shoutout to the time my mom was hammered and i heard her trying to tell my dad that she murdered her first husband years ago and my dad very patiently said “i saw glenn in an elevator last week”

my friends: haha hey whats up we havent talked in a while

me:

#me in college

no negativity this year we love ourselves like supervillains

goin home to be ugly in peace is one of my fav things to do

im on the floor

once i reinvent my entire personality and body to the point that im unrecognizable to anyone who once knew me, its over for you hoes