Friend: Oh you think you can beat me?
Me: Oh I can beat you. I'll whoop your ass into next week.
Friend: You absolute fucking cunt. I will obliterate you.
Me: Listen up you sack of saggy flesh. I will completely and entirely destroy you with my sheer awesome Mario Kart skills.
Friend: You won't last 5 minutes.
Me: Oh I can last 5 minutes.
Me:
Me:
Me: ... Wait what were we talking about
If I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
These guys are much more than bros
if dan and phil got a dog
Psych + Tumbr
In honor of me rejecting a boy today, here is my mom turning down a marriage proposal from a Fuckboy in the early 90s on national television. Enjoy.
I’m the dude continuously playing the guitar
no i dont want to be a billionaire to live a lavish lifestyle i want to be a billionaire to be financially secure and have enough money to give people things and support charities and fund kickstarters and leave hundred dollar tips
My lavish dream lifestyle: 200% tips at IHOP and throwing struggling artists a couple hundred bucks to sketch my latest asshole OC. I buy my cats better food. I get new underwear twice a year, including a new bra. I have my jeans hemmed, and buy name-brand crackers. Nobody I know ever has to worry about a vet bill again. I quietly bankroll surgery and binders and electrolysis for every struggling trans person on Tumblr. The zoo near me builds a 300% larger reptile house and names it the Wigglesworth Von Snakeface Rept-o-Rama, and I hire a Great Dane ninja to shit on Trump’s Hollywood star every day and post the picture to Facebook and Twitter. Snakes manifest in nazis’ houses. They are made of red-hot chains and never stop screaming. My skin is clear. I sit on my front porch and drink tea. Someone hands me a hamburger.
heres my favorite vine compilation pt3 !!
This is off the Bermuda Triangle, where 16+ ships washed up on a sand bar. The mystery is still unsolved
Actually the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle has been given a scientific explanation: methane vents which have been discovered in that region.
Methane reduces the density of water, causing ships that would normally float, to instead sink.
Methane, when in gas form, messes with the electrical components of aircraft, causing them to fail and sometimes fall right out of the sky.
Methane also causes the water to turn a ghostly greenish color, and the “ghost ships” reported to be seen are simply green reflections of the ships that scatter the bottom of the triangle.
Fucking science, man.
so
the bermuda triangle
is caused
by ocean farts
tag your spoilers some of us want to keep the mystery in our lives thank
Same place, different day.
Awesome color study
fantasy adventure genre vs survival horror genre
I love how the monkey from Aladdin is just called “Dad” if you translate “Abu”
are you telling me that he calls the monkey “daddy”
By Allah, not on this post you don’t
This is one of my favorite posts because that cat’s fucking name is fucking meatloaf
Let us just appreciate that this person’s dad didn’t know when they would be home and so he couldn’t plan for them to be able to join the family for dinner, but he knew with no doubts that dear sweet Meatloaf staying in that exact position for hours was an absolute in this scenario. Truly, that cat was named well.
one of my favorite posts on tumblr over the course of 5 fucking years.. clearly i need a life
Meatloaf is a reliable cat and did not steal the money for selfish reasons. A rare friend.
I love Meatloaf. :)
Bless Meatloaf
Reblog Money Meatloaf to get surprise $40
Smh
Wait, I thought he had a really old, probably just an empty carcass of what used to be an ancient German Shepard mutant thing named Steve
