a lump sum of money is on the way to you
Need this.
Of course
It worked tho
I just won $500 off a scratch Ticket lottery.
I NEED MONEY FOR TOP SURGERY MAGIC POST PLEASE HELP ME JFC
Jenna Marbles found her niche and has embraced it to the absolute max
I just opened up a check in the mail, went to the ATM & found 20$ 😭 I’m not passing these shits up NO more on my mama!
Even if I do not receive money or good news, I did smile at seeing this smiling Buddha.
^^^^
Mark the electrician has been here for five minutes and he’s already said “well that’s…weird” twice from the other room and frankly I’m afraid to ask.
It’s not good when skilled tradesman are standing in the middle of your room pinching the bridge if their nose, is it?
Mark just referred to the wiring in our bedroom as “creative” and “interesting”.
This is fine.
And now he’s taking apart the ceiling. I’m not worried, are any of you worried? I’m not, haha, it’s not like this house was previously owned by someone who would do something stupid like try to wire their house themselves…or store tins of varnish under the furnace behind a secret alcove…
Ha ha…
Ha.
Hm.
Fuck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S NO NEUTRAL WIRES??!?
This post crosses my dashboard every so often and every time, I’m reminded of when I discovered that my whole house was grounded to a gas line.
Good times.
1 - gives kibble to dogs in shelters with a single click
2 - gives 10 pieces of kibble to dogs in shelters, whether you get the question right or not
3 - gives 10 pieces of kibble to cats in shelters, whether you get the question right or not
4 - gives cat litter to cats in shelters with a single click
*opens 4 new tabs*
the cat litter one makes little noises after you click it and it’s so cute.
my dad owns a small business and today he found out that one of his male employees was sexually harassing a female coworker and sending her dick pics and shit and so my dad fired him and then immediately left work to drive to this guy’s other job and told his boss there and got him fired from two jobs in the span of like an hour lmao
Good dad. Good boss.
hi I’m a therapist some people come to me to break down severe childhood trauma some people come to me because their job is super stressful some people come to me because they’re worried all the time about stuff that they know they shouldn’t be worried about but they worry anyway some people come to me because they’re bad at focusing some people come to me because their mom said they should but they’re enjoying the experience anyway what i’m saying is there is no wrong time, reason, or explanation to come see a therapist. we’re ready for you.
happy anniversary to godiwishthatwereme.jpg
hey remember in 2016 when clown attack panic was a thing? and 2 years later it’s managed to leave no lasting indent in the American psyche, how does that work
A week after Halloween 2016, the biggest and most bloodthirsty clown of all took over the country.
Ohhhhhhhhh
college professor just said “you’re probably too young to even remember this” and brought up something that happened in 2011
Better than my professer that said we’d “probably recognize this from Saturday morning cartoons” then showed us a cartoon from 1935…
Inmortals with no concept of time
Let me just ask the police..
Someone told my ex-dad (not a sex thing; he just disowned me) that I’m trans and now he’s threatening to come to work and make a scene, and I know I should be upset, but like. What’s he gonna say exactly? And to whom? Because imagining a haggard and likely shitfaced Pennsylvania construction worker barging through the grocery store like, “HEY!!! THAT BROAD-HIPPED 5'3” EFFEMINATE KID WITH THE CONSPICUOUSLY BIZARRE NAME WHO SPEAKS IN A CARTOONISHLY AFFECTED CARICATURE OF MASCULINITY AIN’T GOT NO DICK!!! YOU GONNA BUY SCRATCH OFF TICKETS FROM SOME KINDA DICKLESS ABOMINATION??“ is wild. What’s it going to accomplish? Or is he gonna call my manager? “HELLO, I’D LIKE TO REPORT A FRAUD IN YOUR DELI DEPARTMENT. THERE IS NOT SAUSAGE AS ADVERTISED.” What the fuck.
Odds are he’s more embarrassed of having a trans ex-kid than I am of being outed at work, so what if I go to his job and tell everyone I’m trans first? What then, coward?
Dick or no dick, this post has some of the biggest dick energy I have ever seen.
if you are having trouble with eating:
no offense but trying to find a problematic behavior on literally every single person and every single situation is absolutely ridiculous and maybe the problematic one is you
Me before having sex with my beautiful girlfriend
Me: *removes my clown nose*
Me: *removes my clown wig*
Me: *removes my silk handkerchief*
Me: *removes my silk handkerchief *
Me: *removes my silk ha-
the care bears always make fun of bedtime bear bc hes tired all the time and accidentally falls asleep but its only bc he stays up all night to make sure that everyone else sleeps well and to banish nightmares and protect people
