All In My Head- Tori Kelly

I see you with her and it crushes me inside

You stared down at the spaces in between your fingers before looking back up at Calum, a smile stretched across his face as he walked hand-in-hand with her. You swallowed the lump in your throat as you clenched your hand into a fist, the sinking feeling in your chest only getting worse as Calum leaned down to kiss the top of her head. You couldn’t help but sit there and just wish that that was you. It should’ve been your fingers intertwined with his and your lips accepting his kiss. But the hand that longed so badly to be held by Calum’s was now reaching up towards your eyes to wipe away the stinging tears that were racing down your cheek, a frown resting on your quivering lips as you got up and walked the other way. You couldn’t bear another second of seeing him with her.

Guess I should stop thinking about you all the time

Your head leaned back against the wall as your thumb mindlessly scrolled through Calum’s texts, his smiley faces and ‘you know you love me’ messages causing those annoying butterflies to relentlessly slam against your gut. You opened his contact and stared at his picture, his smile wide as you caught him off guard in some random froyo shop off campus. Your thumb hovered over the ‘delete contact’ button, the promising red tempting you to cut him out of your life once and for all. It wasn’t fair that you still cared about him.

Every little glance my way, every time you wanted to hang, you seemed so interested

A laugh escaped from Calum’s lips as he lightly grabbed your arm, pulling you towards his dorm room so you could help him study for his microeconomics final. You unfortunately knew nothing about the subject- you were an art student, and everyone else on Calum’s floor were also business majors like him, so they would surely be a much bigger help to Calum anyway. But he insisted that you come study with him, and you couldn’t say no to the crinkles that surrounded his eyes when he grinned at you, his chocolate-brown eyes growing wider as they begged for you to agree. It was 2am when you found yourself laying in between his legs, his economics textbook long forgotten about as you read aloud a Buzzfeed quiz from your phone about which Friends character you’d date. You looked up behind you right as Calum dipped his head down in laughter, your lips suddenly inches away from touching his as the room fell silent. You could feel his hot breath against your neck, his eyes fluttered shut before he gave you a shy smile and pulled away, the fondness in his eyes still prominent as he glanced at you again.

Could you tell me, was it real or was it all in my head?

Calum never even told you about her- you couldn’t recall one time he’s ever mentioned her name. Maybe that was because you couldn’t imagine him with anyone else, so much that you physically blocked out the chance of him falling for another girl. But the way you always caught him staring at you from the corner of your eye or the way he texted you last minute asking if you wanted to go out dinner couldn’t mean nothing. You tried to convince yourself to stop thinking about kissing his plump lips whenever you wanted, to stop imagining the way his arms would feel as they wrapped around your waist from behind because every time you woke up the next day, not a thing had changed. Calum was still in love with another girl, and you were still helplessly in love with him. You just couldn’t figure out how someone who used to give you the spring in your step and put every beaming smile on your face could make you feel so dead inside without even saying a word.

#damn lmao