@palesuzanne / palesuzanne.tumblr.com
Okay, where am I now?
Yes, I am doing good. Since the Friday I decided to be motivated and positive, I am. Since the Student Union night I decided to think well about mysel, I am.
I had one test that was yesterday. I like to call it a diva test. I passed. Im proud. I believe that everything is a test, an exam.
Im going to Poland on 21st. Which is like, a week away from now. I have a payday on Friday, so will be able to make some christmas shopping!
I feel happy today.
I woke up and went to uni! I had a Music Industry Environment lecture and seminar, and it was really interesting. I love Russel’s lectures, he is such a great and professional teacher. I hope we will have something with him next year, because next semester is without him I think.
I met with Natalia just in the Student Union, and we had a meal. Then we went shopping and I bought myself eyeshadows palette. Im pretty happy about it, because it’s really beautiful. It means that I have to learn how to use it now.
I changed my Bootea delivery for tomorrow, so it will be here around 12 I think. I’m so excited, just like if they were going to deliver me a package full of puppies! Also oaties, which will help me with breakfast decisions for the next 14 days. I always have problems finding anything to eat in the morning. I should prepare it in the evening before, but sometimes I’m too tired or forget.
I BOUGHT BOOTEA AND OATIES! I FEEL SO MOTIVATED AND HAPPY AND INSPIRED!
TEA SAVES LIVES!
FINALLY MADE A DECISION.
I have my bigger goals in mind, but will start focusing on the process more than on the final goal. So I made mini goals for this week only and I will see when will I go from here.
For this week:
1. I want to define who I want to be. How will I look, talk, walk, act etc. I want to see the vision of myself happy, healthy and good looking.
2. I want to watch Dreamgirls and Burlesque, because I need some “diva inspiration” in my life.
3. I want to make the project on pro tools for uni. The deadline is on 18th of December.
4. I want to do some sport activities 3 days a week (could be even a walk, I need to start somewhere anyway) + something to strengthen my arms and chest everyday.
5. I won’t eat any sweets and fast foods.
6. I want to write in my notebook about my feelings and motivate myself everyday, or meditate everyday.
Today I answered loads of questions in my staff handbook for work (im a waitress). I want to stay in this work, so I need to finish it as well. I am trying my best and will stay there! I will make it happen, because I am tired of doing things halfway and give up. I won’t do it anymore.
I’m not sorry.
It is unfortunately too late to join a pole dance society, but there is a 6 weeks pole course at uni gym, so I will join it in January! I am really excited and happy about it.
If someone reads it, please drop me a message!
note to self: if you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for like 5 seconds ok u got this
Thank u
Charlotte Eriksson, Empty Roads & Broken Bottles; in search for The Great Perhaps (via intersected)
I get sick of tumblr’s version of self care, which 90% of the time threads into this beautifully: go pet a fuzzy cute animal! pile up your favorite blankets from childhood and watch disney movies! take a nap! play a game from this list of cute soothings games!
More realistically: go take a shower because it’s been three days. Wash the dishes that have been in the sink since last Friday that you can smell as soon as you open your door because rotting food stinks. Pick all your clothes off the floor because that’s where your entire wardrobe is and you’ve already cried today because you tripped over a sweater and realized the cat puked on it. Call someone who can give you enough courage to pay that bill you’ve been ignoring. Put away the crackers because that’s all you’ve eaten for two days straight. Apologize to the friends who are worried sick about you, and if you can’t at least let them know you are ok and need space.
One of the most empowering types of self-care is responsibility, but tumblr just wants to sit in a closet strung with fairy lights and read their favorite fic.
“Cute” self-care for “cute” mental issues. That’s not reality.
Finally someone said this
My soul is like a spider’s web. It is really hard to live with this, breaking everyday into thousands of pieces. I think I may need a psychologist, but I need to cope with this on my own.
I am fucking tired of starting again. Starting from the beginning. Starting, but first erasing everything that was before. Im tired of starting a “new life”. ‘New chapter”. New whatever. Because everything that is new, is going to get old sometimes. Your new love is probably not a real love. It’s all about extreme emotions, butterflies, roses. But then it becomes day-to-day experience. It becomes boring, if you are not trying. But when it was “new”, it was exciting. So you want something “new” again. But everything “new” is going to get older. So Im not starting from the beginning, because it is bullshit. I am not even starting. I am just changing my choices of everything. Choices of thoughts, food, actions. Here I am now.
My name is Zuzanna, I am 19. I am polish, but currently living in UK, 20 minutes to London. I came here to study. I was here all alone, but then met the most amazing girl ever. Her name is Natalia, and she is my best friend. I love her with all my heart and care about her genuinely. I, Natalia and other two friends are renting a house in here. My parents are in Poland, I love them very much and miss them. I don’t regret my choice of studying abroad. I worked at Claire’s, but I got fired after a month, because I “didn’t fit in”. Now I am training as a waitress in an amazing restaurant, but I am afraid I will get fired again, after my previous experience...
I am Zuzanna and I am an artist. I am a singer, I can draw, write and love to dance, but really can’t. I would love to pole dance. I have many succeses in music festivals/contests, although I never really worked hard on it. I have three guitars but never really tried to learn to play on my own. Music is the biggest love of my life. I am constantly angry at myself, that I don’t do anything more about it.
I am Zuzanna and I had two “real” boyfriends. First one was abusive, and it ended very bad. I also was naive and desperate and provocative, that is why it all happened. Second one was a lovely guy, but also very depressed person, who had very bad experiences. I didn’t love him, so broke up with him after a year. Right now in England I kissed 4 guys. I fell madly in “love” with one of them, but he doesn’t care about me at all. It all happened when I was drunk, so I don’t find it very impressive... I find myself desperate, and this is because..
I am Zuzanna and I have a very low self-esteem. I feel like shit all the time. I need to have a little mirror with myself all the time, because I am stressed that I look horrible. My height is about 170 cm and I weight probably more than 80kg now. I feel fat and ugly. I don’t listen to anybody who says otherwise.
I procrastinate, a lot. I am trying and trying and trying to start again. All the time. To lose weight, to do something with my career (I want to be a famous musician), to be confident. Everything. I try and fail all the time. I got many good advices, and I am also interested in personal development, but I can’t put the things I know into real life. I am wasting time. I am so afraid to start something, afraid to go to the gym, because I feel ugly and worthless. Lately I skip lectures and workshops at uni, because I feel so miserable and unmotivated.
But how can you be confident, motivated, when you are doing things that you don’t respect?
So I am starting here. Today. With what I already have. It is nothing big. I just want to go into things. I will choose right.
Reblog In 5 seconds for good luck
this worked last night lets go for round two
reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)
OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.
THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.
AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.
THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.
YOOOOOOO
I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS
LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL
IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS
holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS.
I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT
SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP
WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????
ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE
So last time I reblogged this I met Tom Hiddleston within the month…
Let’s try. :D
THIS FUXKING POST IS AMAZING I GOT ACCEPTED INTO ANOTHER UNIVERSITY GOD IT IS OF NO JOKE AHHHHH
It doesn’t hurt to try, does it?
god pls
Universe do your thing <3
