davechicken

I am archiving this blog and stealing my old RP blog so I can be me on a main account. It’s dcdavechicken. Hooray. 

And this is probably (hahah) the last change. We shall see. I am in a much better place rn. 

bea2me - I think there are elements of that article which are just geared towards sheer £££. It’s very… cold and ‘this is how to sell it’ rather than ‘this is how to write a good story’. (Mind you, some people’s opinion of a ‘good’ story is the one that earns you the most, so that’s another debate.) As a style guide for a set publishing house (which I sort of got from the whole ghostwriting and set pen names) there are parts to it which I find distasteful, but then I don’t pay for my erotica, I get it for free and I can discriminate and pick the ones that actually appeal to me and close the tab on anything that squicks me. (And for the most part I write my damn own because it doesn’t exist.)

I am happy to yell at the sky whenever you need me to ;) 

How I sell my style to myself is this: Would I want to read it, if someone else wrote it? If I answer yes, then fine. If I’d feel awkward or uncomfortable or bored or turned off or upset or angry reading it, then no. I’m the only litmus paper I know perfectly, and so what if my judgement is flawed? Some fuckers enjoy 50 Shades. More props to them for having something they want, but keep it the fuck away from me. 

Every guide, or rule, is only there until someone finds a way to break it well. Take suggestions that click with you, but my god write what makes you hot in the pants and in the head and heart.

It took me a minute to figure out why anyone would gear their work towards cursive F’s and where the heck you even found that key on your keyboard. I agree that you can only tell the story that you have to tell, but sometimes I do write things I find upsetting if they serve the story. I also write things just because I think someone else will like them (recall my days as the shippy godmother) so I don’t have the same sour taste about writing for market as a lot of people. I don’t think I have much interest in this particular publishing house, if that’s what it is, but I do prefer that when I put something out it in the world that it is accessible and entertaining to its intended audience. That said, I also write things that are utter stupid trash because they amuse me and if you read “dead pigeon inside” and open it then that’s on you. I am an enigma wrapped in chocolate and soaked in wine.

Even writing for others is writing for you if it makes you happy to do so. It's pleasing a different element of you. If you're writing for kudos, for hits, for money, to turn yourself on, or even because you have crazy voices in your head and they won't shut the fuck up about having sex on a motorbike, then you have a purpose. I know what pleases me most and it happens to be selfish. I don't judge others if they enjoy writing gifts, or for audiences. (I've done it myself. I like the technical challenge in that situation.)

Yes you can write upsetting things, but if it was abhorrent to you sexually, would you write it? Hurting our babies in various ways is how we show love. But I'd never have someone, say, gagged, bound, and shot while being fucked. It would not make me happy. I'll torture all hell out of them, but at the right time.

I make no bones about writing what I want to read most of the time, but that's because I had years of guilt after being told it was stupid. My taste is not stupid. It's as valid as anyone's. If I want to write my way, so be it. If I want my happy ending I'm not going to be shouted down. If I want to be cherry I will be.

I think there's two ways to learn how to write: read, and actually write. Find things you enjoy and steal like fuck. Me knowing what pathetic fallacy is hasn't put it into my writing, I did it before. Study simply means knowing the term for things that might be second nature.

Fresh out of the water, newborn sea lion pups roll in sand to protect themselves from the blazing sun in San Cristobal, Galapagos Islands.

i just threw up this is so precious 

“our teeth and ambitions are bared” is a zeugma

and it’s a zeugma where one of the words is literal and one is metaphorical which is the BEST KIND

I didn’t know about zeugmas until just now! That is so awesome, everybody: 

zeug·ma ˈzo͞oɡmə/ noun

ISN’T THAT AWESOME??

#in english class in high school my teacher had us write our own zeugmas in class#and one guy came up with ‘he fell from her favor… and the window’#i am forever looking for opportunities to use that one

She dropped her dress and inhibitions at the door.

BUNNY.

I REALLY WANT DEADPOOL TO SHOW UP WITH THE AVENGERS AT SOME POINT AND NOT EVEN DO ANYTHING JUST KINDA BE REHEATING SOMETHING IN TONY’S MICROWAVE AND EVERYBODY’S ALL SERIOUS AND HE’S JUST EATING IN THE BACKGROUND AND NODDING ALONG AND THEN THEY ASK WHAT THE FUCK HE’S DOING THERE AND HE JUST CASUALLY JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW YELLING SOMETHING LIKE “SPIDEY CATCH ME” AND THEN YOU JUST HEAR A SPLAT AND HEAR HIM YELL “WHAT THE SHIT PARKER”

He has to be reheating a chimichanga though.

WHAT THE SHIT PARKER

Someone is obviously having a boss battle

So I just woke up and my first thought was “what if in the four horsemen of the apocalypse, pestilence was one of those anti-vax moms?”

quite frankly the four white suburban soccer-moms of the apocalypse would scare me way more

War is the one constantly screaming at retail workers

Famine is a diet nut, one of the really annoying ones who is all ‘OMG PALEO IS THE TRUE WAY TO EAT AND IF YOU DON’T EAT PALEO YOU’RE GOING TO DIE OF CANCER’

Death drives a minivan

JIB6 // DANCING!JENSEN :D  (x) (x)

Felicia, Misha, Jensen, and Rob being the adorable goofballs we all love at JIBCON6

what’s it like to be taller than 5’2”??? is it nice? can you comfortabley reach cupboards?

We live in constant fear of the short ones, who (in my experience) will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table, and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want

Alright story time.

I’m 6′0″, and one of the ways I assert my dominance over short people poke fun at short people is by holding my hand all the way up and asking them for a high five.

I do this all the time, but in highschool, I was friends with this one girl who I swear was about 4′5″ at most, and I put my hand all the way up and asked her for a high five.

Without hesitation, she literally climbed up my side like a fucking ladder and gave me the high five before hopping off and staring at my slack jawed face.

I was very impressed and very afraid.