Finn Is My Force Sensitive Jedi Son

I’m about to have a fun afternoon.

So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.

She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.

This should make for an interesting story.

So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.

Arrival:

So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”

Retrieval:

So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.

Delivery:

So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.

What a great day.

I was thinking about this story for no reason and decided I should grace you all with it again.

im still pissed off about シ and ツ

I don’t シ whaツ bad about this?

im going to stab you in the face

ソン of a—

There’s really ノ need to get ソ worked up over something as miンor as this!

ワt the フck is going on

this is my worst nightmare.

Oケ guys let’s chill out, it クld be a lot worse.

I can’t speak for every screen reader, but if you listen to this post on VoiceOver it reads almost perfectly.

For those without a screen reader that transitions between English and Japanese so easily (or sight readers who can’t read Japanese): the symbols are Japanese Katakana. Each symbol represents a phonetic syllable. The entire post is just making puns with that, except for the first post, which is just OP being upset that [shi] and [tsu] look so similar.

This isn’t really a plain language transcription, but more of…a sort of translation?

@newhologram I suspect this might amuse you

no language should be mocked other than french

Birds is “oiseaux” in French.

No letter is pronunced the way it should.

And there are seven of them.

ITS PRONOUNCED “WAZO” AND YES, I WILL DIE MAD ABOUT IT

oiseaux hits every vowel in the french alphabet and manages to only be pronounced with 2 goddamn syllables

got vowels coming out the oiseaux

This will never not be funny and I will never not reblog it.

Every time I get lower back pain at work I think about that scene from the incredibles where Mr. Incredible is being stretched by the giant robot and his back clicks in juuuust the right way and he laughs triumphantly and proceeds to tear the robot to pieces

God I wish that were me

It’s 2023. Let’s drop the idea that “you’re nothing but not to me” is romantic and instead recognize it as what it actually is: gaslighty, harmful, isolating and just plain evil.

What happens if you have questions?

I know everyone says it’s best to just stick to “said” as a dialogue tag bc it disappears and that’s true and I mostly do but I want to take a moment for my all-time favorite dialogue tag, “lied.” Absolutely nothing hits like “‘I’m here to help,’ he lied.” NOTHING.

ABSOLUTELY one of my favourites.

Can't say I don't respect the energy

i need him so bad it hurts

When people graffiti on buildings: Yes! Ha ha! Fuck yes!

When people graffiti on rockfaces and cliffsides on hiking trails: What the absolute fuck.

It's not punk to poison the soil, dude.

It's doubly not punk to deface someone's traditional lands.

Fandom: Phineas and Ferb

Sample Size: 3,208 stories

Source: AO3

@miku-spotted

this is a confession to the star wars fandom because I have to get this off my chest. last summer just for fun I taught myself to read aurebesh and. you fanartists have Got to Continue putting the most Hilarious stuff into the background of your art because it is literally my favorite thing

here’s a couple of excellent things I’ve read since I started keeping a list just last month:

- “I hate drawing lightsabers”

- “Idk what to put here”

- “stupid fucking sign”

- “eat paste, it’s good”

- an entire news article on a phone screen which I actually found really impressive

- a few funny misspellings but the best one so far was ahsoka somehow becoming “asock”

- wanted poster of obi wan that read “wanted for fashion crimes”. the caption translated it as “wanted for high treason”. like blatantly lying to my face. love it.

- door on a ship was labeled “cake storage”

- “shopping list: frogs, hair gel, lightsaber polish”

and my personal favorite:

- “if you’re reading this you’re a fucking nerd”

The first rule of writing is hoard notebooks

The second rule of writing is we do not write in our notebook hoard

子グマの木登り姿はかわいい。 https://twitter.com/r2d2c3poacco/status/990027781131026432/photo/1