Broccolee

take a note fellas, chicks dont want dick pics. we want gundams

You can probably tell which family member is coming upstairs by their step pattern but wouldn’t be able to pick out your own

If my own footsteps were coming down the hall towards me I reckon I would have bigger problems on my hands…

Like the greatest good he’ll ever get.

Screaminggggg

😭😭😂😭😂😭😂😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Promise?

The officer thought he had an arrest but it didn’t pan out

GOD DAMNIT

ok this is really sweet

[captions]

Girl: “You glue them on.”

Dude 1: [very confused] “Why would you do that? I don’t glue mine on.”

Dude 2: [also confused] “Yeah, what the fuck?”

Girl: “Have you never heard of gluing them on?”

Dude 2: [incredulous] “No!”

Girl: “Watch this.” [she removes her eyelash]

Dude 1: [slightly panicked] “No, I- STOP.” 

Dude 2: [shocked gasp] [pause] [concerned] “Do you still have eyelashes?”

Girl: [laughs]

story time.

the look in your eyes is what gets me.

“so i return to my body.. from the other plane of existence.. in which i scream”

DEAD

“Story time.

I have this one white friend.

And - [mocking] I have this one white friend, I’m not racist. And like - where was I even going with this? [laughs] She’s not even my friend, she’s just someone I know. Okay, whatever, ‘kay, so this one white person that I know - [under breath] (I know a lot, my entire town is white.) Anyway, um, one day, she comes up to me, and she’s like,

“Jenny, what are you?” and, you know, that’s like white person talk for like, [sarcastic mocking] “what FUCKING country do you come from? Like obviously you’re not from here.”  And I’m like, “um, I’m Chinese.”

And she’s like “What? You’re Chinese?”

And I’m like, “Yeah, I don’t know why that’s so much of a surprise.”

And she’s like “Well, I thought you said you were Asian.”

And - [deep breath] [pause] there was a moment, a good minute and a half, where I left my body and ascended onto another plane, and I screamed into the abyss of that plane [pause] because she did not know that Asian and Chinese are… I, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t even… you know, whatever.

So, return to my body, from the [pause] other plane of existence in which I scream. A lot. And I tell her: “You know, China, China, you see, the country that I’m from, is a part of Asia.”

And she’s like, “Where’s Asia?”

[whispers] She asked me. Where Asia is.

And I say, “Well, Asia consists of, you know..” and I list the different Asian countries and she’s like “Whaat?”

And I’m like [sarcastically] it’s, it’s this thing, you know, that you learn about in like third grade geography. It’s a continent! And she’s like “A continent?”

And I’m like “Yes.”

And she goes, “so it’s not a country?”

I’m like, “No.”

And she’s like “What’s the difference?”

And I’m like [deep breath] “America, you see, has like North, Central, South, so like, take somewhere from Canada; they are North American but they’re also Canadian…”

And she’s like “I don’t understand.”

And I’m like “It’s okay, just know that I am both Asian AND Chinese” and you know what, she is still confused to this day, and I [pause] am still on the other plane of existence, screaming, as I tell this story to you. So you can come join me, on the separate plane of existence.”

I WILL ALWAYS REBLOG THIS SHIT BECAUSE IT IS TOO REAL, TOO TRUE.

I’m actually crying

Thought I saw a shooting star but the neighbors above me are flicking cigarette butts out the window

what halsey song is this

sometimes life is just, so beautiful. art in motion. today while riding the bus i saw a randomized license plate that happened to say “CAAR” and i cried real tears

I drive past a green truck with the plate GRN TRUK every day and it makes me smile because, yeah man, it fucking is