❝ you sure you don’t want to get some rest? ❞
"I have to watch over you." Natasha sat silently staring out over the vastness. Being on the run constantly wasn't easy, but she could do it. It wouldn't be the first time she had gone without sleep for days.
❛ promise me you’ll still be here when i wake up. ❜
"Of course I will," he told her, "I can't promise I'll be asleep, but I'll be here."
"As long as you are still here that's all that matters."
"I will be," he told her, "I promise."
"Thank you Raggedy man.."
"There's my girl. Always got my back," he teased, moving closer as his arms went around her.
She wrapped her arm around his neck, the other hand held onto the front of his shirt. "I'm always going to have your back Bucky.." She blushed.
"Still? You say still like people are saying I'm not," he teased, though there was no real offense in his voice.
"There was one person.. but you know. I punched them in the face." She blushed looking at him.
"You know Bucky.. you are still hot.." @delightindarkness
when the monsters come creeping across the floor,
s l i p p i n g into your mind…
i promise that I will be there to FIGHT them back
a g a i n && a g a i n
submitted by anonymous.
HER VOICE, HER FACE, IT WAS ALL COMING BACK TO HIM. He could start to remember more and more about her, more about the life they had managed to build with one another despite the hell they were both forced to live in. He could remember what it felt like to love her, to hold her whenever possible. To promise he would always love her.
He remembered what it was like when they ripped them apart.
When she placed her hand on his heart, he stilled, rolling his lips while he fought the urge to warn her not to get too close to him. Without the trigger words, he wouldn't become the Winter Soldier, though he would likely still be seen as a danger. He would always be seen as a danger. A weapon.
He nodded, looking back at her, and reaching with his other hand to hold her face there, his hands expertly gentle as he held her face, like he was holding something delicate, something precious, because she was. His thumb rubbed gently against her cheekbone, hearing the declaration of love, and hearing that desperation in her voice. "I'm not goin anywhere. I promise Natalia." He let out a huff, a small tear falling down his cheek as his breath broke. "I love you to. I love you so much Nat."
She remained close to him, enjoying the feeling of his hands on her face. When his thumb brushed over her cheekbone, she felt her breath catch in her throat. Then he spoke, those gentle words, declarations of his love for her. She never thought she would hear him say it again, it had been so long, too long. A tear fell down her cheek and she caught his tear with her lips. "Please don't cry my love." She nodded. "Please.. hold me. I trust you, you know I do." She kept herself as close to him as possible. She wasn't sure what would happen now, but she had to try, she had to keep him safe, to keep him here with her. "I never thought, someone could love me. But you do."
HYDRA TOLD HER THAT SHE WAS SPECIAL. That they had helped her come to that potential. She at first, when she didn't know any better...thought they were right. But she didn't see it that way that HYDRA did. She saw herself as a monster, twisted by them to be the weapon that they wanted her to be.
Ana looked up to her mother when she promised that she would never let them use her as a weapon again. That she would protect her. It was a promise, and she paused, trying to figure out how to respond. How was she supposed to reverse all the thoughts that had been poured and conditioned into her over the time she had been there with them. Knowing she had a target on her head, meant anyone that wanted to keep her safe would be in danger.
Her smile was warm, inviting. Everything a smile from a mother should be. It pulled a smile from Ana as well, causing her to nod to her mother in return. She wanted to believe the promise, deciding to take a chance on it. She squeezed her hand a little tighter, moving to try and nuzzle into her side the best that she could.
"Who taught you to sing?" She asked as she looked back up at her, a small but genuine smile on her face. "You're voice is really pretty."
Natasha felt her daughter trying to move and nuzzle into her side more. This caused Nat to place a protective arm around her daughter, pulling her as closely in as she could. She nodded and shrugged her shoulders a little bit. "I honestly, don't remember. I used to sing when I was younger, perhaps my mother and father.." She took a few deep breaths. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was hoping it would help you sleep for a bit. Just so that you could feel energized for when we must leave." She smiled down at her. "Would you like me to sing something else?"
OF COURSE SHE WOULD BE TRYING TO BE FUNNY. He always did remember her making jokes about things like this. She was also always there to show him that he could be trusted. He never agreed with it. Not really ever believing her. How could he. Everything he knew about himself was a monster made by HYDRA to do their bidding. A ghost sent out to add more to the list of dead bodies HYDRA made that way.
As she brought his hand up to her face, his lip quivered, afraid to touch her after knowing he had hurt her. His hand trembled, but he eventually placed his hand there, gently at first touching her cheek, and caressing her cheek. He could faintly remember what it felt like to hold her, when they had their stolen moments, and his eyes watered as he began to remember more and more. "Nat...I...I'm sorry."
She placed her hand over his heart, trying to remind herself that it could be mere seconds and something could trigger him back into the Soldier. She focused on him, trying to give him anchor to keep him grounded, to keep him there with her, with Steve. "James.." She looked into his blue eyes, those eyes that held so much pain. "You taught me to be strong, to not let the pain dampen my accuracy. I know better than to let my pain show. YOU made me strong and stubborn." She took a breath. "Stay with me.." She kept her eyes on his. "I love you.. James Buchanan Barnes.."
❛ i just made a stupid mistake, okay? ❜
"We all make mistakes.. it's okay.." Natasha looked at her. "But it's only a mistake if you learn from it. Otherwise it becomes a habit."
SO HE HADN'T TOLD HER ABOUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED. He had promised that he wouldn't. That he would let that be something she chose who knew and who didn't know. It was a factor that made her a target for HYDRA. The Red Room wasn't as concerned with the mutant nature of her. But it had been HYDRA that learned what else she could do when they found the genetic similarity in her and mutants.
If they had her...They had a mutant soldier for them to exploit. They just needed to get her, and deal with her defective parents.
Ana took a breath, looking down for a moment and shook her head. "That's not all." She looked up at her mother, almost afraid to say it. Like somehow learning that she was this thing would somehow make her not love Ana. "I can...Move things." She admitted, looking back down. "With my mind, I can see things from the past, and elsewhere." She paused for a moment, like she was afraid of continuing.
"They ran tests...to find out if I could. Wouldn't stop until I did...something."
She listened to every word, every painful thought that crossed through her head, was no doubt, clear on her face. The thought that Hydra had tortured her, forced a mutation to show through, killed Natasha. Red Room training was torture enough.. but this.. this was more. Each word burned a fire of hatred in the redheaded assassin. She wanted to go right now and kill all of them for what they had done. Instead she didn't move, holding her daughters hand, listening to her speak.
Natasha put her hand under her daughters chin, bringing her gaze back up to meet her own. The knowledge of what her daughter could do, made her a target for Hydra. She knew they wouldn't stop coming for them until they either got her or they ended them. Natasha looked into her daughters blue eyes, the eyes that she shared with her father, but the shape was hers, completely. "I will never allow them to use you as a weapon." She nodded. "What happened to you at their hands, will not happen again. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe." She smiled at her daughter, knowing that she would do it. "I promise."
“James..” she looked into his eyes, moving closer now, her hand moving up to his cheek now. She knew she had broke through and she wasn’t sure how long this would last. It felt surreal. She tried to steal her breath, to find the words to say. There were so many things that he had done, but she wondered what he meant exactly. “Oh James..” She shook her head. There was something inside her that wanted to tell him everything, but she knew too much might throw him back into the Winter Soldier. “What do you mean?” She looked into his eyes, still clutching her ribs.
WHENEVER HE CAME OUT FROM BEING THE SOLDIER, he always felt a fog over his mind for the first while. Eventually things came back, and he remembered what happened when he was the Winter Soldier. But in the meantime...He was left looking for clues to tell him what he had done. What had happened.
His eyes went down to were her hand was on her ribs. There it was. There was what he had done. The answer he was looking for, and she had given it loud and clear, even if she didn't think that she did. His hand wanted to touch her there, tenderly, but he didn't trust himself with that privilege yet. He let out a huff, or perhaps more of a gasp, before looking back up to meet her green eyes. Those green eyes that he could faintly recognize.
"I...I hurt you. Didn't I?" He asked with a hesitance to his voice.
Natasha looked up at him, into those soft blue eyes that looked at her, with a hesitant, yet worried look. Her hand caressed his cheek. She focused on him and keeping him stable at that moment. "I'm okay James. If I.. can't take a kick to the ribs, then why am I here." She chuckled softly. "It'll be alright. I promise." She dropped her hand from his face to take his hand in hers. "I'm right here James." She brings his hand upto her face slowly, trying to show him great trust.
THE IDEA OF SHUTTING DOWN HYDRA AND THE RED ROOM, it was hard for Ana to conceptualize that concept. The two organizations that had been able to stay hidden this long, while preying on people who were weak or vulnerable, turning them into weapons for them. They had done this for so long. The thought of one family bringing that all down...it sounded like a pipe-dream.
If there was a family that could do it though...It was them. They were all driven, and the worst thing HYDRA and The Red Room could have done, was turn them into something that was bigger than what they could control.
What Natasha didn't know, that Bucky had not told her, for Ana's sake of being the one to have control over her abilities, and who knew, was that they had a bomb effectively in Ana. She was powerful, and she only knew thanks to the very ones they were going after.
Her mother made her confident...they would bring them down.
Ana lightly squeezed her mother's hand back, rolling her lips as she looked there before looking back up to her. "Papa didn't tell you. What they did. What I can do. Did he?"
Natasha looked at her daughter, their daughter, thinking hard about everything James had told her. She didn't remember anything about out of the ordinary. Nothing other than what she knew. "He told me you are enhanced, like us." She nodded.
"Nothing else really." She nodded her head, trying to figure out the words to say. How to say what she really needed to say. "What do you mean Ana? What you are capable of doing? I mean.. you are like us right.. enhance with, the knowledge of survival and battle."
For the first time, Natasha was confused. She really didn't understand what was going on with herself, James and Ana. She was fearful of them being found. But Natasha knew that James and herself would do whatever it took to protect their daughter.
"No." She looked him in the eyes, noticing the confusion setting in, she remembered that, remembered how they broke through it for her. She could do it for him if she just had a little more time. "James.. please.." She tried again, moving closer, inching towards him as if it was all she had left in her to use. "Please James.. listen to me. You aren't this.. this isn't you. This mission isn't of your own choice." She held her hands up, trying to keep a little distance between them. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, your best friend is Steve Rogers. You two used to go to Coney Island.. you made him ride the cyclone.." She trembled a bit from the knowledge. "You are safe here. I promise, no one will harm you.. James.. please.." She took a step towards him now. "Moya Volk.." She extended a hand to him, palm up to show she was no threat. "Trust me.." Her eyes fixed on his blue ones.
THE TWO THINGS THAT SEEMED TO CAUSE HIM THE MOST PAIN. Steve Rogers, and that name. That Russian pet name that pulled something from deep inside him whenever he heard it. Her voice pulled at something inside him that he couldn't recognize as him. Like a ghost living inside of him that he couldn't get a hold on.
James Buchanan Barnes was a man he didn't know. A mirrored ghost that hid in the back of his being, conveniently locked away where he couldn't find him. But the name Steve Rogers, Coney Island, and that voice calling him that tender name. He could see glimpses of a man resembling him in those flashes. A young man, who smiled, who held a beautiful woman in his arms. A man who held her.
His blue eyes met hers and he stuttered on a breath, letting that gasp leave him as he remembered what had happened. The fight in the street, kicking her in the stomach, being a man who wasn't the Winter Soldier. Even if only behind closed doors.
"N-Natalia? Oh God...What did I do?"
“James..” she looked into his eyes, moving closer now, her hand moving up to his cheek now. She knew she had broke through and she wasn’t sure how long this would last. It felt surreal. She tried to steal her breath, to find the words to say. There were so many things that he had done, but she wondered what he meant exactly. “Oh James..” She shook her head. There was something inside her that wanted to tell him everything, but she knew too much might throw him back into the Winter Soldier. “What do you mean?” She looked into his eyes, still clutching her ribs.
THAT NAME, HE HAD HEARD IT BEFORE. It was what they called him, the people he had been serving before they captured him, bringing him back here. Wherever here was. When she said it though...He felt a burning deep down in him. It was like in itch he couldn't scratch.
He shook his head, trying to shake the pain coursing through him whenever she seemed to push to get through to him. It was an annoyance, it was painful. His head felt like something was squeezing it, as flashes of memories of a red head went through his mind. Flashes of memories he didn't remember having.
"Stop!" He was like a feral animal, going as far as to lash out toward her. A loud yell leaving his lips. It wouldn't be long before security feed would show his aggression to her, and send reinforcements.
"No." She looked him in the eyes, noticing the confusion setting in, she remembered that, remembered how they broke through it for her. She could do it for him if she just had a little more time. "James.. please.." She tried again, moving closer, inching towards him as if it was all she had left in her to use. "Please James.. listen to me. You aren't this.. this isn't you. This mission isn't of your own choice." She held her hands up, trying to keep a little distance between them. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, your best friend is Steve Rogers. You two used to go to Coney Island.. you made him ride the cyclone.." She trembled a bit from the knowledge. "You are safe here. I promise, no one will harm you.. James.. please.." She took a step towards him now. "Moya Volk.." She extended a hand to him, palm up to show she was no threat. "Trust me.." Her eyes fixed on his blue ones.
SLEEP NEVER CAME EASY FOR ANA, NOT ANYMORE. Even now that she was out, she still felt plagued by memories of what had happened to her. What she had to endure, much of it conveniently when the Winter Soldier had been put in chryo for attempting to protect her from agents when she had made a simple mistake in training. That was just the small, little, unfortunate memories. The other ones though…Those ones were what kept her up at night.
Ana was afraid to fall asleep. She was always afraid to fall asleep. Now that they were all on the run…Now she was even more worried about falling asleep. Papa had ensured that she would be fine, and he had even told her to trust her mother…Her Momma. She wanted to. Her whole life she thought about what kind of woman her mother might be like. Never once did she imagine the strong woman that was now sitting on her bed, singing to her.
The song was almost humorous, considering the history the family had, but none of them were really ones to mind some dark symbolism. There lives were dark after all. Hearing the words, she looked up at her mother, still unable to fall asleep, but finding the song, and her voice to be soothing. How much she had wished to have that when she was in the facility. When they were torturing her until she did…SOMETHING.
“I don’t know if I can sleep.” She admitted, a bit sheepishly as she started sitting up in the bed. They had only just found one another, now on the run, and she was still adjusting, and the effects of the last facility she had been in before Papa had broken her out had left her thin, malnourished, and aiding in her lack of ability to get proper sleep. “Will you stay here with me?” She chanced asking. Papa wanted her in bed resting, regaining her strength. He hadn’t told Natasha what she had done in the facility to get them out. The HYDRA agents she had killed to get them out…And HOW she had done it.
Natasha took a deep breath trying to assure herself that they were safe. She knew that something had happened, that they had come back to her. She still had a hard time accepting that the girl she had just been singing to was her daughter. She didn’t know that, until the memories had flooded back for her. She knew from that moment she would do whatever it took to keep Ana and James safe from harm, even if she had to loose sleep to do it. It wouldn’t be the first time she went without sleep.
Natasha remembered the fear when she had first defected from Hydra, from the training. The constantly looking over your shoulder, days without sleep and the longing to find somewhere safe to rest. It was her daughters words that now clung to her. “Of course I will, I’ll stay right here with you but you do need to rest.” She nods and runs her fingers over her daughters head, her eyes fixed on Ana’s. Looking into Ana’s eyes was like looking into James’ eyes.
"I’ll stay right here beside you all night if that’s what it takes. But you need to regain your strength.” Nat spoke softly, her voice not raising about a gentle whisper. “I’ll keep you safe. You can trust me.” She hated knowing what she did know. That Ana was her daughter and she had been put through hell, a worse hell than she herself had been through.
She could feel eyes on her other than Ana’s almost pleading gaze. She took a deep breath nodding her head. “I’m right here. For as long as you want me to be.” She relaxed her eyes fixed on her daughter. “Please, try to rest.”
BEING ALONE WAS SOMETHING THAT SHE HATED. Being alone was what happened when the days were over, or they were done running their tests on her. Being alone was what she had felt for so long...And having Natasha there, even though she didn't know her yet...It was a comfort.
She wanted to trust Natasha. She was her mother after all. Of all the people in the world, her mother and father were the people she was supposed to trust the most. Papa was someone she had with her for a good portion of her childhood, and she trusted him with her life...But she'd hardly been able to build a trust with him that went beyond partners. HYDRA made certain to PUNISH the Soldier whenever he dared show any sort of heart toward her.
Ana smiled when she promised she would stay there with her. If anything it just meant she didn't have to be left alone in a new place. She had a feeling they would be staying in a lot of places in the near future, being on the run did that to you.
Knowing she needed the rest, she tried to wrap the blanket around her a little more. Dark bags under her eyes that she had tried to get to go away with rest, but finding that being asleep was hardly restful. "It's just hard. The dreams make sleep hardly restful." She paused a moment, looking at her mother and rolling her lips. "How long will we be running?"
Natasha nodded, she understood the dreams. “I don’t know.” She really wondered that herself. “At least until we can shut down the red room and Hydra completely. I can’t let anyone else go through what we have all been through.” She looked down, before placing a hand on Ana’s. “No matter how long it takes, I will protect you with everything I have in me.”
She wanted Ana to know she was safe, that no harm would come to her so long as Natasha could stop it from happening. There was something so familiar about this moment, about having her daughter Ana there. Something inside of Natasha felt protective, overly protective to be perfectly honest. She wanted to keep her safe from harm.
"We are going to do all we can to make sure we never have to run again. That no one has to run and fear them.” Natasha takes a deep breath and smooths some of Ana’s hair down. “I hate knowing that you went through hell and I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault.”
