Evil Cookie

happy homestuck day, you filthy animals

sleepy

is your man butter and sugar because i want to beat him until hes pale and creamy

Is your man an egg because if I beat him right he gets a stiff white peak

PUT FRIEND AXOLOTL IN MICROWAVE MICROWAVE SAFE FOR KEEPING OF FRIEND AXOLOTL YES MICROWAVE YES VERY WARM AND SAFE PLACE FOR AXOLOTL FRIEND

I did bring it home but not before I carried it through the whole store bothering @thypandatetor with it going "Axolotl! The friend you can microwave!!"

If you're cold, they're cold, put em in the microwave

“Do you think seahorses write fpreg” and the many other riveting things my friend texts me right before I go to work

Biology fun fact! This PC has actually evolved camouflage against gamers, their primary predators! Gamers' vision is primarily based on bright colored LEDs, so without RGB lighting, this PC is effectively invisible! Nature is incredible :)

my teeth were perfectly designed to tear abd rend the soft white flesh of the gentle beast known as the mozzarella

imagine how much better doctors there would be if it didn’t cost like a million fucking dollars to become one

i don’t care if you went to the assclown school of medicine and were top of your class I want a doctor who sees me as a fellow human person

Snipe eel is the perfect name for that thing

Bitch just looks like the word “snipe”

Fortnite, are you sure about this? Did you think it through?

this made me laugh so hard

I’m so happy I got this shot earlier holy shit

Literally the first thought I had was käänteiskentauri

Reblogging for many things but especially for that final pun.

The final pun is brilliantly wrought and deserving of applause that is, at the very least, 45 caliber.