now is your beggining

judging by fan fictions, the only jobs in the world are being a teacher, lawyer, waiter, or working at a coffee shop

and man do the people with those jobs have a lot of sex

Based on AO3′s AU - Career tag, these are the top 20 areas of employment in the fanfic universe:

Please, never let this meme die.

This is the best one I’ve seen so far

What kind of quantum fucking memeing from 2056 are you people beaming to us

me: why are you destroying earth!!!

aliens: because theres people who think that english is the only language they need to speak

me: thats fair i understand

For some reason I find this all the more amusing because it’s written in English

moi: pourquoi vous détruisez le monde!!! l'extraterrestre: parce que il y a des gens qui pensent que l'anglais est le seule langue pour parler moi: ah ça c'est bien

ich: warum zerstört ihr die erde!!!

aliens: weil es leute gibt die glauben dass englisch die einzige sprache ist die sie sprechen müssen

ich: das ist fair ich verstehe

ég: af hverju eyðileggið þið jörðina!!! aliens: af því að það er fólk sem finnst að enska sé sú eina tungumál sem þau þurfa að tala ég: oh, það er vit í þessu. ég skil.

ik: waarom vernietig je de aarde!!!

aliens: omdat er mensen zijn die denken dat engels de enige taal is die ze hoeven te spreken

ik: oh zo, ik snap het

minä: miks te tuhootte maapalloo?

alienit: koska tääl on ihmisiä joitten mielestä englanti on ainoo kieli jota niitten täytyy puhua

minä: toi on reilua, ymmärrän

私: どうして地球を滅ぼしているんですか？

宇宙人: 英語しか喋る必要がないと思う人がいるからです

私: なるほど、わかりました

me: Wosück maakt ji de Welt twei!!!

aliens: wieldat dat Lüüd gifft, de dinkt dat Engelsch de allenige Spraak weer, de een snacken mütt

me: jo, daar seggst wat. Nu versta ik’t

aniga: dhulka maxaad u burburinaya !!!

shisheeyaha: dadka intiisa badani u malaynayaan in Ingiriisidu tahay afka oo kaliya ay u baahan yihiin inay la hadlaan

aniga: waxaan fahamsanahay. waa wax cadaalad

我：你们为什么在毁灭地球?！！

外星人：因为有人以为他们只会英语就可以了

我：懂了，说得有道理

ako: bakit niyo sinisira ang mundo!!!

taga-ibang planeta: kasi merong mga taong akala nila Ingles lang ang kailangan nilang matutunang lenggwahe

ako: ah, sige naiintindihan ko

Aku : kenapa kau hancurkan bumi!!! Alien : karena masih banyak orang berpikir hanya bahasa inggris satu-satunya bahasa yang terpenting Aku : oh, oke lah..

tôi: tại sao các người hủy diệt trái đất!!! người ngoài hành tinh: bởi vì có người nghĩ rằng tiếng Anh là thứ tiếng duy nhất mà họ cần biết tôi: ồ thế thì tôi hiểu

Eu: Por que vocês estão destruindo a Terra?! Aliens: Porque há pessoas que pensam que o inglês é a única língua que eles precisam falar. Eu: Isso é justo, eu entendo.

jag: varför förintar ni jorden!!!

utomjordingar: för det finns folk som tror att engelska är det ända språket de behöver kunna

jag: rimligt, jag förstår

Já: Proč ničíte Zemi?

Mimozemšťani: Protože tu jsou lidé, kteří si myslí, že angličtina je jediný jazyk, který potřebují znát

Já: To je fér, to chápu.

ja: dlaczego niszczycie Ziemię?

kosmici: ponieważ są ludzie, którzy myślą, że angielski to jedyny język, którego potrzebuję

ja: rozumiem, w porządku

io: perchè state distruggendo la terra!!!

alieni: perchè ci sono delle persone che credono che l’inglese sia l’unica lingua di cui hanno bisogno

io: capisco, mi sembra giusto

Yo: porqué estás destruyendo la tierra!?!?

Extraterrestre: porque hay personas quienes creen que inglés es la única lengua que se tiene que hablar.

Yo: te entiendo, es justo.

Я: Почему вы уничтожаете Землю?!?! Инопланетяне: Потому что есть люди, которые считают, что им нужно говорить только по-английски. Я: А, ну понятно, тогда ладно!

A modern Rosetta stone.

People keep posting ‘what’s REALLY in your food’ articles like I’m gonna stop eating whatever it’s about lmao Listen, death is coming. Death is coming. Pass me a hot dog.

The fuck is going on right now

This is such a finely aged post

Breakfast Time

So I just realized I never actually posted this on my blog… So here you go!

Mornings can be rough -.-

Last week the weather was really nice. My dad, youngest brother, and I took our dog down to the beach for a hike. I was sick and high on cold medicine, but the weather was so nice that I wanted to get outside. My fevered mind kept imagining that we were RPG characters on an epic quest along the lakeshore. So, I made this illustration with that idea in mind :)

Happy first day of spring! Have some brightly colored Sam, based off this cap from @capturingsamwinchester

support me on patreon

Sometimes on the subway we time travel.

It’s the question mark that makes it exquisite.  The future is not an exact science.

Look we’re not exactly sure what day it is yet- but fuck if it isn’t a Monday

Keith Week: Fire

Home 💫

Lucy excitedly shops for a new toy. [full video]

This dog’s joy makes me so happy.

I’m the one in the middle

I love everything about this except the manbaby who left to get his poopy diaper changed

today on toxic masculinity theatre: a demonstration of why a subtle sneer and turning aside to drink your beer isn’t a good response to being on the kisscam

Honestly, this is just so good.

I watched this about 6 times and I’m not anywhere close to being done enjoying it yet.

The woman that can’t stop laughing makes my soul smile.

instead of Friends they should’ve called it Friends & Ross

every conflict the Friends had to face was directly the cause of Ross

just saw an episode where chandler was trying to give joey money since he was struggling financially but joey was too proud to take it so chandler made up a gambling game where joey always won so chandler could give him money without him knowing. perfect example of two great Friends. then joey, confident with his skills in the game, goes to ross to play with him and loses it all to ross. joey tells chandler and he goes to ross and explains the situation and how the game was fake and asks for his money back but ross wouldn’t give it back. just one of the many examples of ross being a worthless piece of shit

I just watched the episode where Rachel hires a male nanny, Sandy, who is perfectly qualified and experienced. All of the friends love him including Joey who says that he is ‘learning so much’ from him. Except of course Ross who is a dick to Sandy the entire episode just because Ross doesn’t think being a nanny is a man’s job. Ross even went as far as to ask if he was gay in the job interview which I’m pretty sure is a big no-no. Ross eventually ends up firing Sandy purely because he’s a man in a female dominated job and because he thinks is too sensitive which is hilarious because the only sensitive one here is Ross and his fragile masculinity.

What about the one where Ross gets upset because his two year old son wants to play with a Barbie? He spends the entire episode trying to convince him that G.I. Joe is better.

How about the part where Rachel got a dream job in Paris, and fuckboy Ross who had treated Rachel like shit in the past, decided to try and win her back at the airport when he should have just let her go to her dream job. 

I watched an episode where Ross and Rachel got trashed in Vegas and then went to the chapel and got married. When they came to Ross wouldn’t get an annulment because he didn’t want to be known as the guy who gets divorced. He is kind of awful.

KEEP THIS THREAD GOIN KIDS DRAG THAT FUCKER

Or the one where Ross yells at Rachel for dating Elizabeth’s dad because it’s “weird” for him but had no problem going out with Rachel’s sister, Jill, when Rachel had an issue with it.

Or how about the one where Rachel is having the time of her life at a job she loves, but insecure douche canoe Ross has a problem that she’s working with another man, and gives Rachel such a hard time about it, she decides she needs a break from their relationship

The show Friends actually invented the term ‘friendzone’ to describe Ross’ inability to show Rachel that he wanted to be with her (back at the start).

I fucking hate Ross so much

Remember when he cheated on Rachel and refused to say he was sorry about it because “it was Rachel’s fault, she wanted a break”? Ross is just a disgusting dickwad.

Ross, the original fucking fuckboy.

Your professor will not be happy with you if he says the Stanford Prison Experiment shows human nature and you say it shows the nature of white middle class college-aged boys.

Like he will not be happy at all.

For real though. That experiment. Scary shit.

This reminds me of a discussion that I read once which said Lord of the Flies would have turned out a hell of a lot differently if it was a private school of young girls (who are expected to be responsible and selfless instead), or a public school where the children weren’t all from an inherently entitled, emotionally stunted social class (studies have shown that people in lower socioeconomic classes show more compassion for others). Or that the same premise with children raised in a different culture than the toxic and opressive British Empire and it’s emphasis on social hierarchy and personal wealth and status. And that what we perceive as the unchangable truth deep inside humanity because of things like Lord of the Flies and the Stanford Prison Experiment, is just the base truths about what happens when you remove any accountabilty controlling one social group with an overwhelming sense of entitlement and an inability to feel compassion.

I will always reblog this.

I just wanna say that the Lord of the Flies was explicitly written about high-class private school boys to make this exact point. Golding wrote Lord of the Flies partially to refute an earlier novel about this same subject: The Coral Island by R.M. Ballantyne. Golding thought it was absolutely absurd that a bunch of privileged little shits would set up some sort of utopia, so his book shows them NOT doing that.

This is also generally true about most psychological experiments.

There’s an experiment called “The Ultimatum Game”. It goes something like this.

The most common result was believed to be that people favored 50/50 splits. Anything too low was rejected; people wanted fairness. This was believed to be universal.

And then a researcher went to Peru to do the experiment with members of the indigenous Machiguenga population, and was baffled to find that the results were totally different.

Because, to the Machiguenga, refusing any amount of free money (even an unfair amount) was considered crazy.

So the researcher took his work on the road (to 14 other ‘small scale’ societies and tribes) , and to his shock found the results varied wildly depending on where the test was done. 

In fact, the “universal” result? Was an outlier. 

And that’s the problem. 96% percent of test subjects for psychological research come from 12% of the population. Stuff that we consider to be universal facts of human nature… even things like optical illusions, just… aren’t.

 You can read an article about it here.  But the crux of it is that psychology is plagued with confirmation bias, and people are shaped more by their environment than we realize. 

There’s some researchers at UBC in Vancouver who look at this kind of bias, and they use the acronym WEIRD–standing for “Western, educated, industrial, rich, democratic”–to describe how the typical research subject differs from the world on average.

arthur helping merlin with his armour