Jokes On Me

She has a little window

Fact: because most of your blood volume is plasma, anemia (and polycythemia) don't actually impact blood volume that much! Know what does? HYDRATION. A well-hydrated person physically has more blood volume than the same person suffering dehydration.

Blood volume correlates pretty closely to body mass, btw. If you are a larger than average human, you probably have more than an average amount of blood. Ditto if you're a smaller than average human. Remember that infants and children still count toward the average, and that they have much less blood than adults. Because of the body mass thing.

Drink water.

After reading the addition:

this one actually made me laugh pretty hard im not gonna lie

It’s practically 2014 and you guys still don’t know how to google if an article is real or not before giving it 100,000 notes

the transition im crying

I say this with zero malice and genuine curiosity: Did every lesbian vampire fan on Tumblr get this poll on their dash?

Time loop where the objective of the loop is to not learn a lesson. You repeat the day over until you give up on improvement, and once it breaks you only have vague memories of how hopeless trying is. You go through life never growing because any time you do, you do it over and over and forget. Eventually you grow old and die.

Derin are you like, good?

If I go too long without writing something fucked up I die

How do you know though, have you died before?

Don't ask such personal questions

Official Time Loop Post

This is one of the best running gags in cinematic history

A group of friends and I did a one shot recently in 5e. The catch is that they play something called “Dude Squad” where the only play “dudes” (not exclusively male people, just dude mentality) and they hate all magic and magic users. They think true strength is muscles and only muscles, and have in the past encountered magic users who they then convince to give up magic.

We got told to build a level 17 character for this one shot, most of the other folks had previous Dude Squad characters to resurrect. But I didn’t really want to play a straight martial class. In my heart, spellcasters are my true class, and I didn’t really have a strong idea of what kind of character to make.

So I approached the DM and said, “Hey, I have this idea to play a character that pretends to be a martial class but is actually a magic caster?” My girlfriends character is an aasimar who thinks he’s Thor and my backstory was that after meeting him and falling for him she decided to invest heavily in deceptive magic so as not to alienate him.

And my DM. Loved it. So he helped me build an extremely custom character. Two levels in Hexblade warlock gave her a good weapon and the ability to cast disguise self pretty much nonstop to appear buffer than she actually was.

Then there was four levels in Stone sorcerer in order to get 4 sorcery points, the ability to use those points to cast using Subtle Spell and no one could tell she’s casting, and to buff her AC.

Finally there was 11 Bladesong wizard levels in order to get some attack bonuses, even more AC, extra attacks, and the ability to burn spells to take less damage.

So the whole time I was burning spell slots to recharge my sorcery points every time I cast things like Haste and Spider Climb and use my Bladesong powers. We busted through walls and smashed our way through puzzles. We lied and said my character was a Barbarian/Monk so they didn’t bat and eye when she ran on walls with spider climb, but no one noticed when even after dashing she “held onto the stone wall” without any kind of check.

The final battle: the goblin wizard boss we were fighting had cast invulnerability on himself and had our friend mind controlled. So I’m trying to cover for not attacking as I try to dispel his invulnerability. I can no longer run on walls, or make the jumps my party is making on floating platforms over a spike pit so I try to use my actions on other helpful things like tying ropes for friends in the pit. I manage to dispel the magic on our friend but I burned almost all my spells trying to secretly dispel the boss’ spell and finally we just ended up grappling and suffocating him then pummeling him to death.

But at the last moment as we’re running out of this horrible goblin mansion I’m running down a wall and my friends are climbing down. The building says there’s 6 seconds left and my very injured love interest is not gonna make it so my character shouted “Fuckfuckfuck!” Ran over and cast dimension door to bring them both to safety. (Two people got left in the blast but both survived cause Dude Power). Then I critically failed my deception about how I had used magic and came clean and everyone lost their shit when they heard what we’d done. Her final confession, after dropping her buff disguise self, was, “When I met Kathor I really liked him and he freakin’ hates magic so I just kinda figured out how to hide that I was castin’ magic cause I though we might go to pound town.”

Kathor then declared, “I’ve never had someone try so hard to get in my pants!” And swept her up and they messily made out. It was deeply satisfying the wonders that DnD can create, like making a whole class based on the lie that you’re not spellcasting.

what is this from

the titanic

I FUCKING FORGOT I QUEUED THIS

For all who celebrate man’s hubris!

they need to bring back gathering

Everyone meet just a normal goose :)

Glad you guys like this totally normal goose!

I am making everyone remember normal goose

Well, I can not find the original separate post of this so I’m just going to tack these on here

no piece of art or literature has ever understood me quite like this onion article

(+part 2)

absolutely criminal how falling into bad habits is the easiest thing in the world while developing positive habits feels like fighting a literal war