Hyperfixating On: Those Videos Of Bottles Breaking

Another reason I want more Addams Family with the 90s cast is I think it would be so nice to see Morticia uncorseted and aging gracefully. I don't think she'd go full Grandmama but do you really think an Addams is afraid of wrinkles and cellulite?

Look me in the eye and tell me Anjelica Huston doesn't still have it.

Some normie to Morticia: don't do _______, it will give you wrinkles.

Gomez: God, I hope so.

at morticia's 50th birthday party everyone's making Over The Hill jokes with the same envious joy you would celebrate your cousin's hundred million dollar lottery win. the "hill" decorations are various piles of rats, bones, garbage, severed limbs. there's a lot of chains and stolen crucifixes around instead of party streamers. the cake is a graveyard hill and they cut it with a visibly filthy shovel.

'one foot in the grave' gomez tells his wife, actively crying, 'and what a foot!'

morticia has the first slice of cake (it has a little sugar grave on it). when she finishes her delicate spoonful and smiles, the camera zooms in and we see she has spontaneously developed crow's feet. off camera is the sound of her husband really unsubtly orgasming.

after the party they drive off in a hearse with glass bottles of formaldehyde tied to the bumper. it says JUST OLD in the back.

the unsubtle orgasm noises continue.

i’ve decided to carry some undying hope with me every day. as a treat

$20 to rent a movie online for 48 hours i need yall to get so real right now bc that is insane. “that’s the average cost” which is a problem!! if im paying $20 i better get the film on dvd to have and watch forever

and before i get the “what about seeing ig at the movie theater” comments

i dont have a 60 foot screen and high tech surround sound audio and fancy seats at home. i will pay $20 to watch a movie once with friends for the experience in the theater. i will absolutely not pay $20 to watch a movie on my laptop lmfao

£15/$20 is the price of a fucking DVD. That you keep. I'm not paying that much to rent fuck all, you must be joking.

Are all of you really too young to remember how it used to be before corporations stopped selling you things that became yours in perpetuity after you paid for them and started charging you rent for everything?

someone teach me how to draw bears

Like this

i am a gay man unfortunately. this is still very sweet

this technique will work regardless of sexuality, don’t worry

sorting my books rn and i opened this one about graffiti on the best possible page

everyone is meeting me in the grotto

construction workers were a superstitious organization who thought orange objects could ward off vehicles, or even control people.

Legend has it their most important ritual was destroying a section of a road then smoking cigarettes around it for hours on end. Experts say this was to bless the area

Just ate 2/3 of the way through a babybel cheese but stopped because I got full

You all won't be laughing when you need someone who can walk across the stone floor without triggering any pressure plates

When I see people sharing so much of their kids' lives, I think about that one time my child told a joke, I shared that joke with ONE FRIEND in a private conversation, and my child said "can you please ask me next time, before you tell people something about me?"

And, yes, I absolutely should. So I apologized, and now I ask.

"I love that video of you, can I show it to a friend?"

"Can I tell a friend about how clever you were just now?"

"Can I share this in the family group chat?"

"Can I show your art to grandma and grandpa?"

And it's not like my kids don't like when I share their jokes and puns and fun moments. They love it! But they want to have control over what I share with people. Even without their faces or their names. Even people we know and trust.

And they deserve to have that control.

My children are small so the examples are small. They wanted me to ask, so I ask. Just like being told to kiss my grandma's cheek when I was a kid was far from traumatizing, but I don't do that with my kids because it's a way to practice consent and become aware of bodily autonomy.

It gets both me and them in the habit of asking for consent and drawing boundaries and seeing the lines between their life and my life, their stories and my stories.

shout-out to the person i overheard today rushing into an antiques shop to ask, very urgently, ‘do you have any silver crosses?’. wishing you well in your fight against the creatures of darkness, friend

incredible. you can SEE who's absolutely plastered by how theyre slurring their signs

It never occurred to me before that signing would also get slurred when you're drunk, but OF COURSE it does.

with summer fast approaching, a quick reminder to not point out anyone's self-harm scars, burns, stomach rolls, stretch marks, cellulite, eczema, psoriasis, etc. and a reminder that if you have any of these, you're allowed to wear revealing clothing and swimsuits. you deserve to enjoy summer too.

I literally cannot overstate how important creative hobbies are when dealing with mental illness. If you can’t draw, there are coloring books. If you can’t write a novel, you can write in short journaling bursts. If you can’t sing in the shower, you can listen to music. Sometimes with mental illness it feels like we have this dark presence inside of us that is bumping around in our brain and organs, causing problems. It helps immensely to let it out.

mice are having sex in my walls :(

the mice are fucking AND now i'm getting heckled

@oyavaski​ i think the funniest part of this is you thinking that this is fake because.....some of us are the same age and we have normal tumblr names i guess lmao????

never thought i'd get accused of faking having a mice infestation for tumblr clout and yet here we are

you fucked those mice yourself

I fucked those mice myself

petition to bring back saying "huzzah!" when something goes your way and "alas." when it doesn't

in hindsight, pitching something that would be deemed a fair bit strange by some standards to a site teeming with already incredibly strange people was a mistake. apologies tumblr users i’d forgotten where i was

For those of you who think a moose is 'just a big deer'

This is why moose are so dangerous for drivers at night; if you hit a moose on the highway, you're dead. The moose is mildly inconvenienved.

This is terrifying.

fucking megafauna y'all

these road signs are all over Newfoundland for a reason