anxiety brain: IM GOING TO DIE ALONE AND UNCARED FOR

the other side of my brain which is wearing a hawaiian shirt: [cracks another sparkling water] yeah probably

me

I love the theory that he is some sort of trickster or chaos god

my dad owns a small business and today he found out that one of his male employees was sexually harassing a female coworker and sending her dick pics and shit and so my dad fired him and then immediately left work to drive to this guy’s other job and told his boss there and got him fired from two jobs in the span of like an hour lmao 

Good dad.  Good boss.

Only fifty bucks for these rambunctious gals.

what a deal for the drama

When you’re a ghost and the new owners put ugly decorations in the house 

This is literally what drives the plot of Beetlejuice

“I don’t know where I’m going but I’m gay”

my new goal in life is to be as happy as this cat

Concept: It’s 6 years from now, you are vacationing with your other half in a stunning oceanview apartment that you found online, it’s night, the air is crisp and the sound of the crashing waves makes you think about your younger self who was so terrified about things not falling into place; you wish you could go back in time and show yourself how great things are going to be 

Super Dad

Conclusion: human evolution has always depended in part upon some unassuming father’s ability to literally backflip his child out of the jaws of death.

this video is wild

me after one glass of wine: I need to get FUCKED

Wine drunk is a lusty drunk

^^^^

but the good news is:

 She’s making sure no one steals it

tail: check

the picture of lady gaga laying on the floor with a bowl of pasta

still a mood

Gays trying not to bring up the new guy they’ve been talking to for only 48 hours when they catch up w/ their friends cause it likely won’t last

this aint even funny im hurt just reading this

Went outside and it started raining like it does in skyrim

imagine making dinner with someone you love,,, drinking wine, listening to music, kissing,, wow

what do other people have against subtitles? like bitch,.. my ears are Not Friends with my brain, let me have my captions

What she says: I’m fine

What she means: In Howl’s Moving Castle Sophie goes back in time and witnesses Howl making his original deal with Calcifer thus discovering the way to break Howl’s curse and before she leaves she tells Howl to find her in the future and if you recall to the beginning of the movie Howl saves Sophie from some highly questionable and rapey soldiers and tells her “there you are sweetheart, sorry I’m late, I’ve been looking everywhere for you” because he took what she told him as a child to heart and has been looking for her ever since and if that’s not the tightest shit ever I don’t know what is