I'm On Your Side

It's me. I'm the distant aunt.

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal 🐸 despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine.

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.

This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.

you will probably not look like a skinny white anime girl when you transition you will likely look like someone's mom and you need to realize how swag this is

I saw a picture of my mom last week and did a double take because we both realized how similar we look. skinny white anime girls are not real women but your mom is. I promise you look like a real woman

Shoutouts to the funniest possible tags on this post

I don’t have time to draw it right now but while driving home from the winco I saw a happy mustached man pedaling a bike, towing a cart built to look like a chariot, inside of which stood what I can only imagine was his completely expressionless 13 year old in a makeshift corinthian helmet

like this

People drawing their encounters instead of filming strangers without their knowledge or consent: my beloved

"let people enjoy things" is about like. danganronpa or hannibal or something else like that. not the antisemetic wizard game that's going to be funding anti-trans campaigns in the uk.

i love that it’s pikachu saying this bc pikachu attained freedom by electrocuting the fuck out of ash and outright refusing to get into the fucking pokeball

At my local library, a little girl dropped her library books into the ‘return’ slot, waved and shouted “GOODBYE BOOKS, HAVE A GOOD DAY AT SCHOOL!” and my heart grew three sizes 🥺

i hope all the mean posts people are making about people playing the hp game are making people cry about it. feel bad bitch. you are defined by your actions and if you decide to give money to an astonishingly antisemitic game owned by a transphobe then i HOPE people being mean makes you feel like shit

reminder for everyone to stop treating the harry potter issue as one that is only about trans people, please do not forget to listen to and stand up for jewish voices speaking out against this franchise and its creator.

girl help rent is getting crazy in my lego city apartment

Firing a gun out of my door to help with Lego city rent prices

girl help i was shot by an unknown assailant outside my lego city apartment

walt when he’s manipulating jesse is like a mastermind liar but when he’s lying to his family its always shit like “ohh sky you should’ve seen him comin’ throufh, it was freddy fazbear, and i went outside to say hi but oh he scratched my face and thats how i got this scar”

We must increase the bisexualism by at least 200%

alien (1979) and aliens (1986) are two of the most powerful film titles in cinema history. like the first one? yeah its about an alien. and the second one? brother take a guess

bitchiness 💖 bitterness 💜 bisexuality 💙

no nerds