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rangering

@lundqvisition / lundqvisition.tumblr.com

jess, 20-something, nyc-ish. my personality islands are hockey, music, makeup, dogs, and sarcasm. i am an embarrassing human being but I wouldn't want it any other way.
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take a shot every time a bi character says bisexual on tv you will be drunk in exactly never

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I am just so sick in my heart and I feel just...a little lost. I'm not like...out, you know? My parents don't know that I've been with just as many girls as guys, most of my family doesn't. And even in spaces with people who DO know that about me, the people who don't are also there (like on Twitter) and it just hurts so much because I want to be vocal about it, I want to reach out and pull everybody into my arms and say that I am part of this community and we are in this together and like, take comfort in that, but I can't. I can't talk about that. and all I can say is just...I hate this. Because the kind of hate that makes this kind of thing happen is the same kind of hate that keeps me from grieving it the way I need to.

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update on my life: drag queens are ruining it.

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i swear sometimes I see posts on this website and I think “these people do know that the world is real and actions have consequences, right?”

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merindab

I used to really worry that medications would harm my creativity and it’s part of why I resisted taking them. It hasn’t. If anything it’s allowed me to be more focused and able to complete things. My imagination hasn’t changed just because I’m on anti-depressants.

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hollowedskin

a lot of my family didnt want me to start medications because they thought it would impact my ability to create, and I believed them. Now im getting better and better with my art because i dont have to fight through the brainfog or the constant panic attacks and can dedicate my energy to my work. Antidepressents didnt take my emotions away, they made them easier to handle.

also Van Gogh was literally in an asylum receiving mental health treatment when he painted ‘Starry Night’. It was one of the most stable & productive periods of his life, despite the fact that wasn’t hugely effective treatment, because they didn’t really have modern understandings of what things work on mental illness. Like, you know. Medication.

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hirakumblr

This is why we don’t romanticize mental illness or chronic disease.

ALSO because I am reading a book of his letters right now, Van Gogh himself addressed the idea that the best art came from pain and said that his art tended to suffer when his depression was hitting pretty hard. So don’t even pull that shit where you give his untreated depression credit for his art. Van Gogh would have hated that, and if antidepressants/better treatment of mental illness HAD existed then we might have even more of his work now.

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y’all should add me on snapchat (it’s the same as my URL) if you want to see 

  • pictures of my dogs
  • videos of my dogs
  • selfies of me/makeup
  • pictures of every dog i see in NYC
  • other weird shit I see in NYC
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how to keep from biting your nails once they get long enough that they’re bendy and awful after you shower

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This SCF is so fucking confusing for me because like...I hate the penguins. like I really, really hate them.

but this year, they actually have more players that I like than the Sharks do.

what is a girl to do. 

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