLIG
but shoutout to LUSTIGKURRE and TJILLEVIPS
hang tight i hit the image limit 🥲
another storage fave would be VESKEN, if you have any awkward narrow spaces where other furniture might not fit. she’s $15 and i lvoe her
as for side tables – LUBBAN is pretty cute (technically a serving cart) and looks like she was made to be friends with the GAMLEHULT ottoman
also a fan of the brown LOVBACKEN specifically
if you like bright colors and MCM vibes the whole NYTILLVERKAD line is worth checking out tho, including more brightly colored LOVBACKENs
moving onto “Marketplace” items….
I love the ULLERSLEV sheepskin rug, it’s little but i think the texture is delicious.
KLASSRUM is fun if you want more of an area rug, as is GRUNDSKOLA. don’t bother with the cowhides, you can get a much better deal on ebay
the SKADIS pegboard saved my life when i lived in an apartment with one (1) small kitchen cabinet. there’s a wall-mounted version and a free-standing version, and a ton of different accessories like hooks and containers and shelves to make it what you need it to be
for lamps i’m fond of the SINNERLIG line and also think the HEKTAR floor lamp looks like a fun table lamp 😅
there's a lot of really lovely rattan pieces rn if that interests you – a lot of times I’m not crazy about storage solutions that let you see inside the container (I’m….not organized enough for that not to look messy 😅) but the SNIDAD baskets are super cute and would look great as like, blanket storage or something? FLIKBOK is a picture frame that will be discontinued soon.The TOLKNING room divider is a whole vibe, and there are a few different rattan mirrors (GRINSBOL, BUSKBO, KAFFETRAD…).
as far as other mirrors go, i have such a bad crush on SKOGSGRANSEN rn and want it desperately (but it’s $60….)
IKEA has a lot of textiles that i find adorable but which can be really hit-or-miss on texture tbh. i won’t drop all the ones that seem aesthetically appealing bc i haven’t touched most of them myself, but I’ll say KUSTFYR and HOSTKVALL are seasonal and really cute.
i also really like the elephant side of this AROMATISK pillow.
hit image limit again bear with me
the BRONDEN throw pillows are pretty nice-looking as well
GALLERISKOG is bizarre (whose decor is this even for, it like doesn’t even color-coordinate with other IKEA products) but like i fucking love it
the FLADIS and TOLKNING baskets might be worth checking out if you like natural fibers (i love natural fibers)
this is specific but i think CHILISTRAN, while technically a plant pot, could be really fun hanging storage as well.
and if you need small, customizable storage, my beloved MOPPE
most of IKEA’s tableware rn is kinda meh except for the new SILVERSIDA collection, which looks like white plates and bowls splattered with blue. love them
their stuff for pets is pretty unremarkable except for these velcro cat scratchers. i used these extensively in my first apartment (which had structural poles wrapped in decorative rope…which Meatball understandably took to be scratching posts). they’re a great product
finally, DJUNGELSKOG
their plants and candles are worth checking out as well, and i would also encourage you to take a look at “IKEA hacking” online for ideas on how you can make some IKEA products a little more of your own.
thank you for reading this whole post! i’m sure i’ve forgotten a lot of great things, and i hope you have a fun time hunting them down! enjoy ☺️
4/17/2024 update by request!
the new TESAMMANS limited collection fucks immensely. especially obsessed with the rolling cart and the little fluted side table
IKEA has some nice options for storage bags – DIMPA is $5, waterproof and has carrying straps, while SÄCKÄRRA ($3) is just really cute with tasty colors. the SKUBB wrapping paper case ($13) is really nice for storing long objects too
i think the SKURAR candle holder and SOLSKUR table lamp could be really cute together in a room with the right aesthetic
IKEA has some really nice cheap vase filler. the TUNTRÄD lavender bouquet is currently $3.50. the 45" SMYCKA dried green bouquet is $7 and the TORKA dried bouquets come in two options (white 59" and $10 or brown 61" and $20)
the TORVFLY oven mitts and kitchen towels are darling and i desperately wish i had a kitchen where the broccoli ones would match the decor tbh
they also have a new line of plain, light beige drawer organizers and toiletry bags (BOLLÖSUND) that i think are pretty cute as-is and also extremely customizable if you'd like to go that route
as mentioned, IKEA textiles can be hit or miss for me on a tactile level, so i recommend checking these out in store and making sure you can tolerate them, but they have some pillow covers rn with really delicious-looking textures. SVARTPOPPEL and ASVEIG are my faves from afar
the STAMSILL coasters and placemat are kind of a vibe
the HULDHET walnut kitchen utensils and spice jars are a great price for what they are tbh, and i love IKEA products that use real wood. the SLITSTARK utensils have a walnut handle as well
IKEA's bestselling off-white and gold VATTENKRASSE watering can is honestly a little small if you have a lot of plants (ask me how i know!) but they just released a fabulous dark green-and-gold version that's more than twice the size and it's been working great for me!
the STOLTHET cutting board has cute little leggies and has been creatively "hacked" a couple times, including flipping it over and using it as a book shelf
i've hit the image limit again, more to come!
the DAKSJUS limited collection isn't my favorite limited collection of all time, but the Spring Sale event has some pretty decent discounts, and the fluted pots are very pretty
i also really like a couple of the DAKSJUS plant stands atm, especially at the discounted price
the KLYNNON and BOYSENBÄR pots are also really nice (i personally have one of each!) and come in a variety of sizes
the DRAGAN bathroom set is made of bamboo and pleasingly shaped
i am also stupidly in love with the metal and bamboo NALBLECKA kitchen organizer ($20) despite having nowhere to put it. it looks great though
of all IKEA's utility carts, i'm very fond of NISSAFORS. it's just $25 and, because of its particular assembly process, it's very easy to "hack" imo
(here's my NISSAFORS!)
if you wanted other utility carts, the RÄGRUND bamboo cart isn't bad at $50, and neither is the DAJLIEN utility cart
the rest of the DAJLIEN collection doesn't do much for me with the exception of the storage bench. the storage bench is pretty cool
the PERJOHAN bench has also been dropped down to a reasonable $50 if you want a cheaper option
i fucking love the GOKVÄLLA tray coffee table and it's currently just $40 because of the Spring Sale. actively fighting the urge to get one
the TIPHEDE rugs come at an unbeatable price point if you're on a budget ($10 for 5'x3', $20 for 5'x7') and actually aren't ugly if you want a nice neutral rug
the LOHALS and STRÖG flatwoven jute rugs are also pretty affordable and sexy (i could not tell you the difference between them)
if you have more of a cutesy vibe, the BARNDRÖM area rug is pretty charming and a nice color
they're getting rid of my girl SÖNDERÖD. i'm not ready to talk about it but jump on that if you want her
the DYKARKLOCKA pendant lamp shade makes me desperately wish i needed a pendant lamp shade
obligatory mention to the STOCKHOLM walnut veneer mirror
i'm almost done i swear
the bamboo NORDKISA nightstands are made of a more sustainable material than most of IKEA's other nightstands, and they just look like they know what they're about. no pretenses. love that for her
a while back someone asked me if IKEA had any over-the-toilet storage and i think i said no? i was wrong. this mistake haunts me. anyway the HEMNES over-the-toilet storage unit is like half off rn
they just released another over-the-toilet shelf for $45 if you want a cheaper option
has the FRÖSET chair always come in three colors? regardless. what a shape
they released a few different BILLY/HÖGADAL shelving units with woven bamboo cane doors if that's your sort of thing
the BJÖRKSNÄS nightstands are made out of solid birch which is nice!!!!!!! the pull is real leather!!!!!! however the matching bed frame is no longer solid birch and i'm furious about it
much to my delight, the IVAR line released a solid pine version of what's basically a KALLAX shelving unit and i think it fucks
the FÖRHÖJA kitchen cart is the kind of thing i don't even need, i have plenty of kitchen storage, but like, fucking look at it. incredible.
RÖNNINGE is pricier but also very shape
unrelated but i have a real soft spot for the FABRIKOR shelving unit in dark blue too. it has the potential to be delightfully moody. and also to be a little greenhouse with plants
EKENÄSET is really out of my price range for a chair ($280) but if you can afford one please adopt me
the new REVSKÄR outdoor couch thing pleases me. i love the wood accents. however if i had $725 to spend on an IKEA couch i would actually put it inside and make everyone look at it all the time
finally, trays? so many trays? i don't really even need trays? maybe you need trays? let me live vicariously through your need for trays?
OKAY THAT'S IT thank you for your consideration
I think the “can trans men say tranny” discourse is so funny because like what am I mean to say to transphobes who call me tranny. Am I meant to go “erm actually I’m a trans man! Not a trans women - and only trans women get called tranny. Please call me faggot instead.”
Me correcting folks like "actually it's hermaphrodite" because I'm not allowed to be called slurs that aren't directly referencing my intersexuality despite soooo many slurs being literally invented to refer to intersex people first