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The Bastard Man

@hylian-puzzler / hylian-puzzler.tumblr.com

Elias, 23, UK, He/They.
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enemui

โ‰๏ธWhat your favorite Genshin Impact character says about you๐Ÿซต

๐ŸฐAmber: Your favorite Pokรฉmon is Eevee and your favorite Sanrio character is My Melody.

๐ŸŒนLisa: You're not scared of smart women but you are scared of interesting women.

๐Ÿ›ก๏ธNoelle: You don't know shit and plan on keeping it that way.

๐ŸซงBarbara: You either sell or buy gamer girl bathwater.

๐Ÿฆ‡Fischl: You're quarter-delusional. Like, you are delusional, but sometimes you're aware that you are delusional.

โ˜˜๏ธBennett: You have a soft spot for miserable little creatures and you desperately need a bigger character trait than that.

๐Ÿ–Razor: You love dogs, even if they're old, ugly little goblins.

๐ŸฑDiona: You love cats and hate alcohol. Those are two rare instances of you feeling strongly about anything.

๐Ÿ”ฎMona: You were assigned financial irresponsibility at birth, and haven't managed to do anything to change your fate.

๐Ÿ—ก๏ธRosaria: You think having a healthy biorhythm is overrated. You also look like a human cigarette.

๐Ÿ–Œ๏ธMika: You let your feelings of pity towards others control you.

๐Ÿ€Klee: You're the fun parent. You probably own a spoiled pet.

๐ŸฆดSucrose: You actually love to talk, people just hate to listen.

๐ŸงชAlbedo: You're gay and neurodivergent.

โ„๏ธEula: You're weak to corporate tricks. You should really work on that.

๐ŸฆšKaeya: You're not known to have functional relationships and healthy coping mechanisms.

๐Ÿฆ‰Diluc: You think you could get an edgy boy to open up to you. You couldn't because the moment someone is even a little cold to you, you will cry.

๐ŸฆJean: You always order the same thing from the menu. Not because it's your favorite, but because you're scared of trying anything new.

๐ŸVenti: If being horny and annoying was a sport, you'd be an Olympic athlete.

๐Ÿ‡Yaoyao: You can be sold anything with a cute mascot plastered on it.

๐ŸŒถ๏ธXiangling: You wonder how a lot of different things taste like and you need to be stopped.

๐ŸงŠChongyun: There's a great disparity between how you want to be perceived versus how you are actually perceived.

๐Ÿ’ฆXingqiu: You are knowingly annoying and don't plan to stop anytime soon.

๐ŸŽธXinyan: You're misunderstood, but you definitely don't make an effort to be anything else.

โšฐ๏ธHu Tao: Your self-proclaimed pranks have resulted in actual damages to people's mental and physical well-being.

๐ŸŽผYun Jin: You've projected onto your partner before to the point you lost the ability to identify their actual character.

๐ŸฅฅQiqi: You aren't swayed by public opinions.

๐ŸBaizhu: Close the wikipedia tab with a list of terminal diseases, you're fine, just severely dramatic.

๐Ÿ”๏ธShenhe: You've been in abusive relationships. Not sure if as the victim or perpetrator, but you were in them.

๐ŸŽฒYelan: You'd be perfectly content as a housewife. Just do chores and read smut.

โš“๏ธBeidou: You don't mind putting in the work to change things to be more to your liking.

๐Ÿ’ŽNingguang: You have no qualms sucking up to people for a bit of societal advantage.

๐ŸคKeqing: You've entered relationships before, thinking you could change them. No, that absolutely did not go well for you.

โš–๏ธYanfei: It's not just your exes who suck, you have an entire toxic friend group.

๐Ÿ””Ganyu: You have an elaborate power fantasy about quitting your job.

๐Ÿซ–Madame Ping: You're a classy lesbian.

โš™๏ธGuizhong: You present your opinions as facts.

โ˜๏ธCloud Retainer: You've been in a situation when you've found your girlfriend's mom more attractive than your girlfriend.

๐ŸชฝXiao: You're non-binary and depressed.

๐Ÿ‰Zhongli: You need a man to kiss the back of your hand. Also you have a strained relationship with your father.

๐ŸKaedehara Kazuha: You don't care about looks, only vibes. You're also addicted to adderall.

๐ŸƒSayu: You are serious about the silly and silly about the serious. Sometimes it's funny, other times you deserve to be dropkicked into the sun.

๐ŸŽKirara: You have a crippling addiction to adorable girls.

๐ŸฆŒShikanoin Heizou: You are guilty of the "thinking with your dick/pussy". Don't try to deny it, you didn't even care until his birthday became a national holiday.

โšก๏ธKuki Shinobu: You have better things to do than a well-paying job, such as arson.

๐Ÿ‘นArataki Itto: You are a size queen. You also think you're way more interesting than you actually are.

๐ŸŽ‡Yoimiya: You've had a crush on the same person for the longest time and every time you think you're over them, they make a request of you and you jump on it like a dog.

๐Ÿ‘บKujou Sara: You could probably use hormonal therapy.

๐ŸกThoma: You think appearances don't matter as long as he's nice. You're also a terrible judge of character, so all your exes are just overall shitty people.

๐ŸชญKamisato Ayaka: You cannot survive without your established social circle. Were it not for the luxuries of civilization, you'd be dead in a ditch.

๐Ÿง‹Kamisato Ayato: You have no self-respect, if a slightly above average man tells you to do something, you'll do it.

๐Ÿ•Gorou: You don't need a man, you need a dog.

๐ŸชธSangonomiya Kokomi: You don't know how to dress well, but you really want a girlfriend who does.

๐ŸฆŠYae Miko: You think as long as a woman is hot, she can do whatever the fuck she pleases.

๐ŸŒธRaiden Ei: You've been in a relationship with an unmedicated mentally ill person and walked out of that experience having learned nothing.

๐Ÿงžโ€โ™€๏ธDori: The world would be better off without you.

๐ŸŒปTighnari: You have an attitude and you refuse to reign it in no matter how inappropriate for the situation it is.

๐ŸชดCollei: You either have no idea what you're doing or you should be in jail.

๐ŸชทNilou: You live quite blissfully, but dealing with you isn't easy. This is called ignorance.

โœจLayla: Your best exam results come from days when you showed up to class hungover and on 45 minutes of sleep.

๐Ÿ“Faruzan: Your family broke the generational curse, which somehow had a negative impact on your character.

๐ŸชปCandace: You are the mom friend, but only because you have to be. Like, you're a mess, but you're a lot less of a mess than your friends.

๐ŸŒบDehya: You can draw yourself symmetrical eyeliner.

๐ŸƒCyno: You probably have a good moral compass, but you still aren't easy to get along with.

๐Ÿฆ…Alhaitham: You're, like, severely delusional. You either think he's like you or that you could be on good terms with him. Both of those are clear signs of delusional behavior.

๐Ÿ•Š๏ธKaveh: I hate to break it you, but buying stuffed animals can't substitute for going to therapy.

โ˜‚๏ธWanderer: Most of the time, you're really cute, but you can be absolutely terrifying if you so choose. You're also trans.

๐Ÿ’‰Dottore: You're fairly submissive but if someone makes you mad, you'll make sure they regret it.

๐ŸŒฑNahida: You're addicted to winning arguments. You don't even need to be right, you just need to feel like you've won, even if you resort to the method of wearing a person down until they no longer want to continue debating with you.

๐ŸŒ‚Navia: You have leadership skills specifically in the "do as I say, not as I do" department.

๐ŸงFreminet: You're non-binary and have anxiety.

๐ŸŽฉLynette: You're very patient but you'd rather not be.

๐Ÿช„Lyney: You have a dark secret and the dark secret is that you're actually a Danganronpa girlie.

๐ŸทArlecchino: You're not a good person but you genuinely don't think it's that bad.

โš”๏ธClorinde: You have fallen prey to misinformation on numerous occasions before.

๐ŸฉนSigewinne: You'd sacrifice your liver to keep a person happy.

๐ŸบWriothesley: You can be appeased by an act of hot girl shit.

๐ŸŒŠNeuvillette: You need a man to kiss the back of your hand. Also you have a strained relationship with your mother.

๐Ÿ’งFurina: You're delusional. Could be affectionate, could be derogatory, it varies from person to person.

๐ŸฆŸPaimon: You don't know shit but you have an opinion on everything.

๐Ÿ‹Tartaglia: Your exes all belong in jail. So does your current and next partner. You never fucking learn, do you?

๐Ÿ’ฐPantalone: You don't need a healthy relationship, you need a sugar daddy.

๐Ÿ–คCapitano: You are, amongst other things, a monsterfucker. You want to be destroyed, but, like, lovingly.

๐ŸŽ€Columbina: You are a mix of a pomeranian and a Biblically accurate angel.

๐ŸŽญPierro: You are fatherless on an Olympic level. You don't need a father, you need a daddy.

๐Ÿ’ซLumine: You're a hot girl. You're either stupid or evil, but you're a hot girl. If you're not a girl, you are a red flag.

โ˜„๏ธAether: You have a crippling crop top addiction and you have no idea what to do with your hair.

๐ŸŒŒDainsleif: You date people before getting to know them, but don't understand why you don't get along with your partners.

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o-kurwa

Russian car mod

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yimra

Based

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nerdvanaxi

I guarantee that whatever car mod you expect to see going into this is not going to be what you get

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cat-mermaid

YES YES YES FUCK YES

1985-1995 VAZ-2106/Lada 1600

(note: they made these for like 30 years, and trying to figure out the year changes is like pulling teeth. this is my best approximation based on the very loose model year updates on wikipedia and various other websites)

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*bites you to show affection* *bites you to show affection* *bites you to show affection* *bites you to show affection* *bites you to show affection* *bites you to show affection* *bites you to show affection*

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tqotsx3

[-6] aww [-8] ok wait [-16 CRIT] OW FU

how dare you be funnier than me on my own goddamn post

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me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit
mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters
me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: Iโ€™M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU
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miaislying

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

decay exists as an extant form of life

Thatโ€™s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

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prokopetz

You better watch out, buddy โ€“ I have extremely unusual life experiences which I mistakenly believe are universal, and I'm about to misinterpret your post in ways you can't even imagine.

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vykodlak

Iโ€™m pretty sure that as far asย โ€œinfuriating helmets youโ€™d hate to see before you get stabbedโ€ go, this one is definitely up there

Up there, yes, but is it really quite all the way at the top?

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bonersquat

why the fuck werenโ€™t any of these in dark souls

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neona

my foes shall see a formidable ^_^ before their inevitable demise

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reblogged

Zhongli is just. So many things at once. So many things he should be. So many things he is. So many things he was. He has the weight of the world in his shoulders

I don't blame him for wanting to just be Some Guy

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reblogged
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gutzygh0ul

sorry but ill never see childe as anything BUT a disaster gay. to me, this man is so not straight. he kisses any man who can effectively beat his ass. he is so attracted to guys who give him a good fight. pretty men are his one weakness. he sees a man he finds pretty and he WILL pester them to no end bc he has an immediate crush.

disaster gay tartaglia is so true.

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dykeplier

When people ask the "would you fuck your clone" question I'm so surprised when people say no. Are you kidding. I would get into a homoerotic bar fight with my clone and then fuck her in a cold wet alley.

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Tumblr really has ruined me. I was in a Rite-Aid and "out of touch" came on over the speakers, and I freaked out a bit because I thought I had missed my thursday morning meeting. It took me a minute before I remembered that Out of Touch playing does not always mean its thursday. sometimes people just play the song.

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